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Dick’s tired. All he wants is to get home, take a shower, eat something (anything), and fall into bed. Not necessarily in that order, but he knows that if he doesn’t at least take a shower, then he’s really going to regret it in the morning.
The last thing he expects to see when he crawls in through his apartment window is Jason sitting at his kitchen table sipping contemplatively from a can of beer. His younger brother raises the can in greeting. “’Sup, Big Bird?”
A number of different things cross Dick’s mind, but this is Jason so he forces a grin as he crosses the living room to lean against the counter. “Hard dicks and the sky,” Dick replies cheekily, knowing it would make Jason laugh.
He was right as Jason’s unmasked eyes widen in surprise and he barks a sharp laugh. “Christ, I’m going to have to remember that one,” he says with another laugh. “Thought I was the one with the potty mouth.”
“I was a Bludhaven cop and Roy Harper has been one of my best friends for years.” Dick arches his back and feels something pop as he stretches. “I can swear with the best of them when I want to.”
“Yeah, I just bet you can. But you’re too much of a Golden Boy to do it.” Jason gives him a challenging look as the mirth quickly disappears from his face.
Dick doesn’t want to pick a fight, so he leaves it be. “So what brings you to my humble abode?” he asks instead, crossing his arms against the bright blue stripes of his uniform as he resumes his spot against the counter again.
Jason gives him another look, making sure Dick knows that he knows what he’s trying to do and is letting him get away with it. He holds up the can of beer and gives it a gentle shake. “You and I got some planning to do, Goldie. Remember our plans to make Timmy sing?”
It takes a moment, but it comes back to Dick.
Oh, we’re gonna do beer goggles when Timmy’s cast is off. Take him to a club and let the liquor flow until we see who he ends up on the dance floor with.
He grins, exhaustion disappearing as a fresh rush of adrenaline hits his system as his excitement grows. “Tim got his cast off about two weeks ago. He’s doing physical therapy right now.”
“I know. But he’s far enough along in it that we can drag him out for a night on the town.” Jason swirls the can again. “This is crap beer by the way. I know you can afford better shit than this.”
“I like the cheap stuff, what can I say?” Dick narrows his eyes as a thought suddenly popped in his head. “You know Tim’s not going to do this unless we make it scientific like in the show.”
“Yeah, I know,” Jason agrees. “Surprised you watched that episode actually.”
“After that night, I thought it’d bee a good idea to plan ahead. I loved the idea but it’s been a couple months and I’ve had other things going on.”
“Don’t we all? So how should we do this? If this is what you have for beer, then I'm stealing your wallet and buying shit that tastes good.” Jason makes a face at the can.
Dick’s excited to get started, but then remembers how gross he’s feeling right now. “Hold that thought. I went sewer diving tonight, so I need a shower first.” He heads out of the kitchen and across the apartment to his bedroom.
“That explains the smell. And here I thought it was the beer,” Jason calls after him.
“Screw you!” Dick shouts as he enters the bathroom and starts stripping down.
“Sorry, but I’m not a leggy redhead!”
*****
Tim stares warily at his older brothers as they sit him down on Dick’s sofa. They’d ganged up on him when he left WE earlier, practically throwing him in the backseat of Dick’s car where he’d found a duffle bag with his clothes in it. Whatever they had planned, at least they let him change out of the suit and tie he wore to the office that day.
Both of them look pleased with themselves, which never bodes well for him. “What the hell are you guys up to?” he asks as Jason sits down next to him with an effortless flop that never ceases to amaze considering how big the man is.
Dick grins broadly as he settles in on Tim’s other side, effectively boxing him in. All his senses are screaming at him to make a run for it, but there’s a coffee table in front of him and Tim’s pretty sure he can’t quite make it over the back of the sofa and out the window before one of his brothers take him down. His leg’s not quite up for that yet.
“Just following up on something we talked about a while back, Tim,” Dick says easily and lays an arm across the back of the sofa, not touching Tim’s shoulders, but close enough that Tim knows it’s there. It’s like the man read his mind and is taking precautions, just in case.
“And what was that?” Tim asks carefully.
Jason leans forward to pick up a tablet and the TV remote from Dick’s coffee table. “Your type,” he replies as he clicks on the TV and toggles through the input menu to select the tablet that’s wirelessly connected to it. His grin is just as big as Dick’s, if a bit more toothy.
Tim feels his stomach sink. He groans and starts trying to bang his head on the back of the sofa. It’s ineffective as the sofa is high-backed and all his head hits is the cushion. “I thought you two gave up on that.”
“Nope,” Dick replies, popping the ‘p’. “We gotta know - what revs your engine, Timmy?”
“Or if you’re still the Boy Virgin,” Jason adds as he brings up a file on the tablet.
“Oh my God, no, please no!” Tim tries to get up, but Dick’s arm drops and catches Tim across the shoulders to pull him close. He knows at this point there’s no escaping Dick’s octopus-like grip. Once he’s got his hands on you, there’s no getting out of that grip unless you’re prepared to go for a nerve strike. Tim is almost that desperate, but there’s Jason to consider.
“Come on, Timmers, we’re even doing this all scientific like on the show,” Jason says. “So, here’s the control test, with you all nice and sober. We got all kinds in here, male and female, since neither of us are entirely certain which team you bat for, though your dating history indicates the ladies,” he finishes with a leer and waggle of his eyebrows.
Tim tries one last time to get up, but Jason shifts and swings his long and well-muscled legs up and over Tim’s lap, his socked feet ending up in Dick’s lap in the process. “Guys, seriously, come on. Let me go,” Tim says desperately but he knows he’s trapped.
“If you’d just tell us what your type is, then we won’t have to do this,” Dick replies in a reasonable tone.
“Speak for yourself,” Jason mutters as he brings up the first picture. “I want to see the little bird get shit-faced. Bet he’s fucking hilarious.”
Tim’s gaze swings back and forth between his brothers for a moment before he settles back into the sofa in defeat. “I don’t have a type,” he says a moment later with a sigh. “I never bothered to really find out and I don’t date, not since high school. It’s not high on my list of priorities.”
Dick and Jason are quiet for a moment at the revelation. They share a look over Tim’s head. “Tim,” Dick asks carefully. “Do you ever, um, ah…” his tongue gets tangled over the words.
Jason shakes his head at Dick while Tim’s eyes grow wide. He has a good idea of what his oldest brother is trying to say, but Jason speaks up before he can. “What the idiot bird is trying to ask is do you ever feel sexual desire?” he says bluntly. “We’re not judging and we’re not going to tease you if you don’t.”
The mortified flush rises fast and Tim can feel his ears burning brightly. He wants to deflect, to lie, to be anywhere but here, but he knows his brothers are trying to mean well. And…and it’s something about himself that Tim’s realized a while ago but never has had the guts to say out loud. He lets out a sigh and looks at his brothers again. “Not really,” he admits quietly. “I do sometimes, but only around people I feel a strong and close personal connection with. It’s…pretty rare that I do.”
Dick nods slowly, absorbing what Tim’s said, but Jason asks another question. “So you identify more as a gray-ace or a demi?”
“Pretty much.” Tim shifts on the sofa, but neither man make any indication they’re going to move anytime soon.
“I won’t lie, I don’t really know a lot about demisexuality,” Dick says. “It’s part of the asexual spectrum, right?”
This time, Tim and Jason both nod. Tim’s mildly curious as to how Jason knows about it, but considering what he knows about his brother now, it shouldn't surprise him. “In short, it means I only feel romantic or sexual feelings sometimes, usually after I’ve formed some kind of close connection with a person. For me, it’s only happened once with someone outside of my family.”
“Kon?” Dick asks, taking a shot in the dark.
Tim chuckles at that, relaxing a bit. “No, but it’s easy to see why you’d think that. It was Tam Fox of all people.”
Dick lets out a low whistle. “Okay, I did not see that coming, but considering what the two of you went through together, I can see it. Plus, you still work with her every day.”
“Yeah, but it’s been a while since I felt any interest in her. And even then, it was easy to ignore.”
Jason lets out an exaggerated sigh and gently tosses the tablet onto the coffee table. “Well fuck,” he says. “So much for getting drunk tonight.” He slides his legs off Tim’s lap and stands up, stretching a bit as he does. His black t-shirt rises slightly, showing off his toned abs for a moment. “We had it all planned out, Timmers. Control test, get shit-faced, then beer goggles. Even have the pizza order all set up.”
“Sorry to ruin your plans,” Tim says wryly, feeling more comfortable now that the topic is moving on to other things. “I’m still up for pizza if you guys are?”
Dick grins as he jumps up, all smooth motion and easy grace in a way Jason and Tim will never be able to replicate. “I’ll call it in. You still like artichokes on your pizza, right?”
“Yeah, but get whatever. I’ll eat anything.” Tim looks up to see Jason make a face. “Don’t even start,” he warns.
“Weirdo,” Jason retorts as he walks around the sofa to disappear into the kitchen.
While his brothers are busy, Tim grabs the tablet and the remote for the TV. He brings up Netflix, then takes a look at the file on the tablet Jason had loaded. All appearances to the contrary, Tim had to give Dick and Jason props for how they went about setting up their test. “Not that it had a chance in hell of working,” he mutters quietly.
“Nope,” Jason replies as he sits down heavily next to Tim again. There’s a clink and Tim looks up to see him setting down three shot glasses on the table in front of them, along with a bottle of Jack Daniels. “Win some, you lose some.”
“That’s not beer.” Tim’s voice is almost accusing.
“Nope, this was for after the beer. Seems more appropriate now.”
Dick settles in beside Tim again. “Pizza’ll be here in about 45 minutes.” His eyes widen at the bottle in front of his younger brothers. “Where did you hide that, Lil’ Wing?”
“You’ll never know, Big Bird.” Jason leans over and opens the bottle. He carefully pours three shots of whiskey into the small glasses before handing them out.
Tim accepts his, but makes a face at the strong smell. “I’m only 20,” he tries, but Jason cuts him off.
“You’ll be 21 in a few months. A shot now’s not gonna kill ya. Bottoms up, Timmy.”
Glancing over at Dick, Tim sees him raise his glass. “To a failed experiment but new understanding,” he says.
Tim shares an amused look with Jason. “Failure is always an option,” he says with a crooked smile.
“I’ll drink to that.”