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I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start
Sebastian had heard plenty about Blaine Anderson since his move to Dalton at the beginning of the year. He’d only gotten one glimpse of the golden boy before he’d transferred, a blow felt not only by the Warblers but the student population as a whole. He hadn’t needed Nick’s nudge to tell him that that was Blaine; for whatever reason, he just knew.
It was like all the breath had been knocked out of him as he caught a glimpse of brightly illuminated amber coloured eyes, before the boy was turning and walking away. If that hadn’t caught Sebastian’s attention enough, the curve of his ass in those perfectly fitting Dalton standard-issue pants certainly did.
Then one day, Blaine had simply appeared in the door of their rehearsal room, with a sort of fond nostalgia painted across his face, looking the very definition of dapper and debonair, right down to the immaculately styled hair and bow tie. Sebastian wanted him. And what Sebastian wanted, he would get, at whatever cost.
Blaine would never forget the first time he saw Sebastian Smythe. With those vibrant green eyes that seemed to pierce right through him, that easy charm that practically made Blaine weak at the knees. In that moment, he couldn’t think of anything, or anyone, else. It was just this boy, this boy that was reaching out for him, the slightest touch of their fingers sending sparks shooting through his arm, and the rest of the world had all but disappeared.
It had taken a significant amount of coaxing on Sebastian’s part for Blaine to even the entertain the idea of cheating on his apparently wonderful boyfriend, but he was nothing if not persistent. For one thing, he arranged with the barista at the Lima Bean that every drink Blaine ever ordered would be on him, complete with complimentary biscotti; which would have been worth it just for the flushed smile that would grace his face every time, without fail.
Sebastian’s best move, he decided, was just to turn up everywhere, as often as possible. The more often Blaine saw him, the less he would be able to resist, because both of them knew as well as each other that he did want it, even if he wasn’t quite ready to forgo his morals for it.
When it finally happened, Blaine had had a bad day. From what Sebastian got out of him when he called, he was frustrated, McKinley’s glee club persistently shooting down his ideas and sidelining him even though he was just trying to help. Blaine was a people-pleaser almost to a fault, but Sebastian couldn’t help but find it endearing.
“Why don’t you come over? I’m at home for the weekend, where there’s snacks and movies galore.”
Just as Sebastian had hoped, what should have been a simple movie night ended up with Blaine pinned underneath him on the couch in the living room within approximately twenty minutes.
Sebastian hadn’t pushed it; persistent was one thing, but he would never do anything against someone’s will. Blaine had been the one to slide closer to him on the couch, the one to let his hand rest on Sebastian’s thigh, the one to slip his hand round the back of his neck and press their lips together. Blaine had been the one to murmur I need you into his ear in such a breathy, desperate way that Sebastian couldn’t possibly have resisted, even if he hadn’t been half-hard from the moment the boy below him had sucked a dark mark against his collarbone.
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home
Sebastian didn’t let people sleep over, nor did he stay overnight anywhere else. But when he’d slipped out of Blaine and gazed down at how beautiful he looked, panting and flushed, eyelashes fluttering almost seductively, he didn’t have the heart to kick him out.
Which was how he ended up waking the next morning with Blaine curled up in his arms, the puff of his breath tickling his chest lightly.
“Good morning,” Blaine mumbled sleepily, a smile quirking at the corners of his mouth as he moved to pepper kisses along Sebastian’s jaw.
“Morning,” Sebastian replied, unable to stop a matching grin slipping over his own face. “How about some breakfast?”
It was official. Blaine Anderson had ruined him.
It never felt like that with Kurt. Never did Blaine wake up feeling so content, peaceful and generally happy that he wanted to sing from the rooftops. Everything with Sebastian felt so natural; had done from the moment they’d met, in many ways. The easy flirting became easy brushes of their hands, which suddenly became easy kisses and easy tumbling into bed together.
He supposed he should feel guilty; he’d just cheated on his boyfriend with someone he knew the other disliked greatly. But right then, he couldn’t even begin to form the idea of what he had done as being in any way wrong. For the first time in his life he felt truly loved and safe. He felt like he’d come home.
How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown
Inevitably, the guilt did kick in. The first time, it happened only once Blaine got back home, finally turning his phone back on to see a few texts from Kurt. Out of the safety of Sebastian’s arms, the full weight of what he’d done hit him with force. He just made it to the bathroom in time before he was throwing up violently, his whole body shaking.
“I’m a terrible person,” he whispered to himself, resting his forehead against the cool tile of bathroom floor as he cried quietly.
Yet, he went back to Sebastian. At first it was once a week, then a few times a week, until it was at the extent that he probably saw more of him than he did the boy he was supposedly dating. Often, they didn’t even do much more than kiss and curl up on the couch, talking about any little thing they thought of.
The thing about Sebastian was that Blaine never felt like he had to hide any part of himself. He didn’t have to reel in his enthusiasm or passion for fear that Sebastian would be in some way intimidated or even irritated by it. Sebastian accepted the person that Blaine was, and for that he was grateful.
“This is the last time,” Blaine would say some mornings, scrambling from the bed as he gathered up his clothes. “I can’t do this, I’m not this person.”
Sebastian, meanwhile, would stay perfectly still. He would simply sit in bed, watching Blaine carefully as he moved around his room, offering only a half-smile at most in response. There was no point in him arguing, because he knew Blaine would always come back.
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
Blaine had never meant to fall in love with Sebastian. Not when it had been a one time thing, and not even when it had become a more regular occurrence. He hadn’t even realised at first, didn’t register the way his heart rate sped up just at the thought of him, the giddy smile that would cross his face at the memory of his eyes, his lips, his laugh.
No one questioned it, because they all assumed he was just in love - with Kurt. And he, too, was so caught up in other things to notice that there could be something else going on. So Blaine would sit, in the back of the choir room, drowning out the noises around him and counting down the seconds until he could go and see his Sebastian.
Except Sebastian wasn’t his, not really. While Blaine did know for a fact that Sebastian wasn’t sleeping with anyone else besides him at the current time, he was also painfully aware that they’d never discussed what they really were, what it could be.
It didn’t matter though. It didn’t stop Blaine from all but running from his car up to Sebastian’s front door, jumping into his arms the moment he answered it and pressing their lips together softly.
“What’s gotten in to you?” Sebastian chuckled, holding him tightly.
Blaine shrugged, burying his face into the crook of Sebastian’s neck. “I missed you.” I love you.
The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone
Kurt eventually found out, of course. Rachel had been driving through Westerville with her dads one evening and seen Blaine greeting Sebastian with a kiss at his front door. That had been enough to prompt Kurt to steal his phone for a moment and scroll through his texts, which only confirmed what Rachel had seen.
Blaine supposed he should be upset that Kurt had left him, but really he should have ended things with him long ago. He’d meant to; in that way when one says they will do something but somehow it always gets pushed to the side. Perhaps it was for security; he didn’t know what he and Sebastian were, so at least he would have the safety net of his boyfriend to fall back on.
Kurt was surprisingly not as angry as he’d expected; he’d known things had changed between them and if his finding out meant they could stop pretending to be something they hadn’t been for a long time, then maybe it was for the best. Nevertheless, the end of their relationship made a significant dent in their friendship too.
Being first and foremost Kurt’s friends, the New Directions were quick to turn their backs on him after what had happened, which only made his return to Dalton that much easier. The blazer fit just like it always had, the weight of it on his shoulders wonderfully familiar.
“Hey there,” Blaine whispered, leaning up on his tiptoes to let his breath ghost across Sebastian’s ear.
“Blaine?” Sebastian whirled around, taking in the sight of the other boy not only at Dalton, but in full uniform. “What happened?”
Blaine frowned, stepping back a little. “You don’t look particularly happy to see me,” he joked feebly, worrying at his lip a little.
Sebastian shook his head. “Of course I am, but I..don’t understand?”
“Kurt found out, we’re over,” Blaine murmured, a momentary crash of guilt flooding through him.
“You don’t seem that upset,” Sebastian frowned, ducking his head to look him in the eye. “I mean, you must have felt something for him or you would have broken up with him ages ago.”
Blaine nodded, humming vaguely before he straightened up, smiling softly. “But, don’t you realise what this means?” he began, reaching to entwine their hands between them. “We can be together, properly. No more sneaking around.”
Sebastian pulled back sharply, one eyebrow raised. “Come on, Blaine. You know that’s not the kind of guy I am.”
Blaine’s face fell, arms folding across his chest tightly. “But we..”
“We had fun,” Sebastian shrugged, not quite meeting his gaze. “It was never going to be anything more. You and I both knew that, so don’t give me that kicked puppy look.”
Blaine choked back a sob, hitching his bag onto his shoulder. “Right, yeah, well. I’ll see you around them,” he whispered, before turning and swiftly running down the corridor. He refused to let Sebastian see him cry.
Sebastian cursed under his breath, sinking onto the bench in exhaustion. His breathing was erratic, his hands shaking slightly as he tried to steady himself. It was taking all his strength to stop himself from calling out after Blaine, telling him that of course he wanted that, of course he loved him.
But he couldn’t, not under any circumstances. It was just a gateway to getting hurt; that’s all relationships were, pain, heartbreak and unnecessary complications. He’d gotten too close to the fire and he’d gotten singed; he was not about to let himself get burnt.
I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'til you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
Blaine tried once more, turning up to the door of Sebastian’s house. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in days, his hair wild and free, soaked to the bone as he stood shivering in the pouring rain on the doorstep.
"Tell me it meant nothing to you. Tell me and then I’ll leave you alone forever, I promise,” Blaine begged, his voice hoarse and cracked.
Sebastian faltered, the hand that was on the doorframe tightening almost to a painful level. “It didn’t mean anything to me,” he whispered through gritted teeth, his stomach churning. It felt so wrong saying that to Blaine, to the one person he’d ever truly loved in his entire life.
Blaine nodded, smiling sadly. “Thank you,” he whispered, before turning and trudging back down the path, head bowed, feet slipping over the wet path.
Sebastian watched him walk away and all he could think of was how much he missed having Blaine in his arms. Burying his face into the top of his head, hands resting low on his back or trailing circles over his soft skin. He missed it so much that it was like a physical ache within him.
“Blaine, wait!” Sebastian yelled, running from the house down towards him, the rain lashing down and clouding his vision.
Blaine turned around, hands shoved into his pockets. “What?” he asked with a sigh, giving him a dejected glance.
“I thought I was strong enough to resist you, to resist this, but I’m not,” Sebastian panted, drawing up right in front of him. “And if that’s what being strong is, I think I’d rather just be weak. I want you, Blaine Anderson.” He paused, smiling softly. “I think I’m sort of madly in love with you.”
Blaine looked up, eyes flickering in confusion, but there was a hopeful warmth beneath it all. “I think I am too,” he laughed, before they were crashing together, arms circling each others wet bodies as the rain kept pouring down around them.