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Sometimes, the inside of his head sounds like a tin drum. Thoughts rattle without pause, rolling and echoing in his mind until it deafens him.
On a good day, his thoughts are loud and clear–too loud, even, given they constantly slip out of his mouth–but at least he articulates them with minimal error.
On a bad day, his brain is like a parrot on steroids, squawking random phrases ad nauseam.
On days like these, it feels like his body is full of jumping beans; he cannot settle on any activity. So he flits around like a hummingbird, leaving behind a detritus of unfinished tasks as he jumps from one thing to another. Whatever he's doing, the moment something else catches his attention he has to go do that thing instead.
Like this Mario Kart game, for instance. After he beats Bowser he loses interest, plus sitting too long is boring so of course he has to jump up and move around and–oh, how about some push ups? He didn't go to the gym this week. Oh look, it's Jojo! He's still on the couch; didn't he leave? He refused to play just now. Now he looks annoyed for some reason. Ohh, oh no, has Taki been too loud, did he yell too much while playing? Discomfited, he starts to get up from the floor–
"Taki-kun. Enough."
–and just like that, his train of thoughts screeches to a halt. Taki freezes mid-motion, like a Nintendo character pausing when you hit the X button. His chest is heaving and his heart is racing from the twenty push ups he just did, but the mental cacophony is just... gone.
At the sound of Jo's voice–the tone that he used–Taki's blaring mind goes quiet.
The silence that follows is so jarring it echoes in his skull like a time-out bell. He's standing awkwardly hunched, hardly daring to move—
"Sit down," comes the next command and before Jo finishes speaking Taki's legs carry him over to the sofa. He tries to sit down next to Jo, but for some reason when he lowers himself he just keeps going down and then suddenly he's kneeling on the floor, seiza style, feet neatly tucked under his bum. A bit like a naughty schoolboy about to get a scolding, but then... it feels right, somehow. It's actually kind of... nice?
It is nice. He wants stay where he is, 'cos somehow it feels safe. Safe and quiet and good, kneeling by Jo's feet as he waits to be seen.
Is this weird? Is he being weird right now? It's not like he was being bad on purpose. He can be good if he tries, oh yes he could. Then Jo won't be mad at him anymore. Taki doesn't want to speak before he's spoken to, so he meekly looks up, trying to convey that he's ready to behave.
When Jo meets his eyes, his gaze softens. His hand slowly comes up to cradle Taki's cheek. The moment he gets touched, something inside Taki's chest loosens with a twang, like a tightly coiled spring releasing.
Sighing, he slumps against Jo's legs. His whole body relaxes as he nuzzles Jo's hand, large enough to cup the entire side of his face. If he were a cat he would be purring, but he settles for rubbing his cheek against Jo's big warm palm, humming with pleasure as he closes his eyes. Jo indulges him, cupping his face a little firmer so that the rough callouses on his fingertips graze the skin behind Taki's ear, grounding and quieting his mind even more.
They exchange a few words. Jo checks what he wants, what he needs. But Taki's mind is a little floaty, a little untethered, and soon he loses track of the conversation. Now Jo is patting his head like he's accepted Taki's apology–he did apologise, didn't he? He certainly meant to, but can't remember if he did. But Jo is praising him for doing well, so he must have, and Taki is preening because Jo is being so sweet with him and he loves it.
He doesn't realise his head is drooping until Jo handles him upright, gently guiding him closer until Taki's head lands on his lap, letting him pillow his cheek on his thighs. Eyes fluttering shut, he sighs when Jo start carding a hand through his hair, slow and easy, smoothing down the wayward strands like he's patting the wayward thoughts into place.
It works like a charm.
Soon enough, his thoughts slow to a trickle. The roaring river becomes a babbling brook, then a chuckling stream, until finally, finally, the rippled surface of his restless mind smooths into a mirror-still pond.
For once, his mind is quiet.
Taki's never felt so calm in his life.
Has he never? Really? He mustn't have, because why does it feel it feel so foreign? So odd and nice and strange? Is this how people normally feel, how their thoughts normally sound? It must be nice to have a mind that's so peaceful and quiet, compared to the landmine that's his brain on a daily basis.
"Taki." Again, just the sound of Jo's voice is enough to jolt him out of his thoughts. He blinks a few times and raises his head, slightly wobbly like it's too heavy for his neck.
"How do you feel right now?"
Taki hums, and thinks about it for a second, his mind sluggish after the pause, not used to slowing down.
How does he feel? He feels... good, really. Nice and good and easy. Only his tongue sits heavy in his mouth, words just a little out of reach.
A soft huff, not quite a laugh, and Taki realises Jo is still waiting for an answer. Tilting his head, he tries on a smile.
"....good. Feels good. I like it," he finally manages, the words a little clumsy in his mouth. Which for Taki is par for course.
When Jo smiles back, small and secret, his whole face lights up. Taki's eyes widen. It's like seeing a ray of sunshine peeping through the clouds, shyly promising brighter days ahead. It's incredibly warm, and loving, and Taki trembles at the gratefulness that surges through him.
"....need to move."
"Huh?"
Abruptly, the sky clouds over again, dark and ominous. The shine dims from his eyes; Taki tries to scrambles to his feet.
"Hey, hey. Taki. It's okay," Jo snags his shoulder and holds him in place for a beat. Heart thudding in his mouth, Taki mutely looks at him for assurance, that this thing they're doing is okay, and that he's not being denied the safe haven he's just come to learn.
"Any time you want this, need this, just come to me, okay?" The smile is back on Jo's face, warm and sure and just a touch possessive, and a tingle runs down his spine.
"Really?" Taki can hardly believe his ears. The offer of a safe place, peace and release from his neverending thoughts... He can have that anytime he needs? Anytime he wants and he just has to ask? Quickly he nods, greedily swallowing the promise, sweet as honey on his tongue.
This time, the wave of gratitude that crashes into him spills outwards, as he turns to press a tender kiss on Jo's knee. He doesn't even feel ridiculous doing it, because Jo makes him feel safe, like it's okay to do what he feels like doing. He can ask for what he wants and not get laughed at, or dismissed, or ignored.
And that, more than the relief of giving up control, is what fills Taki's heart with effervescent joy, like starshine on a moonlit night.
Whatever this thing that he and Jo have started, for Taki to simply feel seen, and loved, and understood... it is more than enough.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆