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Ever since they’ve started sleeping in the same bed, Azriel was never beside her when Gwyn woke up. She didn’t understand why, and, frankly, she was tired of wondering.
She didn’t think much of it the first time it happened - perhaps he couldn’t sleep any longer and decided to start his morning training early. It wouldn’t be the first time Azriel was already up and running before sunrise.
The second time, Gwyn thought it was a bit weird but didn’t say anything. For better or for worse, she was familiar with nightmares and the inability to fall back asleep, so she guessed that was what happened.
The third time, though, she started getting just mildly annoyed. She hated the feeling, absolutely despised being even a tiny bit bothered by this habit of his, but she couldn’t help it. And a week later, Gwyn couldn’t take it anymore.
Did Azriel hate waking up next to her? Or perhaps things between them had moved too quickly for this taste? Would he tell her if that was the case?
Gwyn rubbed her eyes and sat down on the empty bed, anxiety clinging to her chest as she let the unwanted feeling take over. They had shared their first kiss not even a month ago, and even if she still didn’t feel ready to move things forward, sharing a bed with Azriel was fine. Really, it was.
She loved his cuddles, the warm sensation of his relaxed body sleeping next to hers, and for some reason she hadn’t had any nightmares since she started spending the night in his bedroom. But maybe… Maybe Azriel wasn’t ready for this.
He liked being alone, being independent. And she knew this. He’d assured her time and again that he enjoyed spending time with her, but… Perhaps he only said that to make her feel better.
Oh gods. Does Azriel even want this?
Gwyn got out of bed immediately and quickly changed into her old leggings and one of Azriel’s sweaters, the one she’d worn the night before. She couldn’t help but blush at the memory, how his dark eyes had scanned every inch of her body and how possessively he had kissed her right afterwards.
“You should start wearing my clothes more often, Berdara,” he’d whispered roughly into her ear. Her back had arched at the warm sensation of his breath against her skin. “They look better on you anyway.”
However, the fuzzy feeling she got from the memory was quickly replaced by that annoying pang of anxiety again.
She should’ve asked him a million times before she’d agreed to sleep in his bedroom. She should’ve been one hundred percent sure about it, but she was so blinded by her own eagerness that she assumed he wanted this, too. But it was pretty clear now that he didn’t.
Gwyn knew she would find him in the training ring. They still had about an hour left until the priestesses arrived, and she knew he liked to warm up before the classes began. Luckily for her, he was alone.
“Hey,” he didn’t turn his head in her direction as he kept sharpening the blades they would use that day.
Gwyn guessed his shadows had warned him of her presence, even if they rarely did. Perhaps he recognised the sound of her footsteps. A Spymaster could do that, right?
“Hey,” she said shyly as she walked towards him. “Can I… Can I talk to you for a second?”
Azriel turned his head at that. His eyes were still warm, just like every time he looked at her, but there was also a small hint of concern in them. He placed the knife he was sharpening on top of the wooden table before him and gave her all his attention, “Is everything alright?”
Yes. No. She didn’t know.
Maybe she was just overreacting, but she needed to know. She was tired of wondering why she never woke up next to him, “I’m fine. I just wanted to ask you a question.”
“Sure,” he eyed her carefully. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
Gwyn arched a playful eyebrow, “I just woke up. How many terrible things could possibly happen to me in the span of five minutes?”
He smirked and was about to open his mouth to respond when she quickly said, “Don’t answer that,” she interrupted him with a knowing smirk of her own. “The point is that I’m fine.”
“Good save, Berdara,” he winked. “Shoot.”
Her stupid heart jumped at the gesture. He’d never winked at her before. But she shook her head and quickly recovered, “Don’t make me smile, Shadowsinger. This is kind of a serious deal.”
“Kind of?”, he took a step closer. “Well, I’m kind of making you smile, so I guess that’s even.”
She pursed her lips, trying not to give him what he so badly wanted. “I’m serious, you jerk,” but her playful tone gave it all away. “I need to ask you something important.”
Azriel was so close to her now that she needed to lift her chin to look at him. He lowered his voice, “Ask away, sweetheart.”
Fucking prick. He’s doing this on purpose.
That stupid nickname. Why did it make her knees buckle every single time? Gwyn fought against every instinct to throw herself at him and narrowed her eyes,
“I need you to be honest with me,” she extended her pinky finger between them. “Promise.”
Azriel smiled as he intertwined his pinky with her smaller one, “I promise, Gwyn. I’m always honest with you.”
The gentleness of his tone gave her the confidence she needed to handle this. It was just a simple question, she could do it. And they both could figure this out, together. As always.
“You’re never in bed when I wake up,” she blurted out as firmly as she could. Their pinkies were still intertwined, “Not once since I started sleeping with you. And I thought… I thought that maybe things are moving too fast and maybe you don’t want that.”
“Gwyn…”
“I know you’ve been worried about me and you’ve made sure I felt comfortable at all times but you also need to think about yourself, Azriel. What—”
“Gwyn,” he tilted her chin up so her bright eyes met his. When she saw the little smile on his lips, Gwyn’s anxiety eased. “Gwyn, my love. I’m fine. Things aren’t moving too fast, we’re following our own pace and I’m comfortable with it as long as you are. Yeah?”
She felt her cheeks heating at the nickname and the gentleness of his words, “But why are you never in bed with me when I wake up?”
Azriel’s expression softened, “It has nothing to do with you. I promise.”
She frowned, “Then what does it have to do with?” When he kept quiet and said nothing, she poked his chest, “Tell me.”
“I’d rather not,” his smile changed, and she immediately recognised the feeling. He was nervous. Azriel was nervous ?
“Now I’m interested,” she pressed. “Come on, Az. Tell me,” she pouted, but he shook his head. “Tell me.”
“Gwyn…”
“Pretty please?”
He shook his head in amusement, “You’re impossible, Berdara.”
“Does it mean you’re going to tell me?”
Azriel let out a loud sigh and gave her a faint kiss on the forehead, “Only if you promise me you won’t freak out.”
“Nothing you could ever tell me would freak me out, Azriel,” she said with determination. And in case he had any doubts, she squeezed his pinky. “I pinky promise. And that’s like, unbreakable.”
Azriel chuckled and gave her another kiss on top of her head. “Alright, fine,” he sighed again, and Gwyn almost beamed with anticipation. “The reason I leave our bed before you wake up is because my body does this… this thing that I can’t control and I’m afraid it might freak you out.”
Gwyn frowned, and looked at him in confusion.
“Your body does a thing that you can’t control?”, it sounded very weird. Azriel was capable of controlling everything. “What thing?”
Azriel looked like he was about to pass out. She noticed that the tip of his ears were bright red against his tanned skin, and his lips twitched nervously. Finally, he said, “It’s something that happens to men only.”
“What?”, now she was even more confused by all this. “To men only ? What could possibly… Oh. Oh .”
Gwyn’s eyes widened at the realisation and Azriel’s chuckle told her that her face was as red as his ears. “Okay. I get it now,” she said, flushed. “I guess that’s something you can’t control.”
“Yeah,” his hand moved to the back of her head, where his long fingers started massaging her scalp carefully. Gwyn knew it was his way of calming her down, but surprisingly she wasn’t freaked out at all. Only mildly embarrassed, just like when she read a particularly steamy scene in one of her novels. And she found herself… actually enjoying the thought of Azriel not controlling that specific body part of his in the morning.
“Well, just so you know,” she started once she managed to get herself together, “It doesn’t freak me out, Azriel.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded, “Why would it? It’s a natural thing, right?”
“It is,” his fingers kept massaging her scalp. “But I didn’t know how you were going to react. And I certainly didn’t know that you were so familiar with the concept of erections, Berdara.”
“I’m not!”, she smacked his arm, embarrassed. “I might’ve read about them once.”
“Or twice,” he teased. “Maybe three times?”
“Stop,” she scowled at him, but he was still smiling. She couldn’t help but smile, too. “Stop teasing me. I’m not the one who gets an erection every morning.”
“Not just in the mornings,” he blurted out, and for a second he panicked. “I’m sorry, I…”
“So what I’m hearing is,” she wrapped her arms around his middle and looked at him in a way that almost brought him to his knees, “that you get several erections a day?”
He lowered his lips so they brushed her ear, “Depends on how many times you walk by, Berdara.”
“Oh my fucking god.”
A new voice drew their attention from the other side of the ring. When Gwyn looked over her shoulder, she saw Nesta shaking her head and Cassian trying not to burst out laughing behind his mate.
Gwyn was about to say something, anything , when Nesta waved her hands in front of her face, “Don’t. I can’t unhear it now. Those words will haunt me for the rest of my life.”
Cassian was full on laughing now, “See, Nes? I told you these two were worse than you and I.”
“In your fucking dreams, brother,” Azriel said, his arms around Gwyn’s smaller form, holding her tightly. “May I remind you of a certain event that took place in the dining room?”
“Let’s just drop the conversation,” Nesta threw her mate a warning look, but Cassian’s amusement didn’t fade.
Gwyn frowned as she looked up at Azriel, “What happened in the dining room?”
“Don’t,” Nesta warned.
Azriel’s smile only broadened, “I’ll tell you later,” he whispered before kissing her cheek. He lingered against her skin for a moment, “Are you sure my… morning situation doesn’t make you uncomfortable?”
“Not at all,” she whispered back. Her heart started racing just by having him so close, and suddenly she felt a burning ache between her legs. “Perhaps I’ll be able to help you with it soon.”
Azriel’s breath hitched, “You don’t have to do that.”
Seeing him so worked up only spiked her own heat. She grabbed the front of his training leathers and pulled him closer, not even caring that Nesta and Cassian were just a few feet away, “You’ll have to teach me how to ease your morning discomfort, Shadowsinger. Preferably with my mouth.”
“Fuck.”
His grip on her tightened and she was about to pull him for a kiss when Nesta cleared her throat behind them.
“If you’re done being disgusting, we have a training session to start,” she said, but she was smirking.
Gwyn rolled her eyes at her friend and Azriel gave Cassian the middle finger as he kept laughing. The Illyrian threw his hands up in defeat, “This is payback for your disastrous time as my chaperone, brother.”
Azriel sent a few shadows to mess with his neatly done bun, which made the priestess chuckle, “Now I’m definitely telling Gwyn about the dining room incident.”
Nesta glared at him, “Do you want to lose your tongue?”
Azriel laughed. A real, deep laugh that enchanted her. Gwyn’s heart swooned at the sound, the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard. She felt something inside her chest then, glowing quietly but with more intensity than before.
She planted a quick kiss on his cheek and smiled broadly as she said to Nesta, “I think he’s willing to risk it.”