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He could smell himself. He smelled like alcohol and grime. His hair was undoubtedly a mess, oily and itchy. The fingernails on his hands were uneven and unkempt. The clothes on his back were the same he'd worn for maybe the last three or so days and they had stains, likely from alcohol, on them.
Lloyd laid his head on the tavern table. He fucking hated everything. The feeling of being dirty unnerved him but he still ran himself down like this every single time. Alcohol gave him barely anything to cling to anymore and all it did was depress him yet he couldn't turn away from it. Fucking pathetic. That was what he was. If he asked anyone they'd agree. The Baron's son? Oh yeah, he's pathetic and a lousy excuse of a man. Lloyd had heard it all.
“He's a drunkard.”
“A hooligan.”
“Keep your wife and kids away from him, lest he try anything.”
“God, he's terrible! Your business will surely be ruined if you allow him in.”
“The poor parents…”
“That lovely Knight Asrahan has to babysit such a horrid man. It's a downright shame.”
Lloyd could easily hear the barely contained chatter. He knew what they thought. They all thought he was worthless. So what if he was? He was the Baron's son! At the very least he deserved that! But no, even his family thought he was a lost cause. They wondered where they went wrong, what they could've done to prevent their oldest from turning out into a drag on society. Part of the problem, a belligerent alcoholic who would never inherit the title of Baron from his father.
He lifted the mug to his lips and gulped down the shitty drink. The taverns had long since stopped serving him decent alcohol if they served him at all to begin with.
He fucking hated people.
Not as much as he hated himself.
Lloyd downed the rest of the vile drink in one go. Then he threw the empty mug on the ground, annoyed when it didn't break. He dropped his head to the table.
The door to the tavern opened and footsteps trailed in. Lloyd didn't bother opening his eyes to see who came. He already knew. The footsteps came to a stop next to him.
“Master Lloyd, I was sent to take you home.” Came the cold voice of Javier Asrahan.
“Fuck off.” Lloyd mumbled from his table pillow.
A sigh, “Master Lloyd I've been instructed to bring you home.”
“Fuck you.” Lloyd tried instead.
“I will remove you myself if you do not come along Master Lloyd.” Javier warned.
“How dare you treat the Baron's son like this!” Lloyd slurred as he sat up.
Javier's face was neutral as always and it infuriated Lloyd, “Master Lloyd you forget that your father is my employer not you.”
Lloyd glared, “Was that sass from you Javier?”
“Not at all.” Javier replied smoothly.
Lloyd fumed as he stood with a stumble, “You know what your problem is?”
Javier raised an eyebrow.
“You're jealous.” Lloyd accused.
Javier had the fucking audacity to scoff.
Lloyd grinned devilishly, “You're a jealous little leech. You get all huffy and upset seeing me squander away everything you wish you could have! Just like when I broke that stupid sword my old man gave you. You hate having to be my knight, admit it! I bet you wish you could kill me that way you could weasel your way into the family further just like you did when Arcos picked you up all those years ago.”
Javier scowled, “What if I do wish?”
Lloyd paused in confusion but Javier didn't give him any time to recover.
“What if I wish you'd keel over right this instant so that we'd all be rid of you for good?” Javier sneered.
“I'll tell you this Lloyd Frontera. What you don't understand is that you were born privileged with a silver spoon in your mouth. You could've done something great but you have too much self pity and self loathing to actually make anything of yourself. Instead you drown yourself in cheap alcohol to cover up the fact that you're a shallow, nothing of a man who will never amount to anything because you can't bear the thought that it's no one's fault but your own.” Javier finished.
“Fuck you Javier. Fuck you. I hope your life is filled with nothing but misery.” Lloyd spat.
Javier leveled him with a cold glare. Lloyd stepped closer, chest brushing against Javier's. Then he growled in frustration and drunkenly crashed his lips against his knight's. Javier aggressively returned the kiss, teeth hitting sharply against teeth. Javier tasted like nothing in particular but Lloyd could taste his own alcohol in Javier's mouth. He sneered as Javier firmly pressed a hand to his back, Lloyd's own hands roughly gripping Javier's hair. Javier bit Lloyd's bottom lip hard eliciting a sharp gasp. They parted, panting heavily and Lloyd licked the iron off of his lips.
He fucking hated people. He loathed himself. Lloyd especially hated Javier Asrahan, but he fucking loved the taste of blood and iron.