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It isn't uncommon for Joel to come home bearing gifts. He's always finding little trinkets on patrol that he thinks Ellie would like, or trading within Jackson's community when something that would suit her catches his eye. Ellie received items ranging anywhere from wall decor to DVDs to new bedding. She cherishes everything brought to her. The sentiment that Joel thinks about her so often lives strongly in her mind, and she loves how well he seems to know her even after such limited time.
So when Joel comes home and presents a velvety red dress adorned with a large white bow, Ellie can’t help but falter a bit.
"I was thinkin' about the holiday party comin' up and I know you were sayin' how you don't have anything to wear…”
Joel strokes a hand down the soft fabric of the gown, and there's a reminiscent glint in his eyes.
"Sarah used to have a dress just like this. I figured you could have one too."
And fuck if Ellie can't say no to that. She tries to steel her face as much as possible to avoid him seeing the blatant discomfort she feels at even the thought of putting the thing on. But what else is she supposed to do?
Sorry, Joel! I know you miss your dead daughter and this would be a good way to remember her by dressing me up similarly, but I’d rather rip my tongue out than ever wear that fucking thing!
Yeah, as if.
So instead, Ellie just forces as normal of a smile as she can and nods at him. "Yeah. It's uh, it's great."
The way Joel's face lights up almost makes it worth it. His large hand comes up to cup her cheek and he leans in to press a kiss against her forehead.
"I'm glad you think so, baby." He smiles down at her, all soft and sweet the way he does when she does something that pleases him. Typically, she'd do anything for that smile. Right now it feels wildly undeserved.
Joel then holds the dress up to her, slotting it right under her chin as if measuring it to her body. "I think it'll be a nice fit. If not, Ms. Lydia down the street can hem it for ya."
Well, so much for the "it doesn't fit" excuse.
Ellie swallows down the lump in her throat and nods again, hands coming up to grip tightly at the overly soft fabric. "Yeah, I'll let you know."
Joel runs a hand over her hair before leaving her standing in their living room, bright red monstrosity clutched in her grasp and stomach tied in knots.
Ellie resolutely does not try on the dress until the day of Jackson's apparently "annual holiday party!"
For the few weeks between the event and Joel giving it to her, the dress lives shoved in the back of her closet. Out of sight, out of mind. Or at least, that's what she told herself every day. The coiling in her stomach didn't seem to agree.
When she goes to put it on, Ellie says a silent prayer to anything that could possibly be out there listening to her that it doesn't fit. Or better yet, that it rips straight in half when she pulls it on and she's freed from the shackles the fucking thing has had on her since Joel walked through the door that day.
In typical Ellie Williams luck, she puts the dress on and it fits like a goddamn glove. It's not too tight or too loose, and she'd even go as far as saying it flatters her for the most part.
She fucking despises it.
Ellie stares at her reflection in the full size mirror against her wall. The deep red of the velvet looks shiny against the sunlight and when she turns her body, the large white bow on the back assaults her vision. The long sleeves make her skin itch and the lining of the dress scratches roughly against the tops of her knees where the fabric ends.
She looks ridiculous.
The dress fits her perfectly, but she's never looked more out of place in her life. Discomfort is painfully evident on her face and she can't help but to keep tugging on the ends of her sleeves and the bottom of the gown for more coverage. She's no more exposed than when she wore shorts in the summer, but as far as Ellie's concerned right now she may as well be completely bare.
Briefly, she tries to imagine what Sarah looked like in this dress. The only image she has is from the picture Tommy gave Joel after they first got back to Jackson, the one sitting on their mantle right next to the similar one of Ellie herself. She thinks Sarah would do this dress the justice it deserves. With longer limbs and softer features, the other girl would actually look like she belonged in an outfit like this. Not like some imposter trying to replicate someone else.
Because that's what this is, isn't it?
The only reason Joel brought this dreadful thing home was because it reminded him of Sarah. Of a prettier, girlier daughter that would gladly wear an outfit like this and genuinely be able to pull it off. And since Sarah's not here, it only makes sense that Ellie would be the next participant in this little dress-up game of his.
She supposes she can't blame him. Ellie thinks back to when Riley left the first time and how every night, she would pull on the t-shirt that was left behind just to have something familiar of the girl she loved. This thing with Joel is close enough that Ellie can't bring herself to take off the god-awful dress.
So with an unsteady breath, Ellie clenches her fists and forces herself to go downstairs where Joel is waiting on her.
She can feel his eyes on her as soon as she descends the stairs and she pointedly avoids his gaze.
"Well look at you, kiddo. You ready to go?" His voice is so fond that Ellie has to clench her jaw from making a sound. She's never wanted more than to just run back upstairs and burrow under her blankets to hide away from the world.
Ellie sounds a hum in agreement and Joel's hand comes up to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. The way it falls on the back of her neck and around her face stimulates her in the worst way, and she desperately wishes it was pulled back in her beloved ponytail right now.
Joel's hand lingers, moving to lift her chin up so that their eyes finally meet. He frowns at whatever he sees there.
"You okay, baby?"
There's suddenly that prickling sting behind her eyes that she urgently tries to fight off, embarrassed. Ellie flusters under the weight of his gaze and the lump in her throat is too big to swallow and the dress is scratchy and uncomfortable against her and if her hair touches the back of her ear again she's liable to rip all of it out.
But she doesn't say any of that. Instead, she grits her teeth and tries to look as pleasant as possible.
"I'm fine."
Joel doesn't look convinced but he doesn't push. He moves to pull on his jacket, or rather some spiffy looking blazer. Ellie notices for the first time that he's also dressed up for the occasion, foregoing his usual jeans and flannel look for slacks and a dark red button up. If she wasn't so miserable at current, Ellie might be fond of the way they're matching.
"Alright, well. We oughta get going then, Tommy and Maria are expecting us. Somethin' about Maria wanting to take family pictures before we go." Joel sighs, sounding as unamused at the prospect as Ellie feels.
Even more evidence of her misery to be framed and hung for the next eternity. Wonderful.
Still, she just nods and follows him silently out the door.
The short walk to Tommy and Maria's is quiet and Ellie can feel the worry practically wafting off of Joel from where he walks next to her. He grips her shoulder lightly as they bound up the porch steps outside the front door.
"You sure you're alright, kiddo? You've been awfully quiet."
Ellie's swallowed by guilt at the anxious look in his eyes. Regardless of how uncomfortable and miserable she feels, this is important to Joel. She's practically representing his dead daughter right now, wearing the dress familiar to the man. The least she can do is fucking suck it up and deal with it for one night.
"I'm good. I think I just didn't get enough sleep last night. Kept reading my book after you went to bed and all."
She does that sometimes. Staying up even after Joel declares lights out just so she can get some extra reading in. He always nags her on it when she's half asleep at breakfast the next morning, but he's never actually punished her so she thinks it's fine.
And it's not entirely a lie. She was up late last night. Just instead of reading, Ellie stared at the ceiling for hours on end as dread for today almost consumed her whole. Tomato, tomato.
Joel just rolls his eyes at her, scoffing with a small smirk. "I should've known. You never do what you're damn told, I don't know why I ever expect anythin' different."
His teasing tone makes her feel lighter, a little more normal than she's felt all day. She laughs when he pushes gently at her shoulder and causes her to stumble a step over before he grabs her again to right her. He's gone too soft for her and they both know it.
Before she can start a shoving match right there on the porch, the door swings open and Tommy's there with that ever so bright smile of his.
"Hey big brother," He steps aside to let them in and out of the cold. "And would ya look at that? Ellie-girl, you actually cleaned up for once."
Ellie scowls at him and fights the urge to tug at her dress again. She really hates this fucking thing.
“What the hell’s around your neck?” Joel asks, judgement strong in his tone. Ellie looks over at Tommy’s chest and is faced with the most hideous tie she’s ever seen in her life.
It’s a vibrant green that rests against his black button-up and is adorned with tiny 3D snowflakes made of some kind of felt material. Worst of all, it’s got a frankly terrifying looking nutcracker with googly eyes lining the bottom of the tie. It rattles when Tommy frowns and puts his hands on his hips.
“Only the best damn Christmas tie you’ll see in your miserable life, old fucker.”
Maria entering the room is the only thing that tears Ellie’s eyes away from the monstrosity. “If you can convince him to let me burn it, I’ll give you the keys to the city.”
The offer doesn’t make any sense to Ellie. Jackson has walls and a gate that they board up, not one with a lock. Now, if she were in FEDRA and someone offered her keys to the hole, that’d be a deal worth taking. But what the hell does a set of keys have to do with Jackson?
It must be some funny adult inside joke because Joel chuckles while Tommy just rolls his eyes. She’ll ask Joel about it later.
“You look very nice, Ellie. I didn’t take you as one to wear a dress.”
Maria eyes her up and down, and there’s almost a question in her statement. The woman herself is in an elegant looking dress that barely sweeps against the floor. Her pregnant belly is covered flatteringly by the black fabric and the dress is a haltertop style without sleeves, but she has a fluffy, white shawl laid over her shoulders.
Ellie wants to ask if she skinned a polar bear but refrains.
“Yeah, well. Thought I’d change it up for the holiday.” She says in response, voice choppy and awkward. The tension in her body makes her feel like she could vibrate out of her skin and every passing second in the outfit drives her closer to the brink of insanity.
But at least Joel’s happy.
Maria decides not to call her on it and instead claps her hands together, “Okay, then. Why don’t we all gather in front of the mantle and get this photo taken, hm? Then we can get the hell out of here so my husband can go make a fool of himself.”
“I’ll have you know, people love my sense of fashion.” Tommy points at her, eyebrows raised.
“Can’t love what you don’t have, honey. Alright, picture!”
The three of them huddle in front of the fireplace as Maria sets up the old polaroid camera they use for all of their family portraits. It’s rare that they take pictures together due to the scarcity of the film, but the woman insists for special occasions. Ellie’s humiliated to be present for this one, Tommy’s tie only partially included.
Joel wraps his arm tightly across her shoulder and pulls her in close. She fights the urge to bury her face in his side and hide from the camera that’s about to capture a shell of Ellie. His hand runs gently up and down her arm a few times and she knows that he’s withholding from checking on her once again.
It’s just one night. One terribly, horribly uncomfortable night that Ellie has to brave while pretending she’s fine with fronting as the daughter Joel wishes was actually here. They can go back to Joel and Ellie tomorrow. Tonight, she’s the closest thing to Sarah he’s got.
They all stand and smile for the picture, some a little more forced than others, and Ellie refuses to look at it once it’s printed. Maria shows it to the two men before laying it gently on the coffee table.
“Alrighty, let’s make like a tree and leave.” Tommy announces, nudging Ellie when he says the shitty pun. She gives him a small grin in return and faces back down to the tight ballerina flats that are currently pinching her toes together that Maria lended her for the occasion.
The adults in the room all exchange glances over her head but otherwise don’t say a word.
It’s cold when the outdoor air hits the exposed skin of her legs. The transparent tights encapsulating her limbs do nothing to shield her from the frosty bite of the wind as they all make their way down to the cantina where the party is being thrown. The pure white snow on the ground around them forces memories Ellie desperately shoves down to the surface. She can only deal with one thing at a time right now.
She maintains her silence through their trek, despite both Joel and Tommy’s attempts to converse with her. They’re granted short responses, the bare minimum of what she can get by on without them trying to confront her. It’s the best Ellie’s got at the moment.
When they get closer to the hall where the community is gathering, just about where people are flooding the street, Ellie’s met with Jesse and Dina chatting off to the side.
Dina glances over at her and then back to Jesse before doing a double take in her direction. The other girl’s mouth drops open and Ellie sees her not-so-subtly elbow Jesse so that he looks at her too. With cheeks burning in humiliation, she suppresses a groan as her two friends approach.
“Ellie! You look so pretty!” Dina fawns over her immediately despite the hint of confusion still on her face.
“Yeah, Ellie. I didn’t know you were capable of looking like… this.” Jesse’s comment gets him a middle finger and another elbow to the gut by Dina.
Her hands clench into fists at her sides and Ellie glances back to where Joel has veered to the side to let her talk to her friends. Tommy and Maria have already gotten swept away into the crowd ahead and looking at the number of people standing just in sight has her heart racing in her chest.
Jesse and Dina’s stares are boring into her as she stands dumbstruck in front of them. Words avoid her as Ellie continues to glance past them to the sea of excited people ready to celebrate some fucking holiday that never even existed for her in the first place. Suddenly, it’s like everyone’s looking right at her. Judging her for wearing clothes that never really belonged to her in the first place – for trying to imitate someone she knows she could never be. Her exposed skin, even though technically hidden behind thin fabric of her tights, abruptly leaves her feeling vulnerable. It’s as if she can feel the wandering eyes on her – unsafe and predatory in a place she’s supposed to be safe – and all at once, everything is too much.
“I’ve gotta go.”
Without a second look, Ellie is turning on her heel and hightailing it in the opposite direction. She can hear the confused calls of her name as she runs from her friends and she already knows that wherever she stops, Joel won’t be too far behind.
She just needed to get away. It’s pathetic, really, how much power Ellie has let her clothes have over her. It’s one night that she was supposed to be able to brave, fuckass dress be damned. What kind of weak-willed loser can’t even handle that?
It was going to be fine, too. Had she not immediately ran into her friends who clocked how out of place she looked instantly. Or Maria, who took notice of the change and questioned it within first glance. Or Joel, who looked at her once and instantly knew something was wrong but decided not to push because this is the closest thing he’s had to Sarah in twenty years.
Ellie sprints until her lungs ache and the cold threatens to suffocate her. When she stops, she realizes she’s found herself near the stables on the almost stark opposite of town. Figures. The only place she spends more time at than home is here with Shimmer and the other horses. They wouldn’t judge her for spiraling into a panic attack over a dress, she thinks.
With a hand braced against the outside wall of the barn, Ellie hunches over to catch her breath. Every heaving inhale brings her focus to another part of her that has been screaming in discomfort since she put this fucking dress on. The itchiness of the tulle under her skirt, the cling of the tights against her legs, that goddamned gigantic bow on her back.
Standing in the falling white snow, Ellie feels like she’s burning.
She bends over and tears through her tights with grasping hands until her legs can breathe again. The fabric gives away easily, shredding to pieces as her fingers rip into it. Then she reaches behind herself to tug at the ridiculous bow on her back, pulling until it comes undone and she can tear away the ribbon around her waist and chuck it to the side. It flutters unsatisfyingly in the wind and it only makes Ellie angrier.
When she’s just about ready to pull the whole damn dress off, Joel’s heavy footsteps come crunching through the snow until he’s in view.
“Ellie!” He rushes over to her, eyes frantic as he looks around briefly for any outside threat. When he finds that she’s alone, his gaze settles worriedly over her and he steps forward slowly with hands outstretched as if soothing a wild animal. Fitting, considering she feels no better than one right now.
She watches as Joel takes her in disheveled appearance. Her hair is windswept and messy, face flushed red with the cold and embarrassment. There are massive holes in her tights that are barely hanging on, and the dress itself is in disarray from where she’s tugged and pulled on it. The ribbon for the bow is long gone, having either floated away or blended into the white snow.
Joel does not look happy.
“What’s going on, baby girl?”
The pet name that he only uses when Ellie’s either in distress or when he’s feeling extra sappy does her in. Tears flood her eyes in such quick succession that she has no hope of stopping them before they’re already pouring down her cheeks. Her body trembles, whether from exertion or the cold, she doesn’t know.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t– I tried to–”
Words fail as sobs wrack through her and she falls to her knees on the icy ground beneath her. The dress looks heavensent in comparison to how ridiculous she feels now. But it’s too late. The floodgates have opened and Joel is going to realize how stupid this whole thing was – trying to pretend that Ellie could ever hold a light to his actual daughter, even if just through a dumb outfit.
She half expects him to just walk away after taking in the sight of her. The dress is probably ruined and Ellie herself is a crumpled mess crying into the dirt. She failed at the one singular task he inadvertently asked of her. Why would he stick around?
The question goes unanswered as she’s scooped up off of the ground and into his arms. His embrace is as warm as it always is. A furnace not only physically but to the dark and cold emotional prison she’s locked herself in. Joel sits on the ground with her practically in his lap, not caring about the state of his nice suit that he probably traded for just for tonight. No, he just lets her curl up against him to cry into that silk button-up as he rocks them back and forth.
“Shh, it’s okay. You’re alright, baby, I got you. I got you.” He soothes her quietly as her cries slowly dissolve into sniffles and hiccups.
Joel continues holding her, even long after her tears fade. He stays right there in the snow, cradling and rocking her as she trembles against him. It’s so reminiscent of a similar time that Ellie has to bury her face further into his neck to hide from the memories that still threaten to haunt her. She focuses solely on him. The scent of woodsmoke and the old cologne he found that he uses scarcely when he wants to make a good impression. The rise and fall of his chest beneath her and the huffs of warm breath against the top of her head that keeps her grounded and in her body. His lips that press into the crown of her hair every so often and the strong arms that wrap so tightly around her that Ellie doesn’t believe there’s anything that could penetrate them to get to her.
She doesn’t deserve it, after letting him down tonight. But still, she’s never been so thankful for it.
“I’m sorry.” Ellie says against his neck, so quietly that she’s not sure if he even heard it. But he just shakes his head in response, rustling her already tangled hair that’s beneath his cheek.
“Shh, don’t got anythin’ to be sorry for. We’ll talk once I’ve got you warmed up. Let’s get you home, darlin’.” Joel presses another kiss to the top of her head before gently sliding her off of him.
He makes quick work of helping her up and taking off of his jacket to wrap around her shoulders. Then she’s being tucked into his side and they trek back to the house, a safe distance from where the rest of the community is beginning the celebration.
When they step foot inside of their home, Ellie shakes the gathered snow off of her head in the way that Joel compares to a dog and forces the too-tight flats off of her feet. Her toes have gone numb by this point, either from the shoes or the cold, but she doesn’t mind it all too much right now.
“Go on and get changed, kiddo.” Joel points to the stairs, directing her to her bedroom where she can finally rid herself of the dress that’s been the vain of her existence for the past three weeks.
Ellie doesn’t argue and heads to her room to finally get comfortable again. She changes out of the dress and crumples it into a ball that she throws to the corner of her room. If she could have it her way, she’d burn the thing but she’s got a good feeling Joel wouldn’t approve. The last thing she needs to do right now is disappoint him again.
She washes up in her bathroom, rinsing off the remnants of snot and tears from her mildly humiliating breakdown. Once she’s void of all grossness, Ellie pulls her messy hair up out of her face and back into her beloved ponytail. She puts on her well-worn sweatpants and the oversized navy t-shirt that Joel may or may not have been looking for the other day and back in her safe clothes, she finally feels like she can breathe properly again.
Now to face the music.
When she comes back downstairs, Joel’s changed out of his suit and is already seated on the couch with two steaming mugs sitting in front of him. Ellie takes her usual seat beside him and doesn’t hesitate to relax against him when he lifts his arm for her, beckoning her to curl up beneath it. He then pulls the blanket down from the back of the couch and drapes it over her lap, making sure to tuck it around her feet.
It feels way too casual for the conversation they’re about to have, but she soaks it up anyways.
“Feeling better?” Joel asks her as he reaches forward to grab one of the mugs from the table, the green one she painted a dinosaur onto, and handing it to her.
Ellie hums in agreement. She takes a sip of the hot liquid, the familiar taste of mint tea coating her tongue and putting to rest any of the remaining tension in her body.
Joel holds his own cup as they sit in a comfortable silence to finish their drinks. His free hand comes up to stroke gently through her ponytail, untangling the knots his fingers catch on with a gentleness that only Ellie is privy to.
Her eyelids begin to grow heavy after a while, drooping where she rests against him once her mug is empty. The events of the day weigh on her as she sits in her safe place – in their home with Joel at her side – and she knows that she doesn’t want to carry this into tomorrow.
“I’m sorry.” Ellie says again, breaking the peaceful silence they’ve been settled into.
She feels Joel shift underneath her, craning his neck to look down at her. “I already told you there ain’t anything to be sorry for. But why don’t you go ahead and tell me what’s got you all worked up, hm?”
With a sigh, Ellie sits up so that she can turn and face him. She fidgets with her fingers in her lap, picking at the skin around her nails until Joel’s hand comes to rest atop hers before they can bleed. A nervous habit of hers that always gives him those lines between his brow when he frowns.
“It’s stupid.” Joel opens his mouth to protest, but she cuts him off. “No, really. I know you always say that things aren’t stupid if they upset me, but seriously Joel. This is stupid.”
The man next to her continues to frown but doesn’t argue with her. “Well tell me what it is and I’ll be the judge of that.”
Ellie just hopes that when she comes clean, he doesn’t think any less of her than he already does. Maybe he’s been kind to her all night because he thinks she hasn’t figured out why he even brought that stupid fucking dress home in the first place. Maybe once she confesses, he’ll turn off the act and kick her to the curb for good. She silently pleads once more to the universe that this isn’t their last night together.
She still remembers their last conversation pertaining to Sarah in a house she once thought could be theirs.
“I didn’t like the dress.”
Her words come out rushed and Ellie feels her face heat as they leave her mouth. There’s a beat of silence after her confession and she looks up to meet Joel’s confused albeit supportive expression.
“Alright… Is that it?” Joel questions slowly as if trying to gauge her reaction.
Well now she’s the one confused.
“Joel. I know you’re old as shit and your brain is probably coated in dust by now,” he glares at her. “But I don’t think you’re hearing me. I didn’t like the dress– Actually, no. I hated the dress.”
He just blinks once at her and tilts his head a bit with a slight nod. “Okay. So the dress was a no-go. Got it.”
Ellie groans frustratedly, hands slamming down into the cushion on either side of her. “Ugh, no! You’re not getting it!”
Joel sits up a little straighter as she gets worked up again. How is he not understanding? He’s the one that told her about Sarah’s original dress, the pieces should’ve clicked instantly for him. He should be staring at her with disappointment, not confusion. It’s not like she’s speaking another language, so what is he not getting?
“I’m sorry, baby, I guess I’m missin’ something here.” Joel says placatingly and it frustrates her further. It’s just salt in the wound to have to break it down for him, and Ellie’s really not looking forward to watching his face morph into something she never wants directed at her once she does explain.
Steeling herself with a deep inhale, Ellie’s voice goes softer as the fight slowly drains from her. “When you brought that dress home, you said it… it looked like one Sarah used to have. So that’s why you got it for me.”
Joel’s eyebrows furrow as understanding starts to set in, and fear stirs heavily inside of Ellie’s chest. “Yeah. I did say that. But I’m still not seein’ how we ended up here.”
Oh for fuck’s sake.
“Joel, you gave me a dress that reminded me of your daughter and I literally tore it to pieces.” She states dumbly and sighs again when Joel’s face doesn’t change. “Look, I know that you wanted me to be a reminder of her for you tonight, what with the holidays and everything. But I just couldn’t do it. I’m not her. I’m sorry.”
Ellie’s breathing comes sharply as she waits impatiently for him to say something, anything. He just stares at her for a moment with an unreadable expression that makes her heart twist.
“You’re right. You’re not her.” Her breath catches in her throat at the words, so starkly familiar to the last conversation that ended with a resounding you’re not my daughter and I’m not your dad.
Truth be told, Ellie doesn’t know if she can handle that a second time. Not after how far they’ve come and how adept she’s become in the life they’ve built here together. Not after every nightmare soothed by him and movie night on the couch and meals cooked together side by side in the kitchen. She’s not ready to let go of that. He may not want her as a daughter, but he’s the closest thing she’s ever had to a dad.
Before Ellie can go on a full downward spiral, Joel is speaking again.
“I miss Sarah every waking moment of my life and there ain’t nothin’ I wouldn’t do to have her here again.” The words are like knives to her chest and Ellie fights back a flinch, preparing for what comes next. “But not one singular time in my whole damn life, have I ever tried to use you to replicate her.”
Joel speaks to her with such sureness and conviction that Ellie can’t help but stare at him with eyes widened in surprise.
“You’re not Sarah, but you are Ellie. You’re my stubborn, hotheaded, terrible joke-obsessed youngest kid. When I found that dress and I remembered Sarah wearin’ it, I didn’t bring it home because I wanted to recreate her wearin’ it. I thought it’d be symbolic or somethin’, like you were wearin’ your big sister’s hand-me-downs. I guess that was stupid of me, in hindsight, considering I’ve never seen you wear a dress in the whole time I’ve known you.”
Joel rubs the back of his neck almost sheepishly while Ellie just continues to stare at him. Her brain clings to every word as she tries to process them. He called her his youngest. And referred to Sarah as her big sister.
A huge fucking one-eighty from where Ellie thought this conversation would go.
She’s rendered completely speechless, helpless to do anything but continue to stare at him with mouth slightly agape.
“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I was comparin’ the two of you. You’re different than her in so many ways, same as she’s different from you. But end of the day, y’all are both mine. There’s nothin’ that could change that.”
Joel’s last words are the final nail in the coffin as the word “mine” plays on loop in Ellie’s head, and she can do nothing but launch herself at him.
He falls back a bit at the impact before righting himself, wrapping his arms just as tightly around her and holding her close.
Ellie is almost giddy with emotion and she buries her face in his shoulder. She clings to him fervently and she can’t help the smile that fights across her face. As always, one of Joel’s hands comes up to cup the back of her head while the other rubs her back softly. All of the fear and pain from the previous days washes away with his embrace.
“You’re mine, too.” She speaks softly against his collarbone. “I’m sorry I made you miss the party.”
Joel responds with a kiss to the top of her head and she melts against him. “As if there’s anywhere else I’d rather be than right here.”
Ellie breathes out a pleased sigh in agreement and lets him sway her gently where they sit. She didn’t know that this level of contentment existed until now, and she’s finding she quite likes it. Just her and her person in this safe little bubble that’s theirs only.
After another peaceful moment, Joel breaks the silence again. “Next time, if you don’t wanna do something, just tell me. I never want you to do anythin’ that makes you uncomfortable, baby girl. Especially not for my sake.”
Ellie nods and pulls back so that she can look him in the eye. “Same goes for you. From now on, we talk to each other.”
Joel smiles at her, that soft smile reserved for when she knows he thinks she’s being cute. It’s her secret weapon. She’s yet to use it to its full potential yet.
“You got yourself a deal, kiddo.”
Ellie raises a hand for him to shake and he chuckles but takes it nonetheless. After a firm, legally binding handshake – that she reminds him is such – she lays back down against him and lets him maneuver her until they’re both comfortable.
He holds her contentedly for a while until her eyelids begin to droop once more. Ellie thinks that when she goes to sleep tonight, she might actually rest.
“Hey, Joel?”
“Yeah, baby?” She feels his lips move where they’re resting against the top of her head. Ellie tucks into his side impossibly closer.
“I think that dress might be ruined.”
Joel huffs a laugh against the top of her head. “That’s alright. Sarah went through a brief pantsuit phase too. I’ll find a similar one next year.”
Ellie laughs, chest warm and full. She’s never had a hand-me-down before, and these may not be proper ones, but she silently thanks Sarah for it anyway.