Chapter Text
“Garchu!”
“Luffy, get them off me!”
Nami watched a few of the Mink tribe get cozy with Zoro, and Zoro respond how he did whenever anyone not nakama touched him - like a cat dunked in a bath. She giggled a bit at that thought as there was a Jaguar Mink trying to cuddle Zoro.
“Luffy!” Zoro was yelling and trying to push them away, but every time he freed himself from one, another was hugging him. And ooh boy, one licked him and Zoro was turning red with anger. Luffy was just standing there, being hugged and not caring.
“It’s fine Zoro, they are just being friendly! This place is great! Garchu!” Several of the Mink shouted as well, and Nami saw Zoro get licked again.
“Hey, private property,” Zoro growled, “No fucking garchu, no cuddles, and definitely no tasting me! Luffy, you know how I feel about this.” Nami frowned because there was a bit of a different tone on it. She knew Zoro didn’t like being touched a lot, but this seemed extreme even for him. He had had camaraderie with people before. There had been tons of parties where he had his arm slung around others.
“Right,” Luffy went over and stared at the Mink. “You are great, and you can garchu any of my crew. Except Zoro. Zoro doesn’t like it, so I am asking you to please stop.” The Mink all apologized to Zoro, and eased away. Nami watched Luffy talk to Zoro and Zoro seemed to relax.
She was just glad Zoro’s general grumpiness wasn’t going to impact their relationships here. Zoro laughed at something Luffy said, and pushed him. All good.
A couple days later, Nami was sitting with Robin a quiet moment before the friends would be separated again. She had missed Robin. “Oh! I forgot to ask, did it happen again?”
Robin laughed, “Of course it did. Rebecca.”
Nami shook her head fondly. “Madly in love?”
“Indeed. Though she is 16, I am sure it will pass.”
“And Carrot is already giving Luffy that look too, and he wasn’t even the one to save the people here it was us.” Nami tilted her face up to the sun. “And I assume Luffy as ever had no damn clue that yet another beautiful young and important woman has fallen madly in love with him?”
“Not a single clue. He freed her from the palace, carrying her on his back through the air, to meet her father.”
“Oh save us all, she is never getting over that.” Nami flopped back onto the grass. “I was talking with Traffy, the things he told me about Boa Hancock’s reaction to Luffy - you heard?” Robin giggled so Nami guessed she did know. “At least Vivi it was a small crush, but each new one it grows.”
“My understanding is that you were a big reason that Vivi’s crush didn’t grow to the heights they usually do.”
Nami smiled as she thought of Vivi and their nights together. She missed Vivi a lot, but their lives were on such different paths. Maybe one day they’d intersect again. She hoped so. “Wonder who will fall desperately in love with Luffy when we go to rescue Sanji.”
“What is the betting pool up to?”
“Which one, the Luffy notices all the crushes people get on him, or Luffy falls in love with one of the people he rescues?”
“Either,” Robin lay down next to her. “Viola tried to talk to Luffy about Rebecca’s crush and to be gentle with her. He of course took it to be remember she is human and doesn’t bounce when she hits the ground.”
Nami snorted a bit. “Garp added to his bet.” They both gestured a curse to the sea for Garp because he might be Luffy’s grandfather but also he sure as fuck could have done more at Marineford. “Apparently Boa Hancock regularly writes him for information about Luffy and calling him Grandfather. He thinks she’ll be the one to actually reel Luffy in. So both pools are up to a million berries.”
“Healthy sum.” They could hear shouting and looked over.
“Zoro, I’m going to be gone for weeks.”
“Yeah, after an idiot who didn’t trust that you would deal with shit when you arrived. I stand by my vote to leave his ass to rot!”
“Zoro doesn’t mean it,” Luffy replied.
Nami sat up to watch them. “Zoro and Sanji never get along but this seems like more than the usual response.”
“It does, but think about Usopp. Even if Sanji left to keep you three safe, he still left his captain, didn’t trust Luffy. You know how Zoro feels about that.”
“Yeah,” Nami nodded a bit. Thought of over the years. You could call Luffy an idiot, beat the hell out of him, and Zoro would laugh. Even the barest hint of disloyalty and Zoro looked like he wanted to rip your throat out with his teeth. They watched Zoro and Luffy argue, gestures flying from both of them.
“Two years, and now weeks!” Zoro yelled clear enough.
“I KNOW!” Luffy yelled back. “I know.”
Nami saw them stop, stop yelling, stop moving, just stare at each other in that weird way they sometimes did. Made you think there was something you’d never understand about them. No matter that she had been with them so soon after they were together, Zoro was still the first nakama, there was something there the rest of them would never have with Luffy, no matter what. Zoro nodded, Luffy smiled, and the fight seemed done. They walked off in opposite directions completely at ease.
“And that is that,” Robin said. “You’ll stay safe, won’t you?”
“I will. Luffy won’t let anything happen to us.” Nami bit her lip. “I need to get Sanji back. He did this for us, and we’re going to do this for him.”
“We will meet again on Wano.”
“On Wano. To defeat an emperor.” Nami sighed. “Sometimes I wonder what our lives are.”
“Would you change it?”
Nami looked at Robin. “Not for a second.”
*
“Huh,” Nami was guiding them to Wano and paused to think. She looked at everyone on the deck. “Hey, Sanji?”
“Yes my beloved Nami?” She ignored his heart eyes. “What may I bring you to soothe you? Food, drink, a warm blanket?”
“Did I miss it, or did no woman actually fall in love with Luffy there?”
The crew on the deck went quiet as they were all clearly thinking. Pedro and Carrot were ignoring it and fishing, and Luffy was sitting on the Sunny’s head, trying to see Wano even though they were days away from it, maybe a couple weeks.
“Sanji’s sister was nice to Luffy, but didn’t fall in love with him,” Chopper said after a moment.
“Pudding didn’t either, and typically that is where’d you expect it,” Sanji added. He lit a cigarette. Stared out at the ocean, quiet for a moment. He had been quieter since they left whole cake. Nami went over and hugged him. He didn’t even get all Sanji about it, just leaned in for a moment. “Nope, this might be the first instance in a long time of no one falling in love with Luffy.”
“Indeed, sometimes it is a man that falls in love with Luffy, and that did not occur either.” Brook was plucking some notes on his guitar, but not really making music. “Perhaps on an island made of food, a man who will eat anything in front of him is not so crush worthy as he is in other locations.”
That was actually a fair point.
“Still a bit odd, for once no one fell in love with Luffy.” Sanji shook his head. “Used to bug me how much women fall in love with him and he never notices, but hell look how we all follow him.” They all made noises of agreement. “Pudding, do you think she’ll be alright?”
“She tried to kill you!” Chopper screeched.
“Not a man to hold a grudge when it comes to a beautiful lady.”
Nami looked at him. “Are you going to be okay, Sanji?”
“Yeah, eventually,” Sanji looked to where Luffy was. “So long as Zoro doesn’t kill me for all this. He is not going to be happy when he finds out Luffy and I fought, and that Luffy starved himself for me.”
They were all quiet. Not happy didn’t quite cover it. Nami was going to try to say something comforting, reassuring, but even she wasn’t that good a liar. Carrot leaned over and bit Sanji’s ear. “Luffy won’t let him kill you.”
And at least Sanji was distracted by Carrot from the thoughts.
“Sanji, I’m hungry!” they all heard and everything in Sanji relaxed.
“On it, Captain.” Sanji went to the kitchen and Nami went to the prow.
“Luffy?”
“Food’s ready?”
“You told him five seconds ago!”
“But he’s Sanji, he can maybe cook that quick,” Luffy was looking ahead. “Wano, Wano, Wanna Know where you are! Hey Brook, I wrote a song!”
Nami reached over and yanked Luffy off the Sunny’s head and onto the deck. “Sanji is all messed up - it is different than Usopp, so you gotta make sure that Zoro isn’t a jerk about it all.”
“I do?”
“YES!” Nami shook Luffy a bit. “This is different, but if he finds out Sanji beat you up, he will get all angry, and maybe he’ll tell you that it is him or Sanji, like he did before -“
“No, he won’t,” Luffy laughed and Nami couldn’t understand why - this was serious. “Zoro would never do that again, we agreed.”
“Agreed? When?”
“During our what if conversations, duh,” Luffy had a finger in his ear and when he pulled it out Nami wasn’t sure if it was wax or chocolate and in the early days that would have made her vomit, but she was too used to it now, just slapped his hand away when he clearly would have eaten it. “It was chocolate, Nami!”
“Seriously, how? How come you, I weep for humanity that people keep falling in love with you. At least no one did this time?”
“Love, what are you talking about?” Luffy scrunched his face up. “What people?”
“An idiot is the future king.”
“Luffy, snack is ready!”
Nami with long practice shifted out of the way as Luffy bolted for food, his pants falling down around his ankles from the weight lost over the last week and a half.
Honestly, if any of those women had even seen Luffy’s bony ass, they’d fall out of love so quickly. That was a thought, the tabloids might actually pay some decent berries for a photo like that. She’d have to think about it.
*
Nami groaned as they partied after freeing Wano as a few women were giving Luffy that you are a hero and we love you look. For a moment even Yamato had those eyes, but luckily that guy had enough sense not to walk down that emotional road. But in an odd turn of events one of the women was giving the look to Zoro.
Who it seemed was just as oblivious as Luffy. “Zoro?”
“Yeah?” Zoro came over. “You need something?”
“Maybe you want to ask Hiyori to go for a walk? The flowers are really pretty along that path there,” Nami nudged. Zoro lifted a bottle and she snatched it away. “She is watching you, take her for a walk.”
“I’ve walked with her all over goddamn Wano, she can be someone else’s problem now.”
“Zoro!” Nami hit him. “What is wrong with you?”
“I’m not leaving Luffy.”
“He’s stuffing his face, and talking with Traffy. It’s fine.” She saw Zoro get a look in his eyes. “Zoro? Isn’t it fine he’s talking with Traffy?”
“No, because Law said something once or a dozen times on his ship.”
“What?” Nami looked over and saw Luffy on Law’s back, laughing like mad, and Traffy was almost smiling. “Did he say something bad?”
“Yes,” Zoro growled and Nami watched him go over and glare at Law, which made Luffy laugh even more before he dove to be on Zoro instead. Zoro was still glaring at Law a bit, which just made the man smirk and say something that had Kidd laughing so hard, alcohol shot through his nose.
Nami caught her breath as Zoro gave a teasing kick to Traffy’s shin and stuck out his tongue, before carrying Luffy away. She felt faint because it got an actual bellow of a laugh from Traffy, something they had never heard.
“Zoro, you and Luffy are still injured, you need to be careful!” Chopper was chasing after them, and Law caught the reindeer.
“Give them some time alone,” Law said almost too softly for Nami to catch it, but she had been moving forward desperately curious. “Zoro will take care to make sure Luffy doesn’t over do it.”
Kidd laughed, “Yeah, he’ll be laying down for sure.”
Traffy hit Kidd who said something about the future king on his knees, and Nami stepped forward ready to defend Luffy from being threatened like that but all the men around Kidd laughed and hauled him away to the party. Law was focused on reassuring Chopper that Zoro would take good care of Luffy, which was a bit of a joke because Zoro barely took care of himself. But Chopper was reassured and went back to the party.
Nami strolled over to Law. “Traffy what was all that about?”
“Nothing. On my ship, just learned a fun way to wind Zoro up.”
“Oh I like that idea!” Nami leaned forward. “Share, Traffy!” The idea of having one over on Zoro delicious.
“Wouldn’t work from one of you would it, not at this point.” Why did Traffy look so confused at that? “Zoro would hardly believe one of you wanted Luffy.”
“To do what?” Nami was confused.
Law laughed. “Good one. I’m going over there now.” And then he left without another word. Nami watched though as Law occasionally would smile at Luffy and Zoro would start to get up but a touch from Luffy had him settling back down.
Weird.
*
“Right, that is enough,” Nami yelled. She was sorting through so many letters, all asking the same thing. They were covering the table on the balcony that was always reserved for the Straw Hats, even though they weren’t all together anymore. “I am sick of this.”
“May I help Nami?” Sanji was coming up the steps with a tray. “Perhaps a drink that has three cherries, and an obscene among of orange liquor in it?”
Nami smiled at him. “Thanks, Sanji.” The drink was heaven - sweet, and packed a fucking punch. “This was exactly what I needed.”
“I got a call, Robin and Franky are on their way,” Sanji held the tray under his arm. “Usopp can’t make it Kaya is just too pregnant, but is willing to transponder snail in. Jinbe called, he is just too far away and likely going dark for a bit on a job or two.”
Nami nodded and drank a bit more. “How did I end up his secretary?” She flopped on the table. “So many marriage proposals.”
“They are still pouring in? I thought you rejected them all.” Sanji sat and was clearly reading them. “Vivi still in there?”
“No, she never was,” Nami smiled a bit. “Or she was, but it wasn’t for Luffy.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I turned her down. I’m a navigator, Sanji. The Pirate King’s navigator. It would kill me to be landlocked.”
“But sometimes you could navigate her way, just for a bit.” Sanji’s hand was rubbing her back. “You don’t have to be together every day to be together. Look at me and -“
“Sanji! Food!”
“We’re having a moment here, Luffy. Nami is stressed, because of your dumbass!”
“But food,” Luffy whined. “I’m the Pirate King! And you must obey me!”
“You might be the King, but I’m the Captain of the Baratie, and you will sit down, listen to Nami and if she says you were good, you will get a cookie.”
Nami rolled her eyes as Luffy sat quickly. “Now then I need you to care about this, Luffy, if only so that the Baratie isn’t swarmed with mail. For you.”
“Why are they sending mail here?” Luffy frowned. “All that’s for me? Why?”
“They send it here because this is where we live when we aren’t at sea? Everyone knows we spend two weeks every couple months here. Because you get weird if you don’t get Sanji’s food after a certain point.”
“Well, Sanji should have just kept sailing with us.”
“We’ve talked about this - everyone has to follow their dreams, and his is his family restaurant in the All Blue. You just got lucky that he was willing to let Franky do a Straw Hat add on, and that Zeff conveniently goes shopping whenever you show up.” Nami pushed the letters to Luffy. “Now, I am not saying you have to marry any of these women, but you have got to formally turn them down.”
“What marry? I can’t marry any woman. Nami, you know I can’t.”
“I will not lose my patience,” Nami said. “I am going to go get another drink. And you are going to read all those proposals. Rebecca is in there, Boa Hancock, a bunch of people. People you like. Maybe one will make you think about romance.”
“I don’t need to think about romance!” Luffy stood. “No cookie is worth you being weird.”
Nami could feel smoke pouring out her ears. “You will sit there and you will read each and everyone of them. Or I will kill you and crown myself queen.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Luffy ducked the hat low over his eyes, and pulled the pile of paper to him. “Nami? I don’t get it?”
“A word?” Nami knew he could read but it wasn’t the best.
“No, why they all want to marry me? It makes no sense.”
“On that we agree.” Nami went downstairs and to the dedicated Sunny dock. Zoro was on the deck working out. “I finally got him to read the proposal letters. Everyone who can make it will be here soon, and we’ll finally get it sorted.”
“There’s nothing to sort. I told you that.” Zoro lifted a weight easily above his head and swung it. She could hear Chopper praising the breeze it made. “None that shit is real. All those women. The few guys, they are all way too smart to actually have fallen for the idiot. It just is weird alliance requests, you just got the wording confused because Vivi proposed to you, and you have marriage on the brain.”
“I turned her down!”
“Yeah but weird coincidence the captain said we were heading to Alabasta next trip, something about wanting to square up against the desert creatures again.”
“We are?”
“Just want he said,” Zoro switched weights. “Where is Luffy?”
“Reading the proposals.”
“Sure about that?”
Nami opened her mouth and heard a huge crash inside. Then Luffy was tearing out of the restaurant all the sous chefs throwing knives at him, Sanji laughing in the back. She hung her head. “Think he read even one?”
“Nope. They wouldn’t interest him in the least.”
Nami went inside to clean up the mess. A few nights later all the straw hats who could make it were there. They sat in their balcony and Sanji served them an epic feast, dish after dish, until they finally convinced him to sit and eat with them. When they were eating these amazing fruit tarts for dessert, Nami cleared her throat. “Right. So I called you all here to help me hammer some semblance of knowledge and reason into Luffy’s thick skull.”
“Franky definitely has a hammer,” Robin offered. “Probably five.”
“You know it!” Franky was smiling at them, and his hair was in a classic pompadour - he didn’t change it much these days. “What do we have to hammer in there?”
“That he needs to tell every woman and the three men who have fallen in love with him over the years something. Anything so that they stop sending all these letters and proposals.”
“Nobody out there is in love with me Nami,” Luffy rolled his eyes. “They are just my friends.”
“This letter literally says my beloved a single yes from you and I will be your eternal bride.”
“That’s just the way Hancock talks, she’s all flowery and girly and stuff.”
“Rebecca hopes next time you visit that maybe you’ll make it your third base after the Sunny and the Baratie.” Nami picked up another. “Yamato, he says he hopes to spar with you for the rest of his life. That’s a proposal!”
“Nah, that’s just sparring.”
“They are all in love with you, Luffy, and if you return any of the affection, fine, great, I’ll plan your wedding and not even charge a thing. But if not then you need to officially put out word to everyone, and let them all down easy. You are hurting people!” That got through to Luffy.
“I’m hurting my friends?” Luffy looked around the table, and Nami knew everyone was giving him a look like she was. “I don’t want to hurt my friends. But I honestly don’t understand Nami. Why do they think I can marry them, I can’t.”
Sanji cleared his throat, “It is great that you want to only marry for love, or just don’t want to be married. But you have to look at it from their point of view, the world’s point of view. I know you are well…you, but you paint a pretty romantic and heroic image to the world. And a bunch of people over the years have fallen for that image. For you.”
“Zoro?” Luffy was looking at Zoro seriously. Nami kicked the man under the table, he better get on fucking board, this was the closest they had ever gotten Luffy to understand his impact on people.
And of course, Zoro just snorted and drank some alcohol. He shook his head, “Nah, I still say it is bullshit. Each and every person who wrote a letter there, isn’t in love with Luffy. They just got that hero worship crap going on. They are all just he saved us, and I have these memories of the grand adventure and not the bad parts, and have built him up in their head. It ain’t love, just a weird feeling. Like food poisoning. They spent two normal days with Luffy after the wedding, and they’d run for the hills.”
“You’ve spent thousands of days with me after our wedding and you haven’t run for the hills, or if you did it was because you were lost!” Luffy shouted.
Nami looked at Chopper. “Chopper, I need medical attention. I think I just had a stroke.” She looked at Sanji, Robin. “I think a lot of us are having strokes.”
Zoro didn’t look like he was having a stroke, he just kept going like Luffy hadn’t said anything. “They are too smart to be in love with a pain in the ass like Luffy.” He nodded and put his bottle of sake down hard. “Too damn smart.”
“You married me the day you met me!” Luffy was scowling now.
“Yeah, I said they were too smart, didn’t say I was anything but a fucking idiot.” Zoro grinned all teeth that on Luffy was adorable, and made Zoro look like he was going to eat you. “Made that way the day you saved me. They wanted you, guess they should have gotten saved first.”
“Saved Coby first,” Luffy had his arms crossed. “Maybe I shoulda married him.”
“Marry into the navy, yeah right.” Zoro smiled. “Besides he wasn’t strong enough.” Zoro was now leaning over into Luffy’s space, “What was it you said?”
Luffy pushed Zoro away and was actually blushing and stole Franky’s dessert began shoveling it in his mouth. “I dunno.”
“Yeah, you do, because I remember it exactly. I was tied there and refused to join your crew. You saved my life and when I was free and did my first attack I warned you what would happen if you got in the way of my dream, and you replied, well if you don’t want to be my crew you could be my husband, then you’d still sail with me, and we’d have adventures and count stars and don’t worry when I am pirate king we won’t call you my queen.”
Luffy actually stopped eating and looked up. “You replied, why the fuck would I marry a weird rubber guy ten minutes after I met him. That is so much more than being crew. And we looked at each other, Morgan trying to kill us, and smiled. You said you could be called queen, prince, husband, it didn’t matter shit so long as you were also the world’s best swordsman.”
Nami watched as Zoro stopped drinking and pressed his forehead to Luffy’s, “you said, how about I call you mine.”
“You said that sounded not too bad.”
They were just staring into each other’s eyes, and the love was palpable, a physical thing that was almost painful to gaze on and Nami looked away, stared at all those letters. “You can’t get married because you’ve been married for six years.”
“Yeah, you knew that,” Luffy wasn’t moving away from the press of Zoro against him. “Will you explain the joke now? We’ve been trying to figure it out and haven’t been able. One of the ones too smart for us, I guess.”
“Wait, you and Mosshead got married the day you met?” Sanji’s voice climbed to a screech that made the seagulls on the roof fly away. “You’ve been married this whole time?”
“Yeah?” Zoro and Luffy separated and were staring at everyone confusedly. “You knew that shit cook, that is why you were always teasing me about finding a hot girl or guy on an island, because I married young and couldn’t touch them.”
“I was trying to get you laid,” Sanji had a vein throbbing in his forehead, and Nami felt her heart beat in time with it. “Chopper, I think Nami was right, we’re all having strokes here.”
“It’s okay I am having a strong hallucination that Luffy and Zoro are married. So wait to have those strokes until I recover from that. Cotton candy might help me.”
Nami watched Sanji stumble down the stairs to go get Chopper the treat and looked to Robin who was the wisest of them all. “You knew?” She had to have known. But she was staring at Luffy like he was a ponyglpyh to study. “You didn’t know.”
“I didn’t,” Robin said slowly, studying both Luffy and Zoro now. “I knew they had a bond none of the rest of us had, but I assumed that was because Zoro was the first nakama.”
Luffy giggled, “Yeah he was first. Imagine you were first Robin and we had gotten married!” More giggles. “We’d be funny married.”
That got a little growl from Zoro. “Oi, you were just going to marry whoever was your first crewmate?”
“No, I was always going to be Zoro’s, even if it had taken me twenty years to find you.”
“Bro that’s super romantic,” Franky started to cry.
“Zoro just gets jealous a bit. You should see him every time we run into Traffy!” That got another grumble from Zoro.
“That’s what Traffy was teasing about on Wano,” Nami shouted as a conversation snapped in place in her mind.
“Bastard said he would die alongside Luffy, that’s my job,” Zoro crossed his arms, and holy fuck he was pouting. “Stupid bastard, being all handsome and teasing me about Luffy upgrading his swordsman to one who clearly had a better sword.”
“I told you Zoro, I would never upgrade from your sword, Traffy just likes to wind you up.”
“Oh, sword means penis in this instance.” Robin smiled, “Traffy packing?”
“Yeah, it’s huge! Saw it in the shower once, asked how it even fits in Kidd!” Luffy leaned forward eager to share and Nami didn’t want to know, but also a glance at Zoro who was turning red had her kind of wanting to know. “Zoro’s dick is really good, I think, I mean only dick that’s ever been in me, but based on what I’ve seen in showers and catching everyone at some point jerking off, Zoro definitely the biggest on our crew, but Traffy,” Luffy just shook his head. “Biggest I’ve seen.”
Nami caught Zoro’s eye and he gave a small nod of confirmation, before reaching for another bottle of booze. “Well, uh good to know I guess?”
“But Traffy found out Zoro gets a bit jealous when people like me, and teases Zoro a lot.”
“All those letters are people liking you!”
Zoro shrugged, “Like I said they are too smart to really be in love with him, but Traffy is as much of a fucking idiot as I am, so bit more of a threat. Luffy likes ‘em focused, stoic, terrifying, and carrying swords. Luffy has a type.”
“Who even married you?” Robin had to ask.
“The temporary captain that replaced Morgan, sailed out on a small boat next to ours, shouted vows as we traded mostly pretend blows so they could say they chased us off when they had to make a report.”
“Is that even legally binding?” Sanji asked as he returned with cotton candy for Chopper and vast quantities of alcohol for the rest of them. “I called my wife who laughed and said of course you two were married, thought I was teasing about not knowing, not when the passion and devotion that the two of you carry is obvious for all to see. Then she laughed at me more and hung up. So thanks for that assholes, now she thinks I am a moron.”
Zoro opened his mouth but a look from Luffy had him quieting, playing nice. Instead he just shrugged, “Legally binding enough for us.” That got an enthusiastic nod from Luffy.
“How painful were the two years apart? We were all hurting, but if you were married, how was it Zoro when you got the news of two years?” Robin had her head tilted, still studying them. “The pain must have been horrific.”
Zoro was quiet and then just another of his stupid shrugs. “Captain ordered us to train, get stronger for the new world. I obey my captain, my king.”
“Everywhere?” Robin had a brow raised and Nami didn’t understand.
Luffy giggled, “no, that’s the rule, he’s in charge in bed, and I’m in charge of everything else.”
“I might vomit,” Sanji muttered. Nami kinda had to agree.
“You were really married this whole time?” Nami looked at them. “Why didn’t you tell any of us?”
“I thought we were kinda obvious with the stupid in love thing?” Zoro looked confused. “Everyone we meet always tells me how cute it is.”
“What?” Nami was relieved she wasn’t the only one to screech that.
“Yeah, me too. Rayleigh knew right away, and Mihawk when he cut you open asked if I was fine that your love for me, might come second to your thirst to be the best, which I was like I wouldn’t love Zoro the way I do if it was any different. He said we were perfect for each other.”
“He told me when I was training with him, to carry you in my hands, my heart, my haki, that it would make me stronger,” Zoro almost whispered.
Nami would never admit that she found that romantic.
“Traffy took one look at us together and knew in an instant,” Zoro added. “Clearly Coby knows.”
“If Coby knows, Garp would know!” Nami thought about all the money that Garp put into the Luffy love pool. “And why don’t you just ever tell people? Hey we’re married?”
That got her blank looks from both of them.
Then Chopper let out a huge squeak. “Wait, you could now have a real wedding! A proper one with a wedding cake!”
“No, we’re married, it is proper.” Zoro sounded sure.
“Cake? Like a huge multi tier cake?” Luffy’s eyes got huge.
“Luffy you’d have to wear a suit, and shower.” Zoro tried to point out but Nami could see the cake thought growing in Luffy’s mind. Nami stared at all the letters, oh this could work, she could make this work.
“A big, splashy wedding, here at home,” Nami said slowly, “private, but leaked to the press.”
“We don’t need -“ Zoro tried.
Luckily, Sanji seemed to catch on. “Huge wedding feast, Luffy,” he added, “I have recipes I’ve never used for you, because they are meant for particular celebrations. It would be the best I’ve made you yet.”
“I fucking hate you,” Zoro muttered. Because he knew he was fucked.
Luffy’s eyes were huge. “I marry Zoro again, and you make me the best ever food?”
“Best ever,” Sanji swore and he threw a wink at Nami.
Nami nodded. “That’s right Luffy. Think, wouldn’t it be nice, to tell everyone you love Zoro forever with a huge feast after? What did you have after the first time you got married?”
“Nothing,” Luffy nodded solemnly. “We kinda forgot rations, eventually caught some fish.”
“Huge feast, one even you couldn’t finish, Luffy,” Sanji swore.
“I admit, that it would be nice to see our king get all dressed up and marry Zoro,” Robin leaned against Franky. Who was still crying.
“It would,” Franky sniffled.
Zoro was clearly trying to think of anything that would get him out of this.
“It would be really nice to see you get married,” Chopper was giving Zoro that look that always melted the man.
“Fine,” Zoro huffed. “We’ll get married again.”
“Leave everything to me,” Nami said. “I’m going to make it perfect.”
*
Word spread quickly of the ‘secret’ wedding between the Pirate King and the World’s Best Swordsman. Gifts arrived from around the world and on the ‘secret’ date of the ceremony a lot of ships docked at the Baratie. A lot. Like more than even she expected.
“Sorry, Sanji,” she dipped her head into the kitchen and saw Sanji working at a speed heretofore unseen. “Fuck,” she whispered as his hands were a blur.
“Get out,” he growled. He didn’t even apologize for snapping at her, like he would normally fall over doing. But this was the feast for his captain, and she could understand.
Nami had a checklist and was going through it. Usopp, Franky, and Robin were decorating, Kaya pointing out when things weren’t straight as she cuddled their daughter. Nami had to stop and tickle the tiny foot, before moving to the next destination. Brook was outside entertaining all the people waiting to get into the Baratie for the event. Not everyone would fit. But they’d throw open all the windows and doors.
Garp muscled his way to the front, “Girlie, why aren’t I allowed in there yet?”
“Family only,” she smiled at him, a cold vicious thing. She glanced over his shoulder. “Coby, you can go on in, help Sabo convince Luffy to wear the tie.”
Coby very carefully didn’t look at Garp as he hurried inside.
“Now, you listen to me -“ Garp began.
“No,” Nami poked a finger in his chest. “You listen to me. You are lucky I’m not kicking you off this dock, right now. The fact that you brought Makino on a regular ship not a navy one, is the only reason I’m not. And you best believe I could do it Garp. Now -“
A head popped out a window. “Grandpa! I’m getting married again!”
“I heard. Why do you think I’m here?” Garp was looking up at him. “You had princesses willing to marry you, why’d you pick that guy?”
“Because he’s Zoro! Why would I change my mind?”
“I still don’t believe you married him before,” Garp shouted. “Let me in and I’ll get you to change your mind, find you a nice Marine!”
“Nami!” Luffy shouted and disappeared again.
“On it, Captain,” she said. Nami opened her climatact and lightly jolted Garp with some lightning. It felt really good. “Enjoy the wedding, Garp!” He just laughed, and it killed her that that laugh was what Luffy would sound like in a few decades.
She went to the Sunny and swore. “Zoro, why are you training? You get married in less than an hour.”
“I’m already married.” He was lifting his damn weights. “And I want to be ready, half the people here would kill us as soon as cheer for us.”
“Only a third at most.” She looked at Vivi. “You were supposed to keep him under control.”
“He was getting nervous, this is keeping him calm,” she was sitting there, in a purple dress, looking so beautiful. “Sit with me. For just a moment, Nami.”
“I still have to get ready, and there is -“ But a hand reached out and Nami went, sat with her. They watched Zoro work out. “It is adorable that he is nervous.”
“I know,” Vivi leaned her head on Nami’s shoulder. “It is so obvious when you think about it. We all assumed it was the devotion of a first mate, but it was always different. Ace knew. He said that he was happy Luffy had found Zoro so early in his life, that he could tell they would last forever. He knew his brother was in love.”
That was good. “How did we miss it?” That was killing Nami. But she must have said it just loud enough because Zoro stopped working out.
“Not like we were kissing or declaring our love in front of everyone,” Zoro said. “Well we did declare our love, but not in I love yous, but in I got this captain, I trust Zoro, that sort of stuff.”
“The ships weren’t big, we would have heard you doing…things.”
“Not once we got the crow’s nest,” Zoro said, “and we were happy before that stealing the moments we could. We were horny, sure, but we were also focused on the adventure. Our goals.” He just shrugged, “We weren’t hiding it, Nami. But when do Luffy and I ever talk about this shit? We just…are.”
“Yeah,” she nodded. “Go shower and put on your suit, Zoro.”
“Why do I need to shower?”
“Because you don’t want me outclassing you, Luffy might change his mind.” Traffy walked the plank onto the deck, and shit, he looked good. Nami glanced at Zoro who was scowling. Oh god, he really was jealous of Traffy. Vivi giggled. “I have this, Nami, you go get ready yourself.”
Nami took Vivi’s hand and they went to where Nami was set up in the Baratie quarters, and she wore a dress that just happened to compliment Vivi’s. “Can I change my mind about your proposal?”
“Yes,” Vivi kissed her shoulder. “I never expected you to move to my kingdom. We’ll figure it out.” Another kiss and Vivi was zipping her into the dress. “We have time.”
Nami nodded, heart eased. “Let’s get these idiots married.”
Nami stood next to Luffy and wondered how they had never noticed how Luffy and Zoro stared at each other, how they mistook it for sailor devotion. They shone with love as Marco married them. Nami wiped away tears as Zoro kissed Luffy so delicately.
“Get we’re married, again. Now we can have that feast right?” Luffy was looking around. “Sanji where’s the food?”
“Fuck, Luffy, enjoy your wedding vows for like five seconds will you?” Sanji was shaking his head, but also already heading to the kitchen.
“I’ve enjoyed my vows for years,” Luffy shouted, “this was all about the food!”
“There better be good booze too!” Zoro added his voice.
“Idiots,” Nami muttered as the gathered crowd laughed.
“Really it makes sense, that they got married day one. Who else on this earth could have survived either of them?” Robin asked. Everyone who overheard that nodded in agreement.
They heard the pop of one champagne bottle after another, and Sanji’s crew began to wheel out cart after cart of food and the party began.
Nami watched Luffy and Zoro regularly as the party went until dawn. They might have said they were only doing this for the food, or in Zoro’s case because Luffy wanted the food, and he would always give Luffy everything, anything.
But she noticed that the whole night, through the food and dancing and brawl or two that occurred - that they never let go of each other.
Not once.