Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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How to Deal With a Home Intruder at 3AM (For Dummies) by why_is_this_a_thing_now
Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Young Justice - All Media Types
31 Dec 2023
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Summary
Looking down at his hands, Tim notices a set of fresh calluses that weren’t there the day before. Shooting a tentative glance over at the weirdly non-threatening crime lord, he asks hesitantly, “Did you… teach me something?”
The man nods. “Knife.”
Huh?
Reading Tim’s obvious confusion, the Red Hood clarifies, “I taught you knife.”
Tim scowls. “What does that even mean?”
—
Jason shows up to the Titans Tower, steeped in outrage, plan in place, ready to stalk his prey, but Robin isn’t playing along.
He didn’t think that the kid being in civvies would cause him to wig out this hard. Is… is he okay? Should Jason come back later, once he’s more coherent?
Series
- Part 5 of A Basket Full of Red Hood
- Part 1 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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Summary
There’s blood on the floor, horrible splatters originating from a lone figure tied to a chair. It’s a scene Dick frequently sees in his nightmares – even this iteration of it, with Tim the one covered in so much blood he can’t even tell where his injuries are, isn’t new.
The tang in the air, the way he can feel the sweat dripping down the back of his neck, the shivers running down his spine, those are all new.
The incandescent rage pounding through him, narrowing his vision onto the cackling monster twirling around in the center of the warehouse, taunting him with stories of how Jason had screamed, in the end, how this new birdy had been so much more fragile, that’s new.
Dick can’t remember falling asleep, but he must have. Otherwise, that means this is all real. That means his little brother is in the Joker’s clutches again, that he’s too late again. That The Joker has won, again.
This has to be a dream.--
The Joker decides that he wants to mess around with another birdie. Dick does something he can't live with, and in order to save his son, Bruce does something Jason can't live with.
Series
- Part 8 of A Basket Full of Red Hood
- Part 2 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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Brotherhood of the Travelling Blanket by why_is_this_a_thing_now
Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types
13 Jan 2024
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Summary
It’s been a week since Tim woke up in the medbay, and he’s only now earned the ability to hobble around on a single crutch.
More importantly, he has a crime lord to track down – Red Hood had stopped in yesterday evening while Tim was asleep, and put that fucking blanket over him, causing him to sweat in his sleep and wake up three hours later, uncomfortably damp.
He has two options, now. One: he freaks out over the fact that a known criminal and self-proclaimed hater of all things Bat knows how to sneak into Wayne Manor without setting off any of the alarms. Or, two: he pulls an uno reverse on Hood, breaking into his apartment to mooch food off of someone he doesn’t feel bad about taking it from, and more importantly, make him suffer. Via blanket, of course.
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Stuck recovering after an encounter with the Joker, Tim decides that the best use of his newfound free time would be to track down Red Hood and enact his revenge for all of those times the asshole wrapped him up in that stupidly warm blanket. Clearly, that's the most important thing for him to do, once he finds the crime lord's safehouses.
Series
- Part 9 of A Basket Full of Red Hood
- Part 3 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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If You Give a Crime Lord a Hoodie by why_is_this_a_thing_now
Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Young Justice - All Media Types
14 Jan 2024
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Summary
Cassie scoffs. “Even if we didn’t call him, he would still show up. He’s a part of this team, whether he wants to be or not.”
The boys fall silent at that, taking in what she said.
Honestly, these guys. They’re so dense – as much as Red had claimed them with his mother-hen habits and his tendency to force them to sleep and eat, they’d claimed him right back. He stops by regularly, calls them all by either name or nickname, and has started to actually relax around them. They’ve started on setting up a cubby for him, down in the first floor’s entrance room. He can’t escape them, not anymore.
--
Red Hood takes to parading around Titans' Tower in The Blanket, sacring the hell out of the team. In retaliation, they make it their mission to get him to admit that he's slowly being cooked by the blanket's infamous sweaty properties - it doesn't go great, but the other things that end up coming of their hairbrained scheme are all pretty sweet, so they aren't too mad about it.
Series
- Part 10 of A Basket Full of Red Hood
- Part 4 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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The Rumor Comes Out: Does Red Hood is Meta? by why_is_this_a_thing_now
Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Young Justice - All Media Types
07 Jan 2024
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Summary
“What are you guys talking about? RH is a meta?!”
“Well,” Kon says, staring at Red as he twirls his swords with a dramatic flair of movement before they poof out of existence. “Uh, yes? Probably?”
Robin sighs heavily. “What powers does he have?”
“Sword,” Bart says.
Robin makes an annoyed puff – he’s gotten so touchy about describing things with one word, after Red had told them all about how Robin had asked him to teach him “knife”. Her, Bart, and Kon have since made a game out of seeing who can apply the same tactics to get the best rise out of their chronically sleep deprived teammate.
“Fire Sword,” Cassie adds in, for clarity’s sake. Can’t let Robin be confused, after all. He hates not knowing everything.
“You guys are being assholes on purpose,” Robin grouses.
--
When Red Hood stops in on one of the Team's missions, he helps them fight against shadowy figures that can't be touched. By destroying them with flaming swords he summoned out of thin air.
Wait, is Red Hood a meta?
Series
- Part 7 of A Basket Full of Red Hood
- Part 5 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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You Stole My Coffee, Prepare To Die by why_is_this_a_thing_now
Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Young Justice - All Media Types
05 Jan 2024
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Summary
“The battle of wits has begun,” Jason says, putting a threatening growl into his voice. “It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right, and who is dead.”
“This is the stupidest thing you could have ever done,” Tim splutters, bewildered. “All I have to do is use the data I have on what kind of person you are - are you the kind of person who would poison your own shit, or would you poison mine?”
--
After being called in as backup to take care of a sick Tim, Jason ends up in a battle of wits against a vengeance-driven Robin. Such a reversal of roles can only be described as, well, inconceivable!
Series
- Part 6 of A Basket Full of Red Hood
- Part 6 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies? by why_is_this_a_thing_now
Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice - All Media Types
17 Jan 2024
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Summary
Cassie rolls her eyes, flopping back onto the couch next to Robin and re-adjusting the blankets the person she used to think was one of the coolest heroes had displaced. With that done, she shoves a spoonful of soup into her mouth, and scoffs. “If you’re looking for anything harmful, you’re not gonna find it.”
“No talking with your mouth full,” Kon taunts her, apparently deciding that he’s going to ignore Nightwing. “You know how Red feels about that.”
Okay, scratch that. Apparently, Superboy has decided that he’s gonna poke at the older hero to get back at him for trying to tell them that their bother figure was trying to kill them. Cassie can get behind that.
--
Having just watched a video of Tim dropping after drinking an unknown substance handed to him by the Red Hooded Ninja, Dick races to Titans' Tower in the hopes that he can save his brother and figure out what the hell happened.
His visit... doesn't go as expected.
Series
- Part 7 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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My Brother, My Brother, and Me by why_is_this_a_thing_now
Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice - All Media Types
20 Jan 2024
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There’s a League assassin right in front of him, and instead of being on guard or trying to restrain him and figure out his plan, Tim is using him as a pillow. Tim’s teammates scolded Dick and made him promise not to upset their pet assassin. The sheer absurdity of it all is enough to make him pinch himself, checking to see if he fell asleep on his way over to the Zeta.
Nope, that stung. Not a dream.
--
After a rough patrol leads to an injury, Jason retreats to the first safe place he can think of.
This leads the Titans to freak out over their injured bother figure, and Dick finally being able to confront the person behind the mask of the Red Hooded Ninja who's been hanging out with his little brother for far too long.
Series
- Part 11 of A Basket Full of Red Hood
- Part 8 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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Red Hood? In MY Teen Titans? by why_is_this_a_thing_now
Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon), Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Batman: Wayne Family Adventures (Webcomic)
25 Feb 2024
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It's more likely than you'd think!
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The Titans have managed to keep their bother figure under the radar so far, but it was never going to last. Honestly, they didn't realize no one was supposed to know about Red, but if everyone's going to act like this, then it might have been better if they just went back to not knowing he existed.
Why's everyone being so weird about this?!
Series
- Part 12 of A Basket Full of Red Hood
- Part 9 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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Cutting Edge Flirting Techniques (DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME) by why_is_this_a_thing_now
Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon), Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Batman: Wayne Family Adventures (Webcomic)
10 Mar 2024
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Summary
Jason’s personal phone rings from where he’d set it earlier that evening, all the way across the room, and he dives for it.
Thank fuck, a distraction.
Glancing at the caller ID, Jason answers the call. “Timbo, you got a body you need to hide or what? You never call me.”
“…I wouldn’t need your help to do that,” Tim replies after a concerningly long pause. Holy shit, did the Baby Bird actually kill someone? “Anyways, he isn’t dead yet. While you ran around with the Outlaws, did Bizarro ever get hurt?”
--
Tim gets a knife as a birthday present, Kon gets stabbed, and Jason, since he's an asshole, is laughing.
Series
- Part 13 of A Basket Full of Red Hood
- Part 10 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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Battle of Wits Take Two (This Time with 100% More Poison!) by why_is_this_a_thing_now
Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Young Justice (Cartoon), Batman: Wayne Family Adventures (Webcomic)
17 Mar 2024
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Summary
Ignoring the tantrum the kid’s throwing, Tim stands and turns towards Jason, panicking. “Oh fuck, why would you do that?! I don’t know what he put in there, we may not have an antidote!”
Raising an unimpressed eyebrow at Tim, Jason puts the mug back on the table and crosses his arms. “What do you mean you don’t know what’s in the coffee, the little brat just said it was iocaine powder.”
Is it okay to feel the strong urge to smack your brother who just drank poison for you? “Iocaine powder isn’t real, Jason!”
“You two are overreacting,” Jason says, instead of coming with Tim to the medbay so he can hopefully save his damn life. “I’m fine.”
“You are an overconfident fool, Red Hood,” the brat bites out. “You are not fine, you will die in five seconds.”
--
In order to contest Tim's right to claim the title of Robin, Damian challenges him to a battle of wits. Tim would find it a lot funnier if he wasn't absolutely certain that this little brat just dumped actual poison into his precious coffee. If Jason could stop messing around, that would be great, too.
Series
- Part 14 of A Basket Full of Red Hood
- Part 11 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services
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Oh How the Turns Have Tabled by why_is_this_a_thing_now
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Batman: Wayne Family Adventures (Webcomic), DCU, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Young Justice - All Media Types
07 Apr 2024
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Summary
“Hey, I need you to watch this for me.”
Not looking up from his computer, Tim hums absently in agreement with Jason’s sudden demand. Steph had challenged him to make something that could play Doom in Minecraft, and he knows that he’s almost got it, the answer’s right there, he just needs to do a little more tweaking on his latest attempt, and then he’ll take a break from the game. Steph’s going to owe him seven cups of coffee, and victory will be sweet.
In retrospect, it may have been a bad idea to agree to do anything for Jason without first checking what, exactly, the asshole is asking him for.
...
In a startling turn of events, Jason leaves not one but TWO kids with the Titans for them to look after.
Series
- Part 15 of A Basket Full of Red Hood
- Part 12 of Red Hood's Babysitting Services