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Asking someone out on a date is nerve wracking. It’s simple fact for most people, enhanced or not. Nothing more human than dreading possible rejection and the awkward aftermath. Why else were dating apps such a success if not for the convenient option to bypass the question of interest in the first place. One swipe was enough to communicate interest or disinterested alike and let everyone keep their face.
Most of the members of the Z-Team were old enough to know of and have experienced a time when there was no such comfort. You either maned or womaned up and asked your crush straight out or had a great wingman or wingwoman to do it for you. That is all the buffer you were gonna get. That said there were no real tears lost for those times past, but it helps understand that those reformed felons were a double threat in regard to courting.
They were perfectly capable off chatting a person up online AND they had enough practice in the real world to romance their way into pretty much anyone’s pants or panties they set their eyes on. Too bad that they all chose the same target and the same time to do so. Robert Robertson III didn’t know of his questionable luck yet, otherwise he might have just stayed home… or left the country for some days really.
Apparently Chase was right and these idiots did share one brain cell among each other, for they all decided that the best time to ask the dispatcher out was on the day before valentine. They didn’t even consider for a moment that Robert might have made plans with anyone outside of work. It doesn’t matter that Robert had in fact not made any plans, so not the point here.
Robert should have known that something was up when the whole team had for once clocked in on time and was mingling in the waiting room when Robert went to get his mug of morning coffee. He stopped on the threshold and gave them all a once over. His alarm bells were ringing but the need for coffee was stronger. If they had decided to mess with him, he would just have to throw a bitch. Most likely this was linked to another stupid and disgustingly expensive bet. Maybe the goal was even to be the first to be thrown? Huh, he might rethink that solution then.
As the machine came to life and the black salvation started to tickle into the pot Robert was acutely aware of the movement and badly shushed dispute behind his back. Still, as long as he was kept out of it, he didn’t mind the team letting out some steam in the morning. Might just have to remind them not to maim each other so they could still attend their shift that was to start soon.
After one big gulp of scolding brew and a deep sigh, Robert turned around to face the circus. “Alright, spill. What’s going on with all of you and how can we end the drama here before you start causing property damage again.” The combative glances shared amongst the group were not reassuring. In fact, Robert was reminded of the time the team had been told that one of them was going to be cut from the grogram and they threw themselves into sabotaging each other. The dispatcher didn’t care for that headache again.
Before he could pointedly remind them how that ended last time, Courtney opened her mouth just to be interrupted by Viktor, who in turn was interrupted by Malevola stepping on his foot, who then again was shut up by Alice’s hand to her mouth. Chad cut his bestie off by stepping in front of her and attempting to take the word himself, just to slip up on a suspiciously random puddle. Herm couldn’t even stutter through his first word before Janelle pressed a knife to his throat and decided that she had won the right to speak.
“I was wondering if-“ was indeed the longest phrase uttered before she too was interrupted by Colm who fucking pinched her in the thigh. Anticipating the retribution he quickly stepped away and tried to pick up, where Janelle left off. “-if you were-“, just to be cut off again, this time by Bruno, who simply threw him out the open door. Bruno started to rumble something in his deep voice but Robert couldn’t for the life of him understand what, as all of the previously silent Z-Team-members started to speak over each other, trying to be the loudest.
Robert just looked on, sipped his coffee, checked on the time and wondered in silent despair, if this would be the background noise for the whole day. Finally a bark interrupted the chaos. Beef, his little saviour, had trotted into the break room in search of his owner and decided to get everyone’s attention. Successfully I might add. So before everyone could spiral back into a screaming match, Robert addressed the team himself. “I will pick one person to speak and the others shut the hell up about it.“ At the dejected faces he got for that, Robert decided to amend, “apparently it is very important to be the first one to speak their mind, so I will evaluate each statement like it was presented to me at the same time. We good?”
That did the trick. The tension visibly bled out of most members though the anticipation in the room was still palpable. Robert pointed at Chad just because he was standing the closest to him at the moment. The fire user visibly preened, obviously reading more into being picked first than it actually was.
He cleared his throat, leaned into Robert’s space and then started to act all nonchalantly looking at his nails before focusing smouldering eyes on Robert’s chocolate ones. “I’m hot, you’re cute, so I’d like to make us both happy and take you on a date tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at 7:00, dress up bitch.” Quiet. Robert’s brain was running at full throttle, analysing the words, their combination and especially who said them. It wasn’t adding up. As “error” was flashing before his eyes, so was Flambae’s hand swiping up and down in front of his face.
Slightly muffled Robert heard Courney’s voice somewhere to his right, “you fucking broke him, dipshit.” The (not) broken dispatcher also heard a grumbling answer to that, “Shut the fuck up Invisibitch! He’s just processing his luck to be asked out by someone this perfect. Aren’t you Bobert? Don’t worry, I will torch anybody who tries to give you shit for landing this hot piece of ass.”
Chad’s flexing and bullshit talk restored enough of Robert’s system to make this feel less like an out of body experience and more like a walk into an alternative reality. “Chad, are you asking me… to be your date for valentine tomorrow?” Chad, honest to good, blushed but did double down on his request, “yes bitch, I’m asking you out to be my valentine… and maybe something more.” Now it was Robert’s turn to blush. He played with the cup in his hands and tried to find the right words, “I- I’m really flattered and-“
“Hold it right there!” Prism shouted, ruining the moment to Flambae’s great displeasure and Robert’s mounting confusion. “You! You promised just two minutes ago that you would listen to all of us before making a decision.” The hero remembered that he had indeed offered to take everyone’s statement into equal consideration, but he didn’t remember agreeing to come to any kind of decision whatsoever. “Huh?”
“Don’t “huh” us bitch, be a man of your own goddamn word!” She wasn’t the only one looking irked. The others were also shooting him disappointed looks. He couldn’t have that. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry… So, what was it you wanted to say Alice. The pop star’s demeanour made a 180. She stepped up to Robert and while doing so shoved Chad extra harshly to the side. She ignored the bigger man’s cussing in favour of crowding Robert against the kitchen island, bracketing him with her arms from both sides, making an escape without deliberate force impossible.
Robert had no where to turn but look down into her face. The slight difference in high was perfect for her to give him a cheeky look over her glasses, before she stated her question. “Roberto, would you do me the honour and join me for the greatest party of the century tomorrow night? After all, a party queen looks even better with a cute party king at her side. Let’s give the people some eye candy, why don’t we hon?”
Oh, the irony that it wasn’t the fire user who made Robert sweat was not lost on the man himself. “I, eh, people want what?” Robert’s stuttering didn’t deter Alice at all, she was about to make it very clear to him but was pushed back by a hand in her whole face right the next second. Had it been anyone but Malevola, Prism would have blinded their ass. She just so accepted the disrespectful move from the other woman because she too had gotten all up in her face at the start of this mess.
Robert tried to use the moment he was free from Prism’s clutches to collect himself, but gave up on that the moment Maelvola’s tail sneaked around his neck, caressing his cheek while a well manicured hand gently grabbed him by his chin and directed his focus into her glowing, golden eyes. Had they always been this intense!? Her proposition ghosted faintly over his heated skin. “Sweetie, let me show you places you never knew existed. And if you like, I’d be very pleased to discover other places more close to home.” Robert’s lack of reaction was not due to him not understanding what she meant. No, he understood just fine but was simply too out of his depth to respond really. In contrast Malevola thought she should clarify.
Gone was the hellishly sweet gravel and back was her normal gentle lilt, “I meant our bodies Robert. If you’d like I would like us to have sex.” This time it was Viktor who saved him from finding, well, any answer to that. “I think he got that Mel.” Sonar was gently pushing his roommate to the side to take her place while she still wondered out loud. “Did he? I’m kinda used to more intense reactions to that.”
Viktor did not crowd or touch him (thank the heavens for the reprieve). Instead he smoothly commend a hand through his fur and reached inside his jacket to pull out a red rose and hold it out to Robert. “This is only a small token of appreciation. You will receive the whole bouquet tomorrow morning and I hope that you let me take you home to another one waiting for you there, as well as a good wine and a cooked meal by a private chef.”
Robert’s answer? A questioning squeak, not unlike a mouse trapped before the cat, or bat, gulped it down whole. Viktor just gave him a saucy wink and swaggered to the sideline, making room for Courtney. “Top that motherfuckers.”
Courtney flipped him off before awkwardly coming to a stop in front of Robert. He was once more thrown for a loop because what, a shy Courtney? The woman, who has been constantly harassing him to the point that the elusive HR had to step in was fidgeting, blushing and looking for the right words? “Get on with it bitch”, came Flambae’s kind encouragement. Still surprisingly helpful to get Courtney out of her own head. “Shut up dick, I know what I’m doing!”
After a bit more fidgeting, she came to a final decision, dug out two movie tickets from her jacket and thrust those with enough force into Robert’s chest to make the man stumble. “Here! Let me take you to the movie theatre tomorrow. That stupid flic is on you just can’t shut up about (note: he mentioned the trailer once in passing). I’ll buy you nachos or popcorn, or both you greedy fucker. Just- go out with me?”
She gave Robert one more intense look before hitting him (lovingly?) into the shoulder, most likely presenting him with another bruise and retreated to the others. “Real classy”, Prism couldn’t help but comment and might have earned herself a slashed tire for that. Later mind you.
Following Courtney’s act was non other than the formidable Waterboy. Herm stepped up to Robert timidly. He had thought that the others would all like to go before him. Bun when neither Janelle, Colm or Bruno made a move, he took his chance.
“I- I would like- that is to say- I think we,” he started and while some rolled their eyes behind Herm’s back, nobody made a comment out loud. Unexpectedly Herman fell silent, straightened his back to his whole hight (which was impressive!), squared up his shoulders and adopted a very determined look onto his face. Robert was feeling hot under the collar yet again. “Robert, I have admired you for some time now and I would like to deepen our relationship. Would you let me take you on a date tomorrow?”
Not. One. Slip up. That was the first coherent sentence Waterboy had (ever?) uttered and it was to ask Robert on a date. Nobody said it out loud but many considered backing up just this once because they were that impressed by this. And wasn’t it a scientifically proven fact that wet men were more sexy anyway? The magic of the moment was broken by Herm himself. “I- I mean- just if you like- have the time- anyways. Please think about- consider it.”
Waterboy shrunk back into the group but before he could try and make himself appear invisible Malevola clapped him on the back and complemented him for a job well done. Robert was so touched by the display of camaraderie that he startled a little at Colm’s and Janelle’s appearance before him.
Apparently the duo had used the time in the back to come to an agreement between them. Why go for Robert separately, if they could increase their chances by going together? Janelle took the lead. “You are a smart man Robert, by now you should know what we would like to ask of you.” While she stepped up to him and grabbed his left hand, Colm did the same on the other side and went for the right one (Robert had put down his coffee about the same moment he put the rose and the tickets down on the kitchen isle behind him). Colm picked up where Janelle had stopped. “Ey, a smart lad, but still rather dense when it counts, so we will make it clear beyond a doubt for you.”
Colm’s lips peppered Robert’s hand up to his arm in light kisses, making him giggle a little because of the moustache tickling him, while Janelle used this moment of unguarded affection to lean close to Robert’s ear and whisper. “Let us take you on a date Robert. Let us shower you in the love and affection you deserve.”
She was leaning back the next moment, the promise heavy in her and Colm’s eyes making Robert short on breath. With one last squeeze to his hands both let up and stepped back.
Reeling, Robert was reeling inside. Where was this all coming from? Why him? Why now? And how was he supposed to respond to any of this? Much less come to a decision he had apparently promised before this started!?
Before the man could spiral any more, Bruno stepped up and reminded him that there was still time, there was still one more person(?) he would have to consider in his final answer. The golem towered in front of him for a moment before he settled down in a seat. Less menacing and more approachable all around. “Robert, I would also like to ask you on a date, but I think not the same kind of date the others would like to have with you. Em, I’d like to spend some time with you outside of work. You are a really chill guy and I’d like to get to know you even better, so, would you go on a date with me?”
Sonar and Flambae facepalmed at that. This is all the big guy wanted to ask for? The rest of the team hadn’t really been worried about Bruno’s chances of asking Robert out successfully (as mean as that sounded), and had rather been very surprised by the golem’s romantic feelings in the first place. Turned out: Those feelings were not romantic at all!
Robert huffed a relieved little laugh. “Sure thing big guy. Let’s compare our schedules and find a date we can really spend some quality time together. Bruno made an affirmative sound, hoisted himself up and petted Robert gently on the head before turning to leave the room. “Good luck suckers. I already have my date with Robert confirmed.” And with that he was gone, leaving some rather flabbergasted heroes behind.
With Bruno out the door all eyes returned to Robert. It was time. No more confessions, only hard answers. The dispatcher gulped. His time was running out (literally! Their shift should have started five minutes ago! Any moment now Chase would come looking for him!). “I- I’m really flattered you guys. And I really do care for all of you! This is why-, how should I even-, I don’t want to hurt any of you. I just can’t.”
Tears had not been on Robert’s bingo card this morning. Muss less so his own! For fuck’s sake, he could be cut or stabbed and still would bear the pain stoically, but this emotional damage was getting to him fast. To add insult to injury that is the exact moment Chase entered the room, immediately clocking Robert’s distress and the culprits most likely responsible.
“Are you fuckers out of your fucking mind!? What have you done to cause this? Where is Beef!? If you did anything to that dog I swear-“ at his name the little dog whined and made his way over to his distressed owner. He gently nudged at his leg, asking to be picked up. Robert quickly swiped at his eyes and collected his angel of a dog, just to smother his face the fur. He breathed in deeply and collected the strength to face his team again. They deserved a clear answer.
“It’s alright Chase, We’ll be out in a minute.” Chase was still doubtful and shooting the team nasty glares, but at Robert’s decisive nod, he left for his station again. Robert took the expectant stares of his team head on, reminding all of them why they had fallen in love with this man in the first place.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t go on a date with any of you. I cherish all of you equally and admittedly each of your confessions made my heart skip a beat or more. I’m your dispatcher. I’m here for all of you. Giving one of you more of me, of my heart would break the balance and serve as ground for discontent that would break the team sooner than later. So no, I- I’m really sorry.”
Robert was prepared for many reactions. Dismissive comments about how they didn’t even care for Robert that much in the first place or outright hostile remarks that would scorn him as a coward or liar. Maybe just some awkward jokes about taking this all too serious.
Robert was not prepared for Chad’s warm embrace, for Alice and Malevola to join them, for Viktor’s hand messing up his hair even more, for Courtney’s gentle pummelling to his back, for Herm’s steady flow of words of confirmation or for Janelle and Colm reclaiming his hands and gently caressing them. This time it seemed clear who would take the word and voice what all of them were thinking.
“Stupid bitch, we love you. We didn’t want to put you on the spot like that,” Chad grumbled into the side of his head.
“That’s also why we were fighting about who should go first. We know you, you honourable fool! You might just have agreed to the first person asking you, thinking it was fair because first comes first. We had to make you listen!” Alice lectured him from the front where she was clinging to him.
“And you did”, Malevola nuzzled into his cheek affectionately. “Good boy”, Viktor praised and ruffled his hair some more. Courtney stopped the pummelling and leaned against his back, adding “we can all go to the movies, just as long we spent time with you.”
There was no stopping Herm. He just kept on muttering how important Robert was to him, to the team, that they would never jeopardise what they had and so forth. Janelle and Colm returned to peppering Robert’s fingers with butterfly kisses. “We are adults Robert. If you didn’t want any of us because you just couldn’t return our feelings, we would have accepted it and moved on. But telling us that the only reason for rejection is to spare the feelings of the others? Not gonna work man.”
It seemed that more than a minute had passed, because Chase once more entered the room, obviously prepared to physically drag them all to work. At the sight before him he froze. The Z-Team was cuddling a still crying Robert. But this time the tears didn’ not appear to be fuelled by distress but relief.
“What is this high school-level bullshit? Get back to work fuckers and stop crushing my child! (Beef, definitely Beef)” Everyone sent some choice words Chase’s way but let up from their dispatcher, promising him a great Valentine’s Day. Robert was feeling surprisingly giddy about what was to come.