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But I still hold out hope that maybe someday
I'll be worth more than all the silence left in my way
And when you break the surface oh without me
Please don't return me to the dark of all the memories, yeah
- The Crane Wives, Canary in a Coal Mine
•••
Steve and Eddie have a thing going on, not a defined thing, but a thing nonetheless, and Robin has a front row seat to all of it.
They love eachother, it's plain as day, and they both know it too.
Robin brought it up one night when her and Steve were cuddled together watching a movie, "You're both completely gone on eachother, I don't get why you guys haven't made it official yet."
Steve just laughed against her tummy and tried to explain. He told her how he knows Eddie loves him, and how Eddie knows he's loved in return, but after Vecna, after speed running the process of getting to know eachother as who they were, and not as the characters they played in high school, of having to confront how devastated they would be to lose eachother, all in just a week, they wanted slow. Even if it's been about six months since Vecna, and they've been dancing around eachother for half of that, they're having fun, so much damn fun. That them knowing where they'll end up, makes the journey that much more enjoyable.
Robin can't say she really understands, she thinks if she were in their position, of being certain that the girl she likes, likes her back, she wouldn't spend a single extra moment not being her girlfriend.
At the end of the day though, she can see how happy they both are, the absolute delight in their eyes when they get eachother to blush, or the softness on their faces when they're just in eachothers orbit.
She's happy, she really is, she loves both of those idiots to pieces, so of course she's happy that they're happy, and that they make eachother happy.
But she's also scared.
She has no reason to be. She still spends the same amount of time with Steve as before, still has sleepovers with him, and he's still willing to drop everything if she needs him. Soulmates, Platonic with a capital P. The only real difference is that now there's also Eddie. Eddie, who's become another part of her heart that she didn't even know she was missing. She spends as much time with him, as she does with Steve, as they do all three of them together. So no, she has no reason to be scared.
But then again, doesn't she?
It's just that she knows how this goes, alright? She's been through it time and time again. She's convenient when someone is lonely, but when they find someone better, and they always find someone better, she's really easy to set aside. Why would this be any different?
Her strongest (and most painful) memory of this happening is Barbara Holland. They were best friends, they had plans together, they were near inseparable! At the time, Robin was certain that the day they graduate high school, they were going to get in a car and get the hell out of Hawkins. Together.
But then Barb met Nancy.
Robin deluded herself for all of half a day that all this meant was her gaining another friend, someone else to share the dream of freedom with. Well, that fantasy ended pretty quickly, when that same afternoon Barb said she couldn't hang out because she was going over to Nancy's to study for a test that all three of them were writing.
And slowly but surely, she started seeing Barb less and less, until eventually, all Robin got was a nod while passing in the hallways.
So yeah, she knows how this goes, and she knows that with Steve and Eddie, it's going to hurt so much fucking more. All she can really do is try and protect her heart as much as possible. But, boy, do they make that hard to do.
•••
She tries to pull away a bit, tries to start getting used to not seeing them as much, but it seems neither of them got the memo that they have eachother now, so they really don't need her around. Whenever she tries to turn down an invitation, say she's busy, or she has plans, they'll either call her out for lying, or on the rare occasion that she does have plans, reschedule.
How is she supposed to get used to not being able to spend time with them, when they won't let her not spend time with them!
The other part of her plan goes marginally better.
See, her and Steve have always been very physically affectionate, personal space? Don't know her. And with Eddie being a very affectionate guy himself, it's inevitable that he falls into the same habits, and not just with Steve. It's just as likely for him to sit on her lap as it is for him to sit on Steve's.
So, her plan is pretty simple - get used to not having the physical comfort that comes with Eddie and Steve. And to do that, she simply needs to put some literal space between them.
She tries to be subtle about it, happens to step away when Eddie goes to put an arm around her shoulders, sits on the armchair instead of on the couch with them when watching movies, keeps a healthy distance between her and Steve whilst working instead of leaning on him like she usually does.
And she's just imagining the sad look in their eyes whenever she puts distance between them, it's just wishful thinking on her part.
The thing is though, this has been going on for weeks. Surely by now they should be long gone, she doesn't understand why they're still here.
And yet they are. They still invite her to hang out and go places, still call her out on her lies of having plans, still rescheduling.
They still keep trying to maintain that same physical connection that is so comforting to all three of them. They go about it in a way that makes her feel like she's imagining it sometimes.
Because they don't try and initiate touch, they respect the new boundaries she's put up, even without talking about it, but they always leave space for her though, a very obvious gap that's just waiting to be filled.
A space on the couch, sometimes between them, only moving towards eachother when she chooses the armchair, or in the angling of their bodies, an obvious invitation for another person to slot in.
Sometimes, when Eddie's walking next to her, his hands will be in the pockets of his jacket, his elbow angled out slightly towards her, as if waiting for an arm to slot through.
Or Steve leaving his hand on the counter when they're leaning on it at work, always giving her the option to fidget with his fingers if she starts getting bored, like she used to.
The longer this is going on, the harder it's getting, because they just won't leave, and every single day she has to snuff out that little spark of hope that maybe this time it will be different.
•••
In a turn of events that Robin never saw coming, it's one of Eddie's campaigns that ignite the spark of hope in her chest.
It's just a oneshot held at Steve's house, a small break for Hellfire before they start on the next big campaign, and as usual Robin and Steve are sitting together on the couch to watch. There's a noticeable space between them, but again Steve's body is angled in obvious invitation for her to insert herself into his space if she wishes to.
She stays on her side of the couch.
Eddie begins the campaign, immediately drawing in everyone's attention. The party is hired by two travellers, their companion has gone missing, and they're lost without her. As the campaign goes on, the party fighting monsters and looking for clues, the two travellers seem to be getting weaker. The party find out that the three companions are linked you see, their souls are connected, and with one of them being so far away, the other two are fading.
Robin thinks it must be a coincidence, and she's reading way to much into a silly oneshot. But a thought niggles in the back of her mind, that if there's one thing that Eddie takes seriously, it's Dungeon's and Dragon's, and he'll put just as much thought into a oneshot, as he will into a months long campaign.
The spark is officially ignited when the one traveller gives more information on what had been happening before their companions disappearance.
"We think she believed something was going to happen... She started drawing away, letting less and less come through our bond. You see, a bond like ours being broken causes unimaginable pain, and if she thought something was going to break the bond, well... We can't fault her for trying to protect herself by letting it dissolve through distance. We think she believed that even with her gone, that if we have eachother, we would remain strong, but she was wrong. Without her we're crumbling. While we would survive, should she choose to remain elusive, we would not be able to find ourselves whole again, it will be like a wound that refuses to heal."
•••
Robin can't recall what happens after that, stuck in her own mind, trying to figure out if maybe, maybe she's been wrong, and wondering how these two people have her so completely figured out.
She comes back to the present when Eddie nudges her foot with his, "You wanna stay and watch a movie, Birdie? Or do you want me to drive you home?"
She looks around and all the kids are gone, and so is Steve. She looks at Eddie, who's chewing on his thumb nail and looking at the floor. She decides that maybe it'll be worth it to burn, and let's the flame grow.
"I'll stay."
Eddie just takes a breath, smiles softly and nods, going to the kitchen to wash up the dishes and make some snacks for the movie. Robin stays where she is, tucked into the corner of the couch.
Steve gets back as Eddie is putting the popcorn on the table, movie ready to go, and he pauses when he sees Robin still there, he looks like if he blinks she'll disappear.
"Took you long enough, princess." Eddie laughs.
This seems to bring Steve back to the present, shaking his head, he sighs, "Not my fault the kids can't stop talking about your campaigns."
Eddie just laughs and settles himself on the opposite end of the couch to Robin. He's leaning his back on the arm rest, one leg up on the couch, one foot on the floor, and Steve comes around and slots himself in the space left open for him, back against Eddies chest.
Steve's legs are in a similar position to Eddie's, another open invitation for her to come closer.
She can't help it, she's done fighting, she misses them both so much, and if it ends badly for her, well, it'll be worth it.
Robins crawls across the couch and lays herself on Steve's chest, his arms immediately come up around her waist, and she hears him take in a shuddering breath as he holds her tightly.
She can't help the tears that start falling, can't help the sniffles as she tries to stop, and the tears just come harder when Eddie's hands join Steve's, one stroking her hair and the other drawing patterns on her back.
They don't start the movie, they just lay there holding eachother, and as her tears slow down, she hears the telltale sniffles coming from her best friends.
•••
"Hey Eddie?"
"Yeah Birdie?"
"Did the two travellers find their companion?"
"Yeah, yeah they did."