Chapter Text
Yingxing was nervous though such a feeling had become something he was well accustomed to within these several millennia. A reasonable hum of anxiety had always been present within him, though if he had any thoughts about it, he’d say it was a vital feeling. A constant state of flight or fight was good for a being like him for the Hunt never stops pursuing, waiting to catch those who lower their guard. It was that nervousness that kept him alive thus far though nowadays he wasn’t quite sure if that goal was incentive enough.
So, a more accurate description would be that he was experiencing a spike in his ever-present anxiety. His hands fiddled with the controls of the starskiff, going over the protective measures he’d been checking almost every ten minutes like clockwork. Around eight-hundred years ago on the Xianzhou Luofu, a dangerous criminal said to carry the Abundance’s curse had fled their deserved persecution. That criminal hadn’t been seen since then, supposed to have gone into hiding to avoid being detained. The response was reasonable from the perspective of the criminal- what criminal wants to meet the consequences of their crimes? In fact, the criminal should never return to the Xianzhou to ensure they never face punishment; they should even stray as far away from the Xianzhou Alliance to be safest.
Yingxing, that said criminal, with coordinates set to the Xianzhou, also agreed, so, he too, was quite at odds with his decision. One mistake could end in him facing the same punishment as Hoolay, an atrocious monster that Yingxing was absolutely revolted to be in the same category as. He can remember the words of the previous Imbibitor Lunae from all those years ago so distinctly, the way Dan Feng had looked at him with desperate eyes, fingers digging into Yingxing’s skin as the High Elder made him promise he wouldn’t ever return to the Xianzhou.
That had been Yingxing’s mantra through his life in hiding. Every time he was homesick, every time he convinced himself he’d be able to sneak through, every time he made a case for why he wasn’t so evil as they made him out to be, he repeated that promise until it buried all his thoughts of weakness. At the end of the day, the Xianzhou was cold and ruthless in the face of the Abundance and so they wouldn’t hear out Yingxing, even if he were their former prized Furnace Master.
But, all that had been based on the fact that Yingxing wanted to continue living. They say people have an innate will to live, that when faced with death, whether through voluntary or not means, one’s self-preservation kicks in. Though what happens when the variable of death is taken away? Yingxing had once been afraid of dying; he lived in a society of people who had taken their lives for advantage, never facing the dilemma of whether they’d done enough, if they’d made a mark, if people would remember them when they died. Then he was thrusted into their position and quickly, did Yingxing see why death was necessary because stagnation was far more cruel than death.
Yingxing was tired. Tired of the hiding and secrecy and fear due to something that had been involuntarily forced upon him. He was meant to die hundreds of years ago but the Abundance instead ‘blessed’ him and interfered with his fate. Yingxing had never much believed in fate, back then he was very much against such a thing. Though now he couldn’t help but think that perhaps there were limits for a reason because the limits protected people and Yingxing was proof of the danger beyond.
He was going to the Xianzhou to die though not in the expected way. No, Yingxing knew he wouldn’t get a proper death by the Xianzhou if he turned himself in. Though the Xianzhou claims to not engage in torture, it didn’t mean that was the same story once behind closed doors. If Yingxing were to die, he’d die peacefully in a manner fitting for eternal rest. So, he’d come to the Xianzhou to see a fellow friend and confirm a hypothesis of his.
His foot tapped restlessly as he passed through the barrier of the Xianzhou, his eyes darting across the several statistics up on the screen. It had been annoying, Yingxing having to pay a hefty price to get his hands on some smuggled blueprints of the barrier. He’d then spent more months than he had imagined creating impeccable countermeasures; it seemed the Xianzhou had become a bit more capable because whoever was working on that barrier had stumped Yingxing for longer than he wanted to admit.
Still, they were no match for a former Furnace Master, a hint of old arrogance seeping through as everything came back normal and undetected. He flew in slowly before spotting a trading route, Yingxing easing into the line before setting his starskiff into autopilot. Although he was glad everything had gone smoothly, the fact that things had gone smoothly could be suspicious in itself. Either the Xianzhou was allowing this to happen, waiting for the right moment to intercept or a certain individual had turned a blind eye to Yingxing’s entrance.
Though he didn’t want to acknowledge it, he had a feeling it was the latter. But, Yingxing should have suspected as much for he had purposely used the same starskiff he escaped in. A starskiff that when scanned would show it was owned by the disgraced deceased High Elder so many millennia ago. Yingxing frowned, his lips pursing into a thin line. He hadn’t expected that after so many years, that man would still be so soft.
Approaching an intersection, Yingxing took the route heading towards the Artisanship Commission. Normally, one would consider going to the most obvious place the most dangerous but in this case, his forge happened to be the safest for him. The skiff transversed through several traffic routes before eventually Yingxing landed a little ways from his former residence. He wasn’t surprised that the surrounding area was practically deserted, his forge had probably turned into a ghost story by now.
Few belongings had been kept on Yingxing’s person since he had to leave in a hurry. However, he managed to get a hold of a spare Artisanship Commission uniform which was coming in handy right now. Changing out of his clothes, he slipped on the familiar uniform, body stilling as he met his reflection in the window. He looked almost the same as all those years ago except a bit younger now that the Abundance conveniently kept him ever youthful. It had been a weird adjustment to see himself so young when he’d been far into his older years with aging wrinkles and graying hair.
Yingxing did not run into anyone as he walked through the maze-like streets though even if he did, it wouldn’t have been a problem. He’d disabled all the cameras and security mechanisms remotely, replacing the footage so it would appear like any other day. Though he kept his steps quick and light, Yingxing still took in as much as he could, the Luofu appearing so different yet the same at the same time. It was strange to see life move on, the Sedition something most people had no knowledge of, the event buried under the sands of time.
While climbing the ranks within the Artisanship Commission, Yingxing had been the target of much harassment. Many times he’d come back to his forge and find blueprints missing or creations broken. So, he’d installed a multi-layered security mechanism that made it so the only way in without permission was by jumping the walls. Pulling out a key, Yingxing pressed his thumb against the flat panel provided before inserting the key and turning this way and that a certain amount of times. He knew his master wouldn’t have destroyed the mechanism, his old man too sentimental to not give Yingxing some protection.
He chuckled soundlessly as the door opened, Yingxing ensuring it was properly locked before heading to deal with the lock to his forge door. The lock was of the same multi-layered kind though with a few extra protective measures put into place. Because it had been a while since Yingxing had entered, he was forced to go through the whole procedure, his face twisted into a scowl by the time the door clicked open. Honestly, he was too smart for his own good, making such annoyingly clever mechanisms.
Yingxing stepped in, breathing in deeply as he inhaled a scent so familiar that it calmed him down instantly. It had been so long since he’d felt at home, a slow exhale sounding from his lips as he took in the scents of citrus and metal and brewing tea- brewing tea? Yingxing was certain he didn’t leave tea brewing on the stove before he left and he’s even more certain that no device of his could have continuously brewed tea for several millennia not to mention the eventual evaporation. Yingxing wasn’t even a real fan of making tea, he was rather bad at making it in fact. It was always a certain someone who complained-
“An auspicious day indeed.” Yingxing’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of one Luofu Arbiter General, his face shifting from shock to several different forms of anger. His first thought was to lecture, finger up and ready to wag, but then Yingxing realized that the man in front of him would probably enjoy such a display of familiarity.
So instead, he went towards a probing direction, “You found me faster than expected. Though I suppose that’s expected of the Luofu’s Arbiter General… Jing Yuan.” The words caused a slight shift in Jing Yuan’s features, a shift so miniscule that almost anyone wouldn’t have noticed. Though Yingxing had known Jing Yuan for so long, the man was but an open book to him.
“The Master Diviner divined that I would meet with something long lost today. It seems my intuition led me to the right place.” Jing Yuan answered, his words formal yet twinged with a longing that Yingxing couldn’t ignore. He felt a twinge of guilt twist within him, his mind conjuring up the image of a much younger Jing Yuan. A Jing Yuan who couldn’t hide his emotions as well, his pain and frustration written clear as day- expressions engrained into Yingxing’s mind.
“I won’t apologize for the actions I’ve taken. I wouldn’t have ever come back and I’m sure you know that.” Yingxing said, establishing his boundaries firmly. He can’t take Jing Yuan’s hand and tell him he’s sorry; can’t reassure him with promises to stay, can’t hold him in his arms and let things go back to normal. If Yingxing were to be the slightest bit flexible he’d give in immediately for Jing Yuan had always been his weakness.
Jing Yuan didn’t say anything for a while, a sort of melancholic expression falling over his face. He let out the smallest of breaths before straightening out, plastering on that lying smile of his as he clasped his hands behind his back, “Then I suppose that means ge needs something of me. Though, I wonder if he knows I’ve already given him all the favors I could afford nearly eight-hundred years ago?”
It’s a cheeky answer and Yingxing was sure if Jing Yuan weren’t the collected man he was now, he’d be wearing a rather haughty expression. Yingxing’s brow twitches imperceptibly, lips twisting into an exasperated smirk that he tried to hide behind his hand. It was almost impossible to not speak to Jing Yuan as how they were back then, the man making things too easy for their familiar banter to emerge.
“Then I suppose I’ll ignore the favor I afforded you a hundred years ago or so.” Yingxing countered, Jing Yuan stiffening up. His mouth opened and closed several times before he ducked his head low, expression abashed like a child who had been caught by their parent. Yingxing turned smug, arms crossing in victory. So many years to improve his verbal prowess and yet this Arbiter General was no match to his senior.
“You had accepted the commission so I thought everything had gone through undetected…” Jing Yuan murmured, Yingxing thoroughly amused. Around a millennia or so, he had received a commission asking for a sword to be made for a student. The description was so lengthy and detailed that Yingxing surmised he knew more intimate details about the Luofu’s young Lieutenant than most people.
Jing Yuan sighed, rubbing his temples in exasperation. When he looked up at Yingxing, he looked much more tired than before, his facade crumbling in the face of such a familiar friend. Yingxing couldn’t help but sigh himself, knowing that this reunion had always been doomed from the start. How could he just forgo years of shared history between them? History so intimate that even after hundreds of years apart, it felt like they’d just seen each other yesterday.
“I brewed tea, let’s talk.” Jing Yuan said, extending his hand out in invitation. There was so much more he wanted to say, it was clear even to Yingxing but neither of them addressed it, the elder walking past him into the kitchen. Jing Yuan stood there for several more moments, eyes fixed on the back of a man who looked to be frozen in time, frozen in the memories that Jing Yuan yearned for most.
Yingxing’s forge acted more like a residence than workplace as it had a furnished kitchen, bedroom, and bath. Though Yingxing rarely used the first two rooms, as evidenced by the rather lackluster kitchen he sat down in. Most appliances and decorations in the room were given by others and he’s quite sure it was used more by the people who had visited him than him himself. Jing Yuan walked around with a familiarity Yingxing didn’t have, opening cabinets that he didn’t know the contents of and grabbing items he hadn’t even known he owned.
While Yingxing was rather bad at making tea, Jing Yuan had seemed to only master the artform during their time apart. He poured the steaming liquid with an expert hand, his posture poised and relaxed as if the talent were simply instinctual to him. When Jing Yuan had visited, he had been the one to make the tea, except for the few times Yingxing did whenever he was attempting to make amends with the younger.
“It’s so strange to see you like this. I suppose you have a one-up on the wanted posters, they all have you as you were in your older years.” Jing Yuan notes from his seat across from Yingxing, hands cradling the cup of tea he sipped leisurely from. The elder looks nothing like the last time Jing Yuan had properly seen him. He was back to his prime, his hair long and dark along with a flawless face that often occupied a young Jing Yuan’s mind. However, he still holds himself the same as back then with a reserved but arrogant posture and soft look he can’t control whenever regarding Jing Yuan.
“I doubt it. If a change in hair color can fool the Alliance then I’m afraid they really are fools.” Yingxing mutters, his tone as gruff as ever. Jing Yuan notes the usage of them, the segregation stirring something within his heart.
“Well, someone’s been terribly good at hiding so far.” Jing Yuan says, his tone a bit too cheerful and smile a bit too wide. Yingxing raises a brow at Jing Yuan’s comment to which he only smiles more at, refusing to elaborate any further. He isn’t quite sure how to tell Yingxing that he would’ve made a much more selfish decision in terms of hiding him.
Yingxing’s eighty percent sure that Jing Yuan’s last comment was passive-aggressive but he refuses to dwell on the matter much more. Instead, he straightens up, hands clasped on the table as he regards the other with a serious demeanor he rarely showed. It’s enough to cause Jing Yuan to stop sipping at his tea, hand slowly setting the cup onto the table as if any sudden motion would cause a disturbance.
A part of Yingxing feels bad, guilt swirling around his stomach in nauseating waves. Jing Yuan’s concern is clear as day, his brow slightly furrowed, posture tense, and eyes holding a tense anxiety within them. Yingxing had always found Jing Yuan’s eyes to be especially captivating; the gold was light and warm, holding a pureness to them that filled one with an infectious sense of childhood happiness. No matter how well Jing Yuan got at restraining his facial expressions, his eyes gave him away, the gold flickering with a raw honesty.
“Yes, I’ve been running for a while now, haven’t I?” Yingxing laughed soundlessly, face growing weary. He looked more his age, his exhaustion palpable in both words and stature. “I always wanted to be like you all- have a life that was so long that I could afford to go slow. To not worry if I had enough time, to not be concerned with whether I would just be a blip in history. But now?” Yingxing swallowed the lump in his throat, meeting Jing Yuan’s eyes earnestly.
“Jing Yuan… you are an Emanator. An Emanator of the Hunt.” The words were vague yet Jing Yuan knew exactly what they alluded to. He felt as if cold water had been splashed on him, his entire body on edge as he stared at Yingxing. Most Xianzhou natives did not understand the concept of death, their lifespans being so far away that fears of mortality weren’t common.
His own concept of death wasn’t the best either, as death was linked to his comrades that had passed away. Death was something that took and so for someone as selfish as Jing Yuan, he spited such a thing. His dreams were always of the five of them, safe from worries and living an endless life of happiness. Life doesn’t always go as they do in dreams, Jing Yuan’s hands subtly clenching as he stared down at his half-finished tea.
It hurts Jing Yuan to be asked such a thing and it hurts even more that Yingxing asks it with such sincerity for the Luofu’s Arbiter General had no plans of granting such a request. He wants to grab Yingxing by the collar, look at him with all the emotion he’s holding back and ask him how he could ever request him to do such a thing? How could he look his junior in the eye, and tell him he has to be the one to let go?
The selfish part of Jing Yuan wants to ask Yingxing to live for him, like he’s been wanting him to do for the last several millennia. He knows Yingxing could never agree to that; he’d give him that sad, gentle look of his and shake his head softly, saying that’s not how things worked. But, Jing Yuan wants things to be like that. He wants Yingxing to care about preserving their past like Jing Yuan does, even if it's just half as much.
“You don’t know if it’s possible.” Jing Yuan says, his voice hoarse. His mouth feels dry though the tea in front of him looks grossly unappealing. He doesn’t dare look Yingxing in the eye, not wanting to see the expression he has on his face, especially when Jing Yuan’s telling a lie.
He knows it will work; he can feel the Hunt pulling him forth, seeking him to strike down the Abundance that lays before him. But, he wants Yingxing to doubt, wants him to be disappointed, and wants him to continue living.
He wants to know how long Yingxing has harbored such thoughts, what spurred him to crave death and what became the turning point for him to think it was the only answer to his emptiness. Could Jing Yuan have done something to prevent all this? Should he have reached out first? Should he have worked harder? Should he have let him go all these years ago? What-ifs, so dangerous to the mind that Jing Yuan has to remind himself of the present, his body slumping in defeat. He cannot change what has happened though his heart also cannot help but whisper that he can change what happens now.
“Do you know what you are asking of me, ge?” The honorific is intentional, Yingxing can surmise that much. He can also hear the hint of desperation within Jing Yuan’s voice, the only thing he could think of to say after his long, dwelling silence. Yingxing feels something squeeze in his heart, something that brings forth guilt and a need to apologize, to reassure, and to promise.
But, Yingxing cannot pamper Jing Yuan any longer. Out of the five of them, Jing Yuan had known the price better than all of them and so Yingxing only found it fitting that it would be Jing Yuan who would lay them all to rest.
“You live a long life but you can die. Death may be foreign but it is not impossible. But, for me? I cannot die Jing Yuan and I’ve tried.” The words are blunt, no flowery and soft words sprinkled in to lighten the blow. No, Yingxing gives the honest truth, wanting Jing Yuan to understand his pain, his torment, his grievance.
It hurts Jing Yuan to know that Yingxing had already experienced death so many times before, that he’d purposely sought it out even. He doesn’t know how Yingxing can come to him and ask for his death; he’s sure that no matter how many ways the elder tries to explain, Jing Yuan will never understand. For Jing Yuan, despite his calculating role as the Divine Foresight, held too much humanity fitting for a General.
There’s a part of him who tells him he should listen to his old friend’s plea. Yingxing had never been meant to live a life so long that perhaps it was only a matter of time until his never-ending lifespan damaged his psyche. He’d been living a life of solitary all this time as well, taking him further and further away from his humanity. But, Jing Yuan’s not even sure that even if he did agree, he could actually go through with it. Saying you’ll do something is one thing but actually acting upon it? It takes a resilience and determination that Jing Yuan does not have within him to carry out Yingxing’s execution.
“Ge, what is your favorite thing to do nowadays?” Jing Yuan suddenly asked, Yingxing’s face scrunching up in response. His eyes narrow as he looks at Jing Yuan, trying to decipher whatever aim he was getting at. However, the question was so far from the topic at hand that it threw Yingxing off, his mind unable to come up with any sort of adequate explanation.
“I sleep a lot nowadays. It’s the only time I feel the slightest bit at rest.” Yingxing answered honestly, not seeing any reason to lie to him. Through years of humble spending, Yingxing had amassed enough money to put himself into retirement. So, he spent most of his days sleeping off an endless fatigue, the lull of sleep the only thing to keep his mind at bay.
The answer was an incorrect one though Yingxing did not know that. Jing Yuan had expected him to say a multitude of answers- “I do still craft, there’s no shortage of people who need things made,” “I enjoy having a drink under the moonlight, basking in the gentle embrace the moon gives,” “Whenever something challenging comes my way. You know not many things bring a headache.” But, Yingxing had not said any of that. Instead, he gave an answer devoid of life, devoid of passion, devoid of him.
This was something Jing Yuan could work with, his posture straightening out into something more lively. Yes, this wasn’t the Yingxing he knew but rather a man who was simply in a… rut.
If Jing Yuan could not ask Yingxing to live for him then he would bring back Yingxing’s original reason to live. He would reignite his passion, bring back his drive, and return his humanity. His senior may have eluded him all this time but now Jing Yuan would properly hold onto him like he was meant to do all those years ago.
“Give me some time to think about it.” Jing Yuan spoke up, Yingxing frowning. He did not know what Jing Yuan’s plan was but he knew this was a stall for time at the very least.
“I’ll give you a week.” Yingxing answered, his voice patient. If time was what Jing Yuan wanted then Yingxing would give it to him. Time was not something Yingxing lacked. He knew at the end of the day Jing Yuan would accept his request; the man loved control and if he denied then that meant Yingxing would go off to die some other way. A way that might pain Jing Yuan more than if he’d just done it himself where he could control all the variables.
Jing Yuan left soon after that, the air too tense between them to revert back to light conversation. The moment the door shut, Yingxing let out a shuddering breath, feeling utterly exhausted after that interaction. It was hard to not be soft on his junior, memories of their time together flashing by with every smile and laugh. Jing Yuan may have changed but he was still the same boy that Yingxing had known. Feelings of shame and guilt coiled tight within his stomach, Yingxing trying his best to ignore such emotions.
Running a hand through his hair, Yingxing headed out into the kitchen, legs taking him into his workplace. He felt his entire body relax, a sigh escaping his lips as he took in the cluttered mess that made up the heart of his forge. He set his hands onto the wooden desk, finding that nothing was out of place, as if it had all been waiting for him. Yingxing sat down, picking up the pencil at his desk and twirling it around. His hand reached for his sharpener, hands on autopilot as he sharpened the lead to a length he was satisfied with.
For the next several minutes he completed the calculations he had been working on more than a millennia ago. The simple act brought him peace, knowing that his creations were complete in a way. His life had been dramatically uprooted, leaving his work in a constant state of incompleteness. It had frustrated Yingxing to know that he couldn’t pick up his work again, ideas discarded to never see the light.
Shuffling through his blueprints, Yingxing paused as he reached a particular one. His blood seemed to run cold as he examined the drawing mockup, memories of the past coming back in vivid detail.
“Ge, I’ve been reading on the cultures of other planets and found something quite interesting. Did you know some planets consummate their marriage through rings? Imagine, binding your love to a circular piece of metal.” Jing Yuan laughed, his tone almost mocking. Though when Yingxing turned his head, he saw that the young Lieutenant was more fond of the idea than he let on.
Yingxing hummed in response, turning back to his work. “That’s how it worked on mine. My mother and father exchanged rings in their wedding ceremony. There’s also the engagement ring that the one who proposes gives as well.”
Yingxing had always liked the idea of wedding rings, the craftsman in him excited to forge something worthy to be worn by his partner. When he’d come to the Xianzhou, he was quite sad when he found out they barely even had many wedding rites to begin with.
“Oh? How come you never told me that ge! The Xianzhou is real boring with all our rites based on the fact that we’re long-life species.” Jing Yuan paused, seeming to think. Grinning, he slung his arms around Yingxing’s shoulder’s, slumping his body weight against the elder’s back. “So, if ge’s parents exchanged rings does that mean ge will do the same?”
“Aiya, get your heads out of the clouds.” Yingxing scoffed, shooing Jing Yuan away. However, despite the annoyed attitude he showed that afternoon, Yingxing found himself sketching up two finger-sized circular objects late at night.
Yes, one sketch had turned into two which turned into five which turned into the final mockup Yingxing was currently looking at right now. He’d been so frustrated, staying up all night as he tried to find something suitable. Looking at the rings now felt mocking, every calculation and note seeming to taunt him.
He’d come here for one thing and one thing only. Jing Yuan would be the one to put him to rest and Yingxing would not be deterred. He had afforded Jing Yuan all the feelings he had within him all those years ago and now he was but an empty man, ready to sleep for an eternity.