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As soon as they were back in the bunker, Dean was dragging him by the sleeve to sit at the table. He ordered Sam to go get some ice, and lowered himself to see Cas' face at eye level.
Cas looked away. He new from the throbbing pain his eye must be darkening already, and his lip was probably still swollen. He could feel the crusted blood on his lips that had dripped from his nose. It was by some sort of miracle it hadn't been broken when he took the beating. Before Dean had stabbed the crazed hunter in the back. The crazed hunter who died still screaming of angels and their vessels needing to be purged. In some ways, he supposed, he wasn't wrong.
When he looked up, Dean was staring at the floor, seeming frustrated, or tired, or both. Then he looked back up, and their eyes met. Cas could see the regret there.
"If I had just gotten out of the damn ropes sooner-"
"Dean, it's not your fault." Cas said quietly. Dean sighed and lifted his hand, but stopped midair.
"Can I?" He asked. Cas nodded, not really sure what he was going to do.
He started to rub gently at the blood crusted over his lips, and Cas hissed in pain. Dean stopped and huffed out of frustration, but he did give up on it. He moved to his nose, touching lightly and then bearing down, looking for bones out of place. It still hurt, but Cas stayed silent, just closing his eyes.
Finally he got to said swollen eye, but he didn't poke or prod. He didn't even touch it. Instead he gently took Cas' cheek in his hand and tilted his face up towards the light.
Cas didn't resist it. He leaned into the touch almost desperately, and shut his eyes. Dean had stopped moving, but after a few moments, he seemed to decide his plan of action. He moved his fingers up just a bit, touching the edges of Cas' sweaty hair and rubbing it down. His thumb grazed Cas' oversensitive cheek but it didn't hurt. And then, with his eyes still shut he felt breath inches from him, hesitating.
He didn't open his eyes. He knew Dean. He knew his inner turmoil. He knew that despite seeing in his mind the feelings, it was taking a huge amount of courage to do anything about it. So he stayed still. Until finally, lips gently brushed his own.
There was no tongue, no biting or scratching, just a gentle touch, then the breath was back, and he wasn't pulling away. He made a choked noise, some form of panic, and pulled away, taking his hand from Cas' face in the process. Cas leaned towards it as it pulled away, so much so that he almost fell from his chair. Then he opened his eyes.
Dean was not bright red as expected, but instead pale. He swallowed hard and backed up a few feet.
"Just... wash your face and- I'll go see whats taking so long with the ice. It's probably frozen together again. Sam can bring it to you in your room." Dean said. He grabbed his bag from the table and rushed into the next room, leaving Cas alone with the fleeting feeling on the touch on his skin.
It had been a few weeks since the incident. With Cas' low grace, and the time to heal, his face was fully recovered. But it was about to be broken again.
Dean had been distant, and tactful in how he could avoid being in the same room as Castiel at any given time. But Cas was becoming desperate. He tried reaching for Deans hand, asking if there was something in his eye, saying he'd had a nose bleed when he hadn't, all to feel any touch at all once again. But no such luck. Dean kept his distance.
So if injury was the only way to acquire any care from Dean, so be it.
He watched the demon pin Dean to the wall with one hand, Sam with the other, but he didn't charge forward. Instead he lowered his blade and took a few steps towards him. He seems intrigued, he just tilted his head and grinned.
"Hit me."
"Excuse me, angelface?"
"Hit me!" Cas yelled. It was only a few seconds before the pressure connected with his nose so hard he fell backwards. He landed on the ground on his back, his blade dropping from his hand to come up and grab at his now bleeding nose.
With one of the demons arms at rest, it gave Sam enough time to fall from the wall and rush him, stabbing him in the side through his ribs. Dean fell to the floor in a heap, coughing and choking. Sam was breathless as well, standing over the body and taking deep breaths. Cas looked back over at Dean. He was glaring at him. This would be hard to explain.
Dean was not happy, Cas could tell. He didn't drag him to the chair, or even point, he just put his bag down on the table and waited. His hand on his hip, head lowered, Cas couldn't tell if he was defeated or pissed.
Still, he walked carefully towards the chair and sat down, waiting for Dean to turn towards him. When he did, his face and his eyes contradicted. His face was all anger, but his eyes. His eyes were confusion and sadness and longing, all stuffed together in deep green. One of them had to speak, and it was Dean who chose to do so first.
"Why'd you do it?" He asked simply. Cas didn't want to answer him. He just looked away. Still though, Dean stared at him, and he finally sighed and gave in.
"I thought I could... take him."
"Bullshit."
"It was a distraction."
"Bull. Shit! Cas! Bullshit! Don't lie to me!" Dean roared. When Cas didn't say more, Dean slapped his hands on the two chair arms and pinned him in, making him jump.
"Tell me the truth." He growled. But still, his eyes were desperate. There was no way he could hide it forever.
"You... stopped looking at me. Touching me. Getting too close. I wanted that back." Cas said.
"And you thought getting hurt would do that for you?! That I would be all over you the second you take a fist to the face?!" Dean yelled. Cas leaned away.
"Yes." He said quietly. Dean crumbled. He let out a huge breath and shook his head.
"Fucking... destructive, unhealthy bastard." Dean sighed. Cas snapped a bit inside.
"I'm destructive and unhealthy?!"
"Yes! You are! That shit is... its shit! You can't do that! If you wanted me to touch you then you..." Dean stopped. Cas took a chance and looked up. Deans eyes were wet now, not crying, not yet, but near.
"I made you feel like the only way to get close to me was to get hurt." Dean mumbled. Cas didn't want to tell the truth, but he nodded anyway.
"If you wanted... all you had to do was tell me." Dean said. He shakily raised a hand and touched Cas' face, and just like last time, Cas leaned into it. He hummed and raised his own hand, covering Deans, keeping it in place.
"You needed time, and I got impatient." Cas said.
"Yeah, I did! I do. I need time. Because you're..."
"Only my vessel is male Dean. I have no gender."
"Yeah, well, the way I grew up, we're taught not to mess with male vessels, so..." Dean trailed off.
"That's not the only reason." Cas said, studying Deans face.
"Yeah, no. I... look, you're the closest thing I have to a best friend. I didn't want to lose that, ok?"
Cas nodded. He understood. He knew that feeling as well. Gently, he took Deans hand from his face, and pulled it down to his lap, holding it with both hands, studying it. There were callouses, and there was a thin layer of dirt and blood under his nails. They still felt soft.
"Whether we have this or not, you will never lose me." Cas said surely. Dean swallowed hard and looked into Cas' eyes, trying to find a lie, but there wasn't one to find. He nodded weakly and pulled his hand away from Cas, placing it back on his face.
"Can I?" He asked quietly. Cas nodded.
He shut his eyes as lips touched his once again, still as careful and hesitant as the last time. Dean was careful not to push against his nose too much, as the kiss deepened, and he began pushing Cas back into the chair. Cas was starting to feel the effects and he gently pushed on Deans chest, making him back up a bit.
"That's... intense." He breathed. Dean chuckled and nodded.
"Sorry. Got carried away."
"So, does this mean you won't avoid me anymore?" Cas asked. Dean didn't exactly short-circuit like he expected, but he did become uncomfortable quickly.
"This is... new. And I just need time to get used to it. I'm not... I won't avoid you." Dean said. Cas nodded.
"I understand the need to take things slowly Dean."
"Good. Great, yeah. Then we're on the same page. I'm... I'm glad we... y'know."
"Kissed?"
"Yeah." Dean grinned nervously. Cas smiled. He was sure he knew the definition of adorable now. And embarrassed, flustered, Dean Winchester.
"So, can we go get some ice for my nose?" Cas asked.
"Yeah! Yeah, sorry. Let's do that right now." Dean said. As Cas stood from the chair, Dean took his hand.
"Small steps?" Dean said nervously. Cas smiled.
"Yes, small steps."