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It’s 2008 and Draco Malfoy is a secret assassin. It's legitimate - he gets paid for it, and some higher ups in the Ministry (probably?) know he’s out there… killing people. He’s quite good, but that tracks with his dubious accounting of rights and wrongs and his penchant for self-preservation. During his downtime he does a great job of acting like a pureblood in penance... mostly by drinking and shagging his way into oblivion.
This double life helps to numb Draco to the constant feelings of shame and guilt from his formative years in which he was an utter cunt- but everything is upended when his team (assassins can have coworkers, alright?) dies in action and he does not. Suspended and forced to go to therapy, Draco is adrift.
When Hermione Granger re-enters the fray, their hateful relationship that was once fraught with swotty bickering (erm, and the occasional slur) is suddenly tense in a very different way.
How will these two come together? How often will Theo say something terribly charming? Do we hate Ron or is Ron just, meh? Oh, and what’s going on with that one murderous witch who’s out to kill them all (forgot to mention that part…)?
Find out all this and more in: A HARD ROW TO HOE!
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 250,249
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Collections:
- 10
- Comments:
- 2,779
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- 6,343
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- 430,315
Bookmarked by Estell889
19 Feb 2026
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“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,373
- Kudos:
- 29,834
- Bookmarks:
- 11,842
- Hits:
- 1,777,755
Bookmarked by Estell889
15 Feb 2026
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Summary
Draco Malfoy is not, necessarily, a good guy. Maybe he could have been, once, but he chose differently. Some (everyone) might say he chose wrong.
After years in Azkaban and an extended house arrest sentence, he is released unto a world that somehow has only gotten worse while he was away… and rather than fix it, he falls right into step.
Or does he?
The Devil Works Hard
or: How Draco Malfoy Finally Did The Right Thing (And Really Shouldn’t He Be Called The Chosen One?) You’re Welcome, World
or: Who Needs Love Letters When Instead You Can Write Hate Notes - Draco Malfoy’s Guide to True Love
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 324,996
- Chapters:
- 33/33
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 2,543
- Kudos:
- 1,974
- Bookmarks:
- 1,094
- Hits:
- 125,326
Bookmarked by Estell889
30 Jan 2026
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Summary
Hermione Granger’s world shifted when an owl delivered her Hogwarts letter, and soon she was caught in a whirlwind of emotions when she found herself bound to an marriage contract with Draco Malfoy. Torn between two worlds, she must balance duty and defiance, Gryffindor courage and Slytherin cunning, and let love bloom where rivalry was meant to reign.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 61,704
- Chapters:
- 14/100
- Comments:
- 263
- Kudos:
- 306
- Bookmarks:
- 154
- Hits:
- 10,923
Bookmarked by Estell889
27 Jan 2026
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Summary
After laying low for five years, the war has come for them all.
Series
- Part 2 of Rites and Rituals
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 144,849
- Chapters:
- 24/52
- Comments:
- 829
- Kudos:
- 863
- Bookmarks:
- 455
- Hits:
- 57,105
Bookmarked by Estell889
23 Jan 2026
