Work Text:
April 17th, 2015
National Haiku Day!
Hello everyone,
As you can see, I’ve finally regained control over this blog. I had to call one of my mates from uni who owed me a few favours (thanks, Steve, if you’re reading this – I owe you a pint!) and yes, I burnt the feet in the fridge. Really, I think I was rather patient keeping them there for a month. Don’t worry, I didn’t eat anything that you needed to refrigerate in that entire time. A word of advice; living off dry cereal and bananas will make you ill after a while. How the heck did I survive my student years? I think all I consumed for about five years was beer and crisps.
Anyway, I thought I’d do something a bit different here today because lately my blog seems to have turned into a bit of a circus. Today is National Haiku Day – yes, Sherlock, that is an actual thing that exists, so stop complaining – so I thought we could all share some culture, some class and some finesse by writing our own haikus.
I’ll go first:
Sherlock is sulking
on the sofa in the lounge
in his dressing gown.
Maybe I’m not quite Emily Dickinson after all.
Your turn!
55 comments
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored
Bored, bored, bored, bored, dull.
Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 10:53
Very insightful, Sherlock, thank you. Maybe you could go and have a shower now. It’s been a few days.
John Watson, April 17th, 10:59
That’s inaccurate;
yesterday I had a bath.
I don’t need to wash.
Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 11:01
That took you two minutes to compose? Hmm.
John Watson, April 17th, 11:04
Why the suspicion?
Haikus are an easy form
to quickly compose.
Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 11:06
Yeah, for Sherlock bloody Holmes, maybe.
John Watson, April 17th, 11:08
Someone’s in a grump.
John; no need to be ashamed,
we aren’t all poets.
Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 11:10
Oh, ha bloody ha. Let me guess, the Holmeses had a private haiku teacher at their estate in Sussex?
John Watson, April 17th, 11:12
John that’s very rude
jealousy does not become
men in wool jumpers
Lestrade, April 17th, 11:13
One minute?! OK, I know Mycroft fed you that one.
John Watson, April 17th, 11:15
On the contrary;
Greg is quite the poet, John.
He was born to rhyme!
Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 11:17
:)
Lestrade, April 17th, 11:20
The sight of Mycroft Holmes using exclamation marks is a very disturbing one. And Lestrade, how come it takes you sixty seconds to write a poem but three minutes to write a smiley face?
John Watson, April 17th, 11:26
I’m at work!! Will try to get Anderson and Donovan on here later, quite fancy seeing Anderson’s attempts at verse
Lestrade, April 17th, 11:34
I wonder if he wooed Donovan through poetry??
Yes, I have a wife,
but my bed is often cold
come to me, Sally!
Lestrade, April 17th, 11:36
This is the worst idea I have ever had.
John Watson, April 17th, 11:40
poetry is not beyond / britains greatest detective / what can he not do????
theimprobableone, April 17th, 12:03
When I was told to come on here, I didn’t expect to see my private life discussed through the medium of the haiku!! This is war…
Mycroft and Lestrade
sitting in a tree, naked;
people, don’t look up!
Sally Donovan, April 17th, 12:16
Need I remind you of the minor position I occupy in British government, Ms Donovan…?
Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 12:18
or the position he occupies in Lestrade
Anderson, April 17th, 12:25
I am technically your boss, you know.
Lestrade, April 17th, 12:29
sorry please dont fire me
Anderson, April 17th, 12:34
Kittens are so nice to have
they let you stroke them and play
lots of lovely games!!! xxxxxx
Molly Hooper, April 17th, 12:35
I won’t fire you, Anderson, but if I could I would fire Molly for that!!
Lestrade, April 17th, 12:37
Are you not a cat person? :( xxxxx
Molly Hooper, April 17th, 12:40
That is definitely my main objection towards your poem, yes
Lestrade, April 17th, 12:46
Trouble at the office, Gregory? Is there any way I can assist?
Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 12:58
Not unless you can make this mountain of paperwork disappear and be replaced with a vat of black coffee
Lestrade, April 17th, 13:04
I’ll see what I can do.
Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 13:05
Since I wrote this post,
Sherlock has blown up the fridge
which was full of blood.
Lestrade, if I kill him, will you ensure it’s written off as justifiable homicide?
John Watson, April 17th, 13:47
I could do that seeing as I don’t have anything else to do today except tell off my subordinates but only after I finish this coffee!! :D
Lestrade, April 17th, 14:00
Mycroft pulled through, then? Must be nice to have a boyfriend with power, boss
Sally Donovan, April 17th, 14:08
HAHAHAHAHAHA SALLY THAT WAS POETRY IF YOU READ IT OUT OF CONTEXT THATS HILARIOUS LOL
Harry, April 17th, 14:17
Oh sweet Lord.
Sally Donovan, April 17th, 14:21
oh hang on are we meant to write a poem here??? ok
john i havent drunk in weeks
hope that you are proud of me
maybe i can visit you when youve cleaned up all the mess lol
Harry, April 17th, 14:28
It’s National Haiku day, not National Rhyming Couplet Day, Harry! And well done, I’m proud of you. Yeah, as soon as I can stand to look at my own flat, I’ll give you a text.
John Watson, April 17th, 14:34
oh sorry i was never very good at writing lol
Harry, April 17th, 14:38
I don’t know, I personally found your comment from a few days ago to be deeply enlightening. I can’t remember the exact wording of it – it was so profound that my brain could scarcely comprehend it, let alone remember it exactly – but it was something like ‘lgkhgf42pcfop;aqo!!’
Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 14:49
Sherlock.
John Watson, April 17th, 15:01
What, not good?
Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 15:06
I am not even going to dignify that with a response. Now, clean up the bloody mess!
John Watson, April 17th, 15:09
yeah sherlock!!
Harry, April 17th, 15:14
I apologise
for the fact that my brother
isn’t quite human.
Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 15:19
John, a professional cleaning team is on its way to you, ETA half an hour
Anthea?, April 17th, 15:26
Mycroft, you’re an absolute wonder. Greg, think you got the better Holmes deal! On a side note, has anyone seen Bill Murray around? Mike? He’s normally commented by now. Thanks!
John Watson, April 17th, 16:07
Dosdn’t thdcank dsme, thadat waas acll Anthcea. I asm otheadrwise occupieeedde
Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 16:11
John hasn’t anyone told you? Sorry mate I thought the hospital might have been in touch, Bill had a heart attack yesterday, think he’s ok but he’s going to be there for at least another few days, sorry you found out so late mate
Mike Stamford, April 17th, 16:23
Thanks, Mike. Could you message me the number of the ward or something?
John Watson, April 17th, 16:34
I can but I dont think hes expecting you to visit
Mike Stamford, April 17th, 16:39
Well, I will be. If you could message me, that would be great. Thanks.
John Watson, April 17th, 17:01
John, if you had kept
in touch with your oldest friend,
you would have been told.
Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 17:14
Now is not the time, Sherlock. Seriously. Please. Go off and bother someone else.
John Watson, April 17th, 17:20
Bloody hell, freak. I don’t think you’re just a psychopath, I think you have foot-in-mouth syndrome too.
Sally Donovan, April 17th, 17:38
John, I’ve messaged you with the details of Mr Murray’s ward and his condition. If you require any further assistance, please do let me know.
Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 17:42
Am I too late for the poetry boys?
Sherlock makes a mess
but I’m not his housekeeper.
He can clean it up.
This is Mrs Hudson by the way
Marie Turner, April 17th, 17:57
Well, on a positive note, this blog isn’t JUST a circus any more
Lestrade, April 17th, 18:01