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    Summary

    All the easiest sources of protein and meat are automatically out,” Wilbur worries, claw tapping against his custom made chair. “Since…Phil. So, we’d need the expensive shit or we’d need to figure out what Tommy’s missing from the meat and ice.”

     

    “I’m missing the CRUNCH Wil, are you listening?” Tommy shouts.

     

    “Shut up, child,” Techno chimes in. “Keep distracting the bird.”

     

    “FUCK YOU, TECHNO!” Tommy screams, about to get up when Phil protests and gently tugs him backwards with another ‘follow, follow’ noise.

     

    Damnit. His hands are tied and he has no options.

     

    “You devious motherfucker,” he forces a scowl and leans into a scritch. “Trickery.”

     

    “Why don’t we buy eggs?” Ranboo says, ignorant. And…

     

    Hell.

     

    Hell breaks loose.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,270
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    76
    Kudos:
    1,470
    Bookmarks:
    196
    Hits:
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  2. 19 Feb 2026

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  3. 15 Feb 2026

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  4. 08 Feb 2026

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  5. 31 Jan 2026

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  6. 05 Nov 2025

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    Bookmark Notes:

    I have several book marks I would like to put here.

    Egg.
    EGG
    Wtf is this 😭
    Holy crap this is amazing.
    I spent about thirty minutes laughing hysterically at the links provided within.
    Dadza

  7. 29 Sep 2025

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  8. 08 Sep 2025

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  9. 30 Aug 2025

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  10. 30 Aug 2025

    Rec

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    Bookmark Notes:

    “Phil, Phil, breakfast,” Tommy says in birdspeak. Birdtalk. Elytrian language, though the actual name is some absolutely crazy series of cheep-chrr-purr sounds. “Breakfast, breakfast, food for, food for, give it back, you chaotic little shit, food for!!”

    He’s not sure if he got any of that right. The last bits were stuff Phil chirps out everytime someone steals his stuff so Tommy’s assuming it means ‘give me that.’

    I have more quotes but dont wanna find them

  11. 28 Aug 2025

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  12. 25 Aug 2025

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  13. 03 Aug 2025

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  14. 17 Jul 2025

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    Rf good ol crack fic egg

  15. 14 Jul 2025

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  16. 11 Jul 2025

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  17. 08 Jun 2025

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  18. 22 May 2025

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  19. 13 May 2025

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    EGG

  20. 07 May 2025

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    Bookmark Notes:

    lmao funny

  21. 01 Apr 2025

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