Chapter Text
As it turns out, having a girlfriend is the best way to get nuisances off your back.
Okay, well, Teruhashi isn’t actually his girlfriend, but it’s a lot easier to say that than to explain that she’s simply playing a role.
Whenever Nendo calls out with a strong pat on his shoulder, “Hey, buddy! Wanna go out for ramen later?” or Kaido bashfully approaching his desk, asking, “There’s this creepy abandoned warehouse I’ve been meaning to turn into my hideout…” or god forbid Aiura inviting him out on a date, it’s as simple as…
“Sorry. I have plans.”
“Oh, with Teruhashi, pal?” Nendo says, seemingly not as dense as Kusuo thought. “Gotcha. Don’t do anythin’ I would do!” (He hates that presumption, so he chooses to ignore it.)
“Ri–right! Man, I forget you’re with Teruhashi now. Understood!” Kaido answers, nodding so quickly his head might fall off.
Aiura is a little less tolerant, but knows even she, a fortuneteller, is no match for the sheer fortune that follows Teruhashi Kokomi everywhere she goes. “Ugh, fine,” she drags. “I don’t even get why you like her! I tried the whole good-girl look and you didn’t even look at me.”
“Have you ever considered it’s not her appearance I care for?” Kusuo deadpans. It’s not like he can see that stuff anyway, not without his germanium ring. He only puts it on occasionally now, too afraid of uncertainty to keep it off. While his psychic powers are far from enjoyable, it’s much scarier to have no idea what his friends are thinking.
The only downside to using this excuse is that he is now obligated to actually take her out for a… “date”, as she must call it. Especially since he saw how her blue eyes lit up when he said he had plans – it was impromptu. He typically tells her before he invites her out, because he knows when his friends intend on bothering him. But that day he insisted on wearing the ring because his favourite bad manga shockingly got an anime adaptation, despite how little fans there are. He couldn’t be too sure if there were any watchers in a 200 meter radius of him at all times, so it was best he put the ring on to avoid spoilers, at least while in public.
That’s how he winds up walking to a cafe with her by his side. It’s deafeningly silent, since he has the ring on, and for a moment he considers taking it off just to hear her thoughts. Only because it’s terrifying not knowing what she’s thinking, of course. But he can only assume they’re something like – Why would he invite me out?! Maybe he really does like me and the fake-dating was all a ploy he got from one of his loser mangas? Anyway, this is my chance for him to gasp at me! – since he spends extensive time with her, it’s rather easy to read her at this point. Psychic or not.
Like right now, she’s twirling strands of (soft-looking) blue hair around her index finger as he steps quietly beside her. That means she’s nervous – it’s her method of biting her nails, since doing so would both ruin her natural fingernails and be unhygienic, both unbecoming of the perfect pretty girl, or so she believes. But nervous about what? Being out with him? They’ve done this a few times before. He’s almost tempted to take off his ring but no, the finale aired yesterday and he hasn’t watched it. He can do this.
Now, she’s running her hands down her arms – oh, she’s cold. It is wintertime, he sort of disregarded that when he decided on having “plans”. He doesn’t get cold, so it never crossed his mind. She must be thinking something like, Isn’t this the right time for you to offer me your jacket, Saiki?!
As if he’d ever do something like that. This is another chance for her to see what a terrible boyfriend he would be and leave him alone. He slips off his ring for a moment. Just to check. It’s not a popular anime, after all.
It’s so – warm? It was freezing a second ago… God really does love me!
So, yeah, he might have used his pyrokinesis to form a thin layer of warmth around her. What? He’s not heartless. Any psychic would’ve pitied her. Her thoughts come flooding in right as he’s about to slip the ring back on.
I can’t believe Saiki asked me out… Maybe I should tell him I can’t do this anymore…
…Huh?
I can’t keep fake-dating him when I actually like him. Even if it feels really nice getting all this extra attention from him. That’s just unfair on me.
She turns to him, hands clasped behind her back. “Um, Saiki–”
“We’re here,” he says, pointing to the store in front of them. It’s nothing special, just a quaint, hole-in-the-wall cafe on a street with a dozen other more popular ones. It’s the easiest way for him to avoid the massive crowd they collected on the way here. The smaller the store, the less people can come barging in and demanding to have his head on a stake.
“O–oh. Right,” she replies. He opens the door for her – that doesn’t mean anything, of course, he’s just a polite guy that does as his mother teaches him to do.
They find themselves a spot in the back, and he lets her have the booth seat. Again, that doesn’t mean anything, he’s just used to sitting on the chair side because he always lets his parents have the booth. Just politeness. The waiter comes by with the menus and beams at Teruhashi. “Hi ma’am! Take your time. And call me. If you need anything, I mean,” he says, completely ignoring Kusuo. “But I can give you my number if you want.”
Teruhashi just smiles awkwardly, opening the menu as the waiter leaves. Ugh, seriously.
Why can’t he see I’m far out of his league? Kusuo assumes the rest of her thoughts will go.
Doesn’t he see that Saiki is right there? She thinks instead. Ugh, what are you thinking? Of course, Saiki should feel grateful I even agreed to coming with him! But then, why do I feel guilty? Maybe because he asked for my help and I’m totally using it to my advantage because I like him and perfect girls don’t take advantage of–
“What are you thinking?” he asks. Only to shut up her thoughts, obviously. “To order.”
“I’m not sure. Everything looks good,” she replies. He has to agree. For such a small cafe, it has a generous variety of desserts. Parfaits, cakes, even frozen treats. He’s enticed by all of them, but when his eyes caught on the quintessential delicacy that is the ultimate balance of bitter and sweet, or as it read on the menu, coffee jelly, he knew exactly what he wanted. Hm, I guess I could go for my usual order–no, no. That’s not the point right now. “Saiki, what I wanted to say was–”
“An iced americano with honey,” he lets out. He meant to think it to himself, but even a psychic has his moments. “That’s what you want, right?”
She blinks. “Oh, um, yes, but how did you…” Is he psychic?
Well, yes, but that’s not how he knew. “That’s what you always get.”
In the second he sees her face, it flushes pink. “I guess…” What happened to God being on my side? Why can’t I get the words out? I need to end this now. “So, there’s–”
He gets up from his seat, the chair screeching back. “I’ll order.”
Kusuo shoves his ring back on as he heads up to the counter, not wanting to hear her thoughts wondering why her timing is so off today. Of course, it’s not actually her timing that’s off, or pure coincidence. He won’t let her break up with him.
Err, he won’t let her break off this fake-dating situation they’re in. See, it really is harder to explain that this is all an elaborate scheme.
When he orders, he glances back at her, curling more hair around her finger. It’s not that he wants to keep going on these stupid dates with Teruhashi, as delicious as the desserts are, but he has yet to throw off Aiura completely. It's almost as if her attacks get stronger when she has romantic rivals, which is scary in itself. And it’s a little insulting that she wants to end it, especially for such a flimsy reason.
Break up with him because he’s a bad boyfriend? Sure. That makes sense. Kusuo has been purposefully trying his best to ignore every hint she sends his way. Not giving her his jacket when she’s so obviously freezing (well, he did end up helping but it’s not like she knew that), opening the door for her (isn’t that so patronising?), knowing her favourite order by heart (what if she wanted to try something new?)... He thinks he’s been doing a pretty good job at being a bad guy.
Break up with him because she finally started liking someone else? Okay. He can deal with that, though he’s not sure who would be a better choice than him, the guy that can quite literally read her mind. Most guys haven’t a thought in their head that isn’t perverted or plain stupid.
Break up with him because… she likes him? How dumb is that? If she liked him, wouldn’t she want to be with him? He seriously doesn’t understand her. Kusuo knew she was selfish, but doesn’t she pity him? He’s the one that asked the favour, after all. Wouldn’t the perfect pretty girl rather die than disappoint someone, never mind her crush?
He returns to his seat with a tray of coffee jelly, her favourite drink and a slice of strawberry shortcake that was “on the house” for the “pretty girl”. The nerve of some guys, really, he likes being average but these people act like he’s completely invisible. It doesn’t bother him enough to not accept the free food, though.
Her blue eyes light up when she sees the cake. He never noticed how nice her eyes look when they’re like that. He guesses he never really sees her at all, at least, not how everyone else does.
Wait. Huh? Nice? Her eyes? Yeah right, Kusuo. He could almost laugh now. They’re just eyes. Everyone has them. Though, not everyone’s look like Teruhashi’s – like azure gemstones, capturing light like stained glass in a church, protected by lashes like brushstrokes of an angel…
He takes the ring back off before he can think any more weird thoughts about the other features on her face. “How’d you know I was looking at this?” Is he really a psychic?
“No, the worker from earlier offered it. On the house,” he explains. It didn’t feel great giving credit to the dunce with drool escaping his lips as he ignored the other customers to stare at Teruhashi, but she was getting a little too close with the psychic thing. Kusuo pops open the packet with her straw, placing it in her drink.
“Oh.” She sips at her drink. (The thought that he kind of wishes he had his ring on so he could see her pleased expression – the genuine, soft smile that plays on her lips easily beats the fake one she puts on for her fans – flashes through his head.) “We should thank him before we leave.”
She falls silent, trying the cake with a fork. She physically falls silent. In her head, it sounds more like – Why is this so difficult?! All I have to say is that we need to break up… No, that makes it sound like we’re actually dating…!
Why is she so insistent on ending things? Maybe he’s taken the bad boyfriend thing too far? Opening the straw for her was a little much, perhaps she thought that he thought she was incapable of doing so herself. He can’t have that happen. He still needs her. (To throw off Aiura, he tells himself. He still needs her so he can throw off Aiura.)
“...Is it good?” he asks after taking a bite of his own dessert. As per usual, no coffee jelly is bad. Though the whipped cream is a little too sweet for his liking, it's negligible since the texture is perfect. “The cake.”
She nods, smiling. “It’s delicious! Do you want some?” I wish I could feed him… but it’s not like we’re really a couple anyway. But…
If this is what it takes for her to stop trying to end things, he’ll have to tolerate it. Plus, he gets a bite of strawberry shortcake as reimbursement. Win-win. Right as he’s about to let her feed him, she pushes the plate towards him. No, no… Perfect pretty girls would only do such things with their boyfriends! And Saiki is… She’s really fighting her desires, isn’t she?
Usually, this would be good news for him. Teruhashi Kokomi, not trying to get him to gasp? Those moments are few and far between. But for some reason, he kind of wishes she stopped thinking so much. Probably because her thoughts move too quickly and are so contrasting that they’re a headache. Does she like him or not?
Without much thought, he takes a bite from her fork. Certainly sweet, but not overwhelmingly so. It’s pretty good. He could see himself coming back for this and the coffee jelly.
He just… that was… my fork…
Oh, right. He didn’t think about that. He’s done that before – shared a drink with her, that is, so he hadn’t found it weird. (To be fair, she didn’t know. But that sounds weirder.) She hasn’t said anything about it out loud, so he’ll just play it off–
“We should break up!” she exclaims, getting up.
“What?” he asks. So quickly? How didn’t he see that coming? And did she have to say that so loud?
“I’m sorry, Saiki, I just don’t think I can do this anymore,” she says. “The whole fake-dating thing.”
“Why?”
“It’s just not… fair to me,” she replies. I can’t tell him that’s because I really like him and can’t stand doing all these couple-y things when we’re not really…
“Isn’t that kind of selfish?” he questions. He didn’t mean for it to come off that way, he swears, but when her thoughts halt for a second, he knows he’s messed up.
“Aren’t you kind of selfish?” Her brows furrow at him before she realises what she’s said, hand clapping over her mouth. “I’m so sorry! Um, I’ll… I’ll pay you back tomorrow!”
In a flash, she disappears from the cafe out the door as if she was the one that could teleport, but she doesn’t forget to thank the worker for the free cake. Her drink is half-empty, said cake left unfinished.
As Kusuo simmers in his seat, the waiter from earlier comes by again. “Tough luck, man. Think I could get her number since she’s single now?” I can’t believe the main character dies in The Horrific Life of Saito K…
Never mind. He isn’t coming back here.