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Yuri noticed immediately when his sweet sister Yor slipped the note into his pocket when she hugged him goodbye after he dropped by for dinner. He was somewhat surprised at how much concentration it took for him to keep from pulling the note out to read it immediately. But he managed to still his itchy hands, smile at Yor, glare at Loidy and his brat, and retreat back to street level before he pulled the small note from his coat pocket and opened it to reveal his sister’s handwriting.
He expected to see a note asking for his help. Something like: Please help me, Yuri. You’re my only hope. Loidy is a terrible husband and a mediocre father, and I need to leave him. Also, you should arrest him.
Yor had not written the words he had expected (or hoped) to read.
Instead, what he read was:
Yuri, I understand that this is somewhat short notice, but I was we were hoping that you would come to Anya’s birthday party in the park across from our apartment on Saturday. It’s going to be a somewhat casual affair, so there’s no need for you to go overboard when you come. All we ask is that you come spend time with our family. I have enclosed a small list of toys and games that Anya has shown interest in, if you would like to bring her a present. Hopefully, it will help you find the perfect one, like you always did for me when we were kids. Love you, Yuri. See you Saturday!
That brat! Weaseling her way into Yor’s heart, expecting him to bring her gifts and showing up to a party where he would have to endure both Loidy’s presence and eat his food.
Yuri had thrown the note and the list on his coffee table, resolved to not think about it again. He would not be spending his hard-earned money on that brat, nor would he eat Loidy’s delicious food.
Which did not explain why he found himself standing in a toy aisle, Yor’s list in hand, glaring at the rows of toys as if they had all personally wronged him a half an hour before the party in the park was supposed to begin.
It probably had to do with the fact that Yor called him yesterday to give him the time for their little party, and to reiterate that she (and Anya and Loidy) would really love it if he were to make it to the little party. And Yuri could never say no to Yor when she asked for anything.
So, he was picking out a present for the little welp.
Not that there was much of a list to pick from. Nearly everything listed was connected to that Spy Wars cartoon that the Chihuahua Girl was obsessed with. And on the rare instance where the name of the cartoon wasn’t attached, it wasn’t hard to determine where she’d gotten the idea for that particular item (seriously, a grappling hook? Spies weren’t action heroes, they were thieves, and traitors, and the lowest scum of the earth).
And if it weren’t for the fact that Spy Wars was the most popular children’s program in Ostania at the moment, Yuri would have been tempted to conduct another background check into the Forgers. Having a child interested so heavily into spies (of all things!) was suspicious. Most children wouldn’t even know about their existence.
But Spy Wars was the most popular children’s program, infesting their little brains with the idea that spies were good guys, when they were most decidedly not, (unless, of course, they were working for the Ostanian government and the SSS), and Yuri was struggling with what he should get the Chihuahua Girl.
On one hand, he could get the cheapest thing that was listed (a volume of the Spy Wars manga), because as much as he didn’t really want to be spending money on Loidy’s brat, it would be rude to show up to a child’s birthday party without a present of some sort.
On the other hand, he could splurge a little more and buy the interactive laboratory set. It was certainly one of the most expensive things on the list but would be guaranteed to annoy the shit out of Loidy with all its bells and whistles.
And really that was almost worth the number of dalc he would have to fork over for it.
Yuri could barely keep his giggle locked in when he imagined just how the scene would play out. Chihuahua Girl would be delighted when she opened the present, and would almost immediately want to play with the obnoxious toy, recreating some of the chemistry experiments that Bondman and his assistants performed in the cartoon, and Loidy would give in to her demands (because of course he would, the man was completely wrapped around his daughter’s finger), and because the little girl was who she was, would end up making a huge mess for Loidy to clean up rather than recreating the experiment she was attempting.
That was of course, unless Loidy asked Yor to clean up after his brat.
The thought of his beloved big sister being forced to clean up even more after the Forgers had Yuri withdrawing his hand from the box. He couldn’t do that to Yor. No matter how much she loved the little girl, he couldn’t gift something that would end up giving her more work to do. And even if she insisted that she enjoyed cleaning up after her new family, deliberately adding work for Yor to do was just too cruel.
But the temptation to vex Loidy…
Unhappily, Yuri glared at the box, struggling over what he should do.
“Excuse me.”
Startled out of his turmoil, Yuri instinctively took a step back for the short man with the most unruly head of hair he’d ever seen take a step forward and grab the laboratory set Yuri had just been looking at.
When the man turned and noticed Yuri, he jumped a little. Yuri hurriedly attempted to fix the scowl on his face to something a little less intimidating.
(It probably didn’t work.)
“Sorry,” Yuri apologized half-heartedly. “I’m just trying to figure out what to get for my brother-in-law’s kid for a birthday present.”
The man lifted an eyebrow as he tucked the box under his arm.
“I take it there’s no love lost between the pair of you,” he said.
Yuri rolled his eyes.
“He’s annoying, and his kid’s even worse. I don’t know why my sister picked them, of all people.”
The man coughed into his fist, perhaps in an attempt to disguise a laugh. When he met Yuri’s eyes again, there was a knowing look that had Yuri wanting to pull out the interrogation techniques he’d learned to figure out what this man thought he knew. But he held back that instinct.
(Now wasn’t the time.)
(The party was only in a half hour.)
“Hey, man. I get it. I got a friend who also annoys the shit out of me at times, hence the laboratory set here. I’m gonna give it to his kid and watch as he loses his mind.” The smile on his face twisted into something devious as he spoke. Then he shook his head a little and his expression returned to a casual smile. “But good luck with your gift search.”
With a nod of his head, the man walked away and disappeared.
Yuri didn’t watch him leave but tracked the sound of the man walking toward the registers. New habits ingrained into him from the SSS, even though he didn’t care about the stranger and his relationship with his friend one bit.
He stared at the laboratory set for a few minutes more before he gave in and grabbed it.
He’d just have to tell Anya that she was only to use it when Loid was the only one around to clean up after her.
Yuri arrived at the party a full hour later than when Yor had told him to arrive. He’d gone to the service department to get the present wrapped (because he didn’t have wrapping paper at his apartment and he wasn’t going to buy some just for this and half to carry it for the rest of the day), and he’d had to wait forever before they even got to him in the queue.
There were already a bunch of kids gathered screaming in the area as they attempted to play some sort of game that involved a bat, spinning, and an obstacle course. He carefully maneuvered around them (as far as possible) to the picnic table where the rest of the presents were piled up.
There were more presents than he had expected for the brat. Most of them were wrapped so perfectly that they looked like they belonged in a catalogue of some sort, not at a children’s party where their beauty wouldn’t be properly appreciated.
They also made the wrapping on his present look cheap.
Yuri wondered if he could stealthily get rid of some of those beautifully wrapped presents before anyone noticed. Because surely, the brat didn’t need…fourteen presents on her birthday. There weren’t even that many kids there.
In fact, now that he was looking, there were definitely more adults lingering around looking over the kids than there were kids. Although, as he looked at the adults, it was clear that most of them were butlers or bodyguards to the children that had come to attend the party.
That made sense, he supposed. The brat went to Eden College, chances were her friends would be the crème de la crème of high society. Somehow.
Still, he took in each face of the adults standing around, intent on doing background checks as soon as he got back into the office, when he heard his name being called.
“Yuri! It’s good to see you! I’m so glad you made it!”
“SIS!”
All thoughts of the potential background checks vanished from his mind, and he nearly threw the present he held in his hands to the ground. Luckily, he remembered that there were fragile parts inside the box, and he wouldn’t want to break the Chihuahua Girl’s present before she had the opportunity to experiment with it and get on Loidy’s nerves.
Yor gestured toward the table with the presents.
“Why don’t you set that down with the rest?” She said and wrapped him in a hug as soon as he’d done so. “You arrived at a good time. Loid’s just about to start pulling the food from the grill to eat.”
Yuri’s smile that appeared with his sister disappeared at the mention of her husband’s name. He followed her gaze (which softened in a way he’d never seen before and made him want to barf) to where Loidy was standing in front of a grill with a surprisingly familiar individual standing next to him.
“Yor? Who’s that?”
Yor turned her attention away from Loidy to see where Yuri was looking, only for her eyes to turn right back to the area around the grill. A confused wrinkle appeared on her face for a moment before her husband moved and she could see who Yuri was referring to.
Her confusion disappeared instantly and she laughed a little.
“Oh, that’s Franky. I don’t think you’ve met him before. Come with me, I’ll introduce you.”
Yuri followed behind his sister dutifully, brain running a mile a minute as he thought over their encounter at the store earlier that day. What were the chances that this Franky had been talking about some other annoying friend with a little girl?
Not very likely, if he were going to be honest.
“Franky, I’d like to introduce you to my brother Yuri,” Yor said, grabbing Yuri’s shoulder and pulling him up alongside her. “Yuri, this is Franky, an old friend of Loid’s. He also babysits Anya occasionally when we work late.”
Franky lifted the beer bottle he held in his hand in greeting.
“Pleasure to put a face to the name. Loid’s told me a lot about you.”
Yuri’s hackles rose. He certainly did his best to avoid his brother-in-law over most things. So what did he have to tell this Franky?
Unless…
Unless Yor was talking to Loid about him!?
Hurt speared through Yuri as he thought about his beloved sister talking about him to Loidy behind his back before the more logical portion of his brain (which sounded suspiciously like Chloe) reminded him that talking to your spouse about your siblings was a normal thing for civilians. Yuri was the only blood family she had left, of course she would talk about him to her husband.
Still, that didn’t mean that Loidy had permission to talk about him to this goofy looking stranger.
“Dude? You okay? You’re muttering to yourself,” Franky said before taking another sip from his beer.
Shit! And after he promised the Lieutenant that he would work on keeping his interior thoughts inside better. He needed to shift attention away from himself to prevent anyone from thinking to hard about what he might have been muttering.
“I’m fine,” he snapped, before he remembered he needed to divert attention from himself. “Can I get a beer?”
Loidy and Franky shared a glance before Loidy opened the cooler and offered a bottle identical to Franky’s to Yuri. Yuri restrained himself from snatching it (barely) and popped the cap off without the use of the opener Franky held out.
“Thanks.”
Loidy nodded. He grabbed the last bit of meat off the grill and plated it. He turned his attention away from them to the space where all the kids were playing and screaming.
He lifted one hand to cup around his mouth and shouted that the food was ready and for everyone to gather around the picnic table.
What followed could be described as nothing less than a stampede. How so few children managed to make such a racket, Yuri wasn’t sure, and the time it took for everyone to find a seat and to be handed a plate was enough for Yuri to get the beginnings of a headache.
How did his sister manage to look so relaxed with all this chaos around her?
It was almost too much for him, and as soon as Loidy handed him his plate (that smelled wonderfully) he retreated as far from the chaos as he could without being rude.
Thankfully, as the kids started to eat, they quieted down and he could turn to his own food. He’d managed to force a little of (admittedly excellent) steak down his gullet, but he couldn’t stop staring at the Forgers and the ease in which they walked around the table helping each kid when they needed it.
Especially his sister.
It shouldn’t have surprised him. She’d been the one to raise him after their parents died. It was only natural that she took to being the role of someone else’s mother like a well-fitting glove, but the sight of her, cleaning the face of that pink-haired tiny terror (who didn’t even thank her for doing so afterwards), had something in Yuri’s gut churning.
“Did you find the present for Anya that you were looking for?”
Yuri lifted his head to see Franky standing off to the side with his hands in his pockets
“What?” He responded.
“A present? For Anya? This is her birthday party. Don’t tell me you came to a party without a present.” Franky tilted his head to the side, stupid little smirk on his face, and his curls stayed in place, defying gravity.
Yuri grimaced.
“Of course I did. Who comes to a birthday party without bringing something for the birthday girl?”
Just after his pronouncement, a cheer went up from the kid’s table and Yuri could see that a cake that looked like a department store display appeared on the table. Even though it looked professionally made, Yuri was certain that if he asked, he would be told that Loidy had made it.
Franky sighed.
“Well. I guess that’s my queue.”
“Huh?”
Franky smirked and took a step away. “I want to see Loid’s face when Anya opens her present from me. It would simultaneously cement me as the best uncle figure and might get her old man to stop asking me to babysit every time he and the missus go out on a date.”
Yuri was so distracted by the fact that Loidy and his sister went out on dates, (There was no need! They were already married!) that he nearly ignored what Franky said that was of more importance.
Franky was a good table’s length away when Yuri called out to him.
“What do you mean ‘best uncle figure’?” Yuri stood, abandoning his food to follow behind Franky. “You’re not even related to them.”
(Technically, he wasn’t either, but that was beside the point. If anyone got the spot of best uncle, it should be him!)
Franky shrugged, not even taking his hands out of his pockets.
The casual way Franky was reacting was beginning to piss Yuri off. Like he didn’t need to worry about him.
(Which he should.)
(Yuri could make him disappear in seconds’ flat.)
“Just that,” Franky said. “From what Anya tells me, you only come around to visit your sister and to make her study. Which doesn’t earn you points in the ‘Best Uncle’ category.”
Yuri spluttered as he attempted to come up with some sort of response that intelligible to such an insult. He didn’t only come around to see his sister. And he didn’t always make her study. There was that time he took her to Kid Street Workplace when Yor asked him to watch her. Surely that had to count for something?
“I don’t only make her study!” He managed to spit out finally.
Franky snorted again.
“Maybe not, but one trip to Kid Street Workplace doesn’t seem to outweigh all the work you have her do. You’re almost as bad as Loid when it comes to her studies.”
Yuri stopped in his tracks.
Had he-?
(He had.)
How. Dare. He.
The motivation to move again burst through him, and Yuri marched the final distance between them and the party table where Yor and Loidy were just starting to bring the presents over for Anya to unwrap. He purposefully knocked his shoulder into Franky as he passed by him.
To his immense displeasure, the man laughed at him.
Still, Yuri was on a mission, and if it didn’t matter if it was petty or not, Yuri would get Anya to open his present first and prove that he was fun. That he was worthy of being the “Best Uncle”.
(Not that it mattered.)
“Yuri! You’re just in time,” Yor said, holding some of the multitude of presents that were wrapped in a shiny paper with loopy handwriting on top. “Would you be so kind as to help bring over some of Anya’s presents? Miss Becky was a little eager to give gifts today.”
Eager was not the word Yuri would have used but didn’t say anything. He grabbed the last remaining couple of boxes on the table and followed behind his sister. As he approached the table where the kids were gathered, he attempted to surreptitiously look at where his gift had ended up.
There was nothing he could do about the fact that he and Franky got Anya the same gift, but if he at least had her open his present first, he could get the credit for giving it to her first.
Anya turned to watch him set the last remaining presents on the table in front of her.
Yuri cleared his throat.
“Happy Birthday,” he said, realizing that he hadn’t said anything to her when he arrived.
Anya didn’t say ‘thank you’ or anything one would expect at being wished a happy birthday. Instead, her eyes scanned over the multitude of presents in front of her and asked, “which one did you bring Unkie Yuri?”
“Anya!” Loidy scolded from behind her. “Say thank you. Don’t just ask about your presents.”
Anya scowled at her father’s chiding but lifted her face to Yuri and forced a smile that was the fakest he’d ever seen on the little girl.
“Thank you,” she said. “Now which present is yours?”
Loidy’s sigh gets lost underneath the sound of one of the little girl’s (the Blackbell girl, probably) screeching that Yuri’s present didn’t matter, because nothing he might have purchased for her would ever rival what she got for her.
Yuri quickly backed away.
He didn’t have a lot of experience with children, but getting into an argument with a child didn’t seem like a good way to prove himself the “best uncle”. Especially, with Anya’s best friend.
So he waited. As more of the shiny papered presents were presented to Anya for unwrapping, Yuri kept an eye out for a package that was the same dimension as his own.
He was expecting the present to be wrapped a little less than perfectly. After all, a man that hung out with Loidy and babysat a little girl as frequently as Franky did probably didn’t have his life together. He probably didn’t even have a girlfriend.
Which was how he almost missed Yor handing Anya a decently wrapped box with the same dimensions that he was looking for until it was too late.
“Wait!” He cried out, reaching forward, as if he was going to pluck the present out from his sister and niece’s hand.
Everyone turned to look at him. Franky lowered the camera he was readying to take photos when Anya unwrapped the box.
Yuri’s hands began to sweat uncomfortably. Being under the gaze of his superiors had nothing on the judgmental looks of grade-schoolers when someone interrupted one of the most important parts of a birthday party.
Yuri found himself stammering as he tried to explain.
“I was j-just wondering if Anya would open my present next,” he said. Sweat formed along the back of his neck. “If that’s alright with you.”
The last bit he added on with a plaintive look to Yor. He really should have been directing his question to Anya herself (you know, the birthday girl), but old habits died hard.
Yor turned to her daughter and repeated the question with an amused smile on her face.
Anya narrowed her eyes as she thought over the question.
“I guess that’s alright,” she said. “I get to unwrap everything anyway.”
From behind his daughter, Loidy scrubbed his face with his hand in exasperation.
Yuri pointed out which of the few remaining presents came from him, and Anya eagerly ripped it open to see the laboratory set he’d gotten for her.
Unlike with all the other presents, Anya let out an excited little scream at the sight of Bondman printed on the corner of the cardboard.
(Although, to be fair, as expensive as some of the things the Blackbell girl gave, none of them really seemed to be aiming for an audience of grade-schoolers. There had been one thing in the myriad of presents that seemed appropriate for their ages, and it was a stuffed animal based on the mascot of some shopping mall. For some reason. That one got fawned over for a bit.)
“Anya, what do you say to Uncle Yuri?” Loidy reminded her.
Yuri wanted to gag at hearing Loidy refer to him as such.
It was okay when Yor said it, and mostly acceptable when the brat said it, but hearing Loidy refer to him as such just wasn’t right.
“Thank you, Unkie Yuri!” She said, turning a beaming smile to look at him.
Yuri cleared his throat.
(Maybe it was okay hearing it from her too.)
“You’re welcome.”
Anya excitedly showed off what she could do with the set to her friends around the table, and Yuri allowed himself to feel some pride at being able to have her open his present first. Certainly, he would get the distinction of being the “best uncle” now.
Franky sidled up to him with a small chuckle.
“That was sneaky,” Franky said. He lifted the camera to his face and took another picture as Anya turned her attention to a new present.
Yuri didn’t care which one it was anymore, his had already been unwrapped and before Franky’s.
“Was that your plan all along?” Franky continued. “Wait to see what I got, only to undermine me?”
Yuri scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“I didn’t even know who you were when you appeared in the toy aisle. So, obviously I couldn’t have planned anything.” He paused as Anya gave another excited little shriek at another piece of Bondman merchandise she’d been gifted. “Besides, if anyone is going to be the ‘best uncle’, it’s going to be me. You know, the one who is actually her uncle.”
This time Franky rolled his eyes.
“Please, you have about as much right to hold that title as I do,” Franky said, dropping the camera down to his side and turning to face Yuri. “But even if you’re little stunt adds points to your tally, you’ve got a long way to go to catch up with the pinnacle that is Uncle Scruffy.”
The smug expression on his face made Yuri want to smash his face into the nearest tree trunk.
He wouldn’t of course.
(Of course he wouldn’t.)
That would be the quickest way to get himself removed from the party and from any potential of surpassing the obviously inferior uncle-type figure.
“Oh. Here we go.” Franky said, ignoring Yuri and lifting the camera up to his face again. “My present’s next. I can’t wait to see Loidman’s face.”
Anya ripped apart the wrapping paper of Franky’s present and let out a wild laugh at the sight of another laboratory set. She attempted to lift it above her head as she turned around to face her father. Yor quickly took the heavy box in hand.
“Look Papa! I have two now! I can do twice as many ess-peer-e-ments!”
Yuri watched as Loidy faked a smile at the sight of another set.
“That’s wonderful, Anya,” he said, reaching out to run his hand through her hair. “I’m sure you’ll have fun.”
Loidy then lifted his head and glared across the small area that separated him from Yuri and Franky and the rest of the family butlers/bodyguards accompanying their charges.
Loidy didn’t say anything. But he pointed at the pair of them and indicated that they should stay put.
Franky let the camera hang from the strap looped around his neck. He laughed to himself as Loidy slowly extradited himself from the grasp of his daughter and wife. He gave polite nods to the people as he passed by until he was standing in front of them.
“Might I have a word, gentlemen?” He asked. “Over there.”
Loidy didn’t wait for either of them to agree, he marched over to the spot he indicated and waited with his arms crossed over his chest.
Franky elbowed Yuri in the side.
“Best watch out,” Franky hissed. “Loidman’s going full disappointed dad on us.”
As Yuri walked over beside Franky, he had to admit that Loidy was looking very much like every disappointed dad he had ever seen on television. The sight of it tickled some faint memories from his childhood. And a strange, but not all unfamiliar, feeling started to settle in his gut.
He didn’t like it.
They had barely stopped in front of him when Loidy hissed, “I hope you’re ready for the consequences for your actions.”
Franky shrugged. “Oh no. I got the kid something she would enjoy and could help her learn. What a travesty.”
“Your sarcasm isn’t appreciated, Franky.” Loidy had never sounded so stern in all the time Yuri had known and been around him.
(Which wasn’t a lot. Yuri made it a point to avoid the man.)
“You should be aware that Anya is going to turn this into a game where she pits the two of you against each other to prove which one is the best babysitter or uncle or whatever.”
Yuri didn’t say anything. Because he was already committed to being the best and claiming his spot as the only one who legally should be called uncle. A little talk with Loidy wasn’t going to change that.
He stole a glance over at Franky. The smug-ass grin on his face told him all he needed to know about what was going on in the older man’s head.
Franky wasn’t going to let this go either.
Loid took in both of their expressions and sighed.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he said before stepping between them to walk back to Anya and the others at the party.
As he passed by, Yuri was almost certain that he heard Loidy mutter something under his breath. Yuri turned to watch Loidy walk away, dumbfounded.
Surely, he hadn’t said what he thought he’d heard.
Not Loidy. Yor’s suspiciously perfect husband.
Franky sighed next to him. Yuri eyed him.
Franky checked his watch before he slipped his hands into his pants’ pockets again and smiled to himself.
“He almost made it through the whole party without threatening us. I’m impressed.”
Yuri stood as Franky walked back to the party whistling cheerfully. The sight of Loid coming to crouch beside Anya and Yor with a genuine smile on his face as Anya showed off her various new toys and gifts had the feeling he’d felt after he bought those sheets for Yor (and Anya) back in the winter came again.
Yuri took a half step back. Maybe it would be better if he left.
But then Anya lifted her head and caught his eye across the park. Frantically, she waved him over shouting, “Unkie Yuri! Take a look at this!”
Yuri rolled his eyes (whatever she had couldn’t have been that interesting), but he found himself walking over with a half-smile on his face anyway.