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There it was.
Dumpty’s Diner.
Min-Gi wanted to sob, Min-Gi wanted to scream, Min-Gi wanted to take a freaking nap. They were home. Home enough… Why the train had decided to dump them in front of Min’s dead-end food service job was a mystery. Maybe it was meant to remind them of their past as they went into their future– wasn’t finding a balance between the two within each other the whole point of them taking a ride on the freaky hell train? Or maybe it was some sort of joke. Do freaky hell trains have a sense of humor?
Ryan pulled Min in for a hug. It felt nice. They were home and Min was hugging his best friend and did he mention they were home? There was a slight breeze, which admittedly smelled of bacon and eggs, but it was still nice.
I swear to God– if I’m dreaming and I wake up in that stupid freaking castle–
“Hey! Aren’t you two uh– Brian and Min-Gi?”
Min’s thoughts were interrupted by an unfortunately familiar voice. Ryan immediately let go of Min, leaving them awkwardly standing next to each other in the middle of the Dumpty’s parking lot.
The cop was a regular at Dumpty’s, and he never cleared his freaking plate. Min couldn’t exactly place his name. Jerry? Terry?
“Who’s asking?” Ryan glared. He had a talent for picking fights with people Min’s anxiety did not want him to pick fights with.
Oh my God, Ryan, do not get us arrested.
Ryan had apparently decided that the night they finally got off an endless wormhole train was the perfect night to exercise his talent. And before Min knew it, he and Ryan were both in the back of Min’s regular’s cop car.
Jerry-Terry made sure to let them know that they were not technically being arrested, most likely because Min may or may not have been hyperventilating the entire way to the police station. They were just considered missing persons at the moment and were going to be taken in for questioning. Great. Min hadn’t even thought about that. They’d been gone for at least a couple weeks, of course the police would be involved.
Now there was just the matter of letting Jerry-Terry know where the heck they had been. However, Min got no chance to discuss with Ryan how they'd explain their disappearance without sounding as if they’d mutually lost it, as before he knew it he was sitting in a little back room at the police station. Without Ryan.
The room was so small and so bright. It wasn’t dirty or musty, there was no single lightbulb swinging from the ceiling, and Min wasn’t chained to the plastic fold-out chair he was sitting in. The place reminded him more of his therapist’s waiting room than somewhere to be integrated by the police. There was a water cooler in the corner and a “Hang In There!” cat poster taped to one of the white popcorn walls. People still actually put those up?
Jerry-Terry sauntered in with the sort of confidence only a grade-A asshole could pull off. He was a tall, skinny white man with a goatee. His red hair was thinning, but he didn’t look too old. Maybe fourty?
“So… just got done talking with your buddy, but I have a feeling I’m gonna want to hear your side of the story. He certainly talks a lot, but… he was saying a lot of nothing.”
Jerry-Terry laughed, a short barking sound. Min-Gi tried to laugh along, but it came out sounding more like a nervous giggle. It felt like the ground wasn’t solid beneath him. He was not going to break down though. Just think, Min. Why would two guys who’d just graduated secondary school– two guys who had their entire lives ahead of them– mysteriously disappear? Mysteriously disappear together.
The way Jerry-Terry said buddy like it was something gross he needed to spit out...
Oh my God.
“Your buddy told me it was a failed trip to… New York? Your van broke down. You both got lost in the woods… for three months. You don’t look like you’ve been lost in the woods for three months. You’re in dire need of a shower, that’s for sure, but three months in the woods?”
It had been three months?
Oh my God.
“It was ‘ some real back to nature survival stuff.’ His words, not mine. He said he fought a bear. As I mentioned earlier, he said a lot of things.”
Ryan had always been such a bad liar.
Oh my God.
“What would incline two fine young men like yourselves to drop everything and road trip to New York… Well, that’s beyond me. Your friend, he told me something about a rock show. But you’re such a fine young man Min-Gi–“
“Gi. Hard G. ”
“Same thing. You’re such a fine young man… had plans to go off to University in the fall too… it just doesn’t make sense. It leads one to believe that well– there was something more than a concert at play here, Min.”
Oh my god.
The cop had practically laid the story out for him. All Min had to do was take the bait. Ryan with his long hair and pierced ear and ripped jeans was the perfect villain in Jerry-Terry’s story. It would be easy for a man like him to jump right to the conclusion that their disappearance was somehow Ryan’s fault.
Just like Min had on the train…
This time, Min was going to make it clear it wasn’t Ryan alone who was to blame for their impromptu train-cation. Even though all this would be is a story to avoid telling the truth and looking insane, Min wanted to settle the score.
“Dude, that was genius!”
Min-Gi had successfully gotten him and Ryan the heck out of the police station without further questioning… or a trip to a mental hospital. Hooray! Some nasty looks were exchanged, which could have been a result of a number of things. The fact that they were two Asian guys, the fact that Ryan could not handle talking to authority, or oh yeah– the fact that Min had told the cops that he and Ryan were runaway gay lovers.
“I feel dirty…” Min said, sitting on a bench a couple blocks from the police station. It was late, Min didn’t have a watch but he guessed it was well after midnight. The moon hung lazily above them, reflecting off of Ryan’s ridiculously large red aviators. The moon. How long had it been since Min-Gi had seen the moon?
“What– why? Trust me, cops don’t want to deal with queers. There was the risk they’d arrest us for like… looking at them funny. But on the other hand, gay people make them uncomfortable. No one likes being uncomfortable. You took a gamble, and we were in and out. Job well done I’d say.”
Min-Gi decided not to dwell on the implications of “trust me.” It didn’t sound like Ryan was talking about some vague concept, it was almost like he had experience with the subject. There was no way…
“That guy thinks I’m some sort of an AIDS warrior now! Protests in New York– I still have trouble telling my mom I don’t like how she still insists on doing my laundry.” It was true, Min-Gi did not have the heart to tell his angel of a mother to stop babying him. God, she was probably a hot mess right now… three months.
“Man, fuck him. I hate cops.” Ryan clapped Min on the back, which was weirdly out of character for him. It felt too bro-ie. Min had always felt out of place in his friendships with other guys, his relationship with Ryan just felt different. Ryan’s hand fell awkwardly back to his side.
There was a sort of tension in the nighttime air now. Min didn’t like it. The topic of gay lovers made him nervous. Not that Min had a problem with gay people… unless you counted the problem he had with himself and his two-year-long crush on his best friend.
“Well, you’re not a total fraud…” Ryan started after a beat of silence. “I am sort of an ‘AIDS warrior’ myself… I guess.” He was looking at his shoes now.
Min let out another awful giggle, which caused Ryan to curl in on himself. Shit.
“Wait– are you being serious?” Min blurted.
“Honestly… as I figured out how the train worked… I was starting to get worried we were there so… that I’d have to…”
Oh.
Min-Gi wouldn’t put outing people past the evil pocket dimension train. At least– that’s what Ryan was probably referring to. He couldn’t be talking about the train wanting him to out something else. Like feelings for a certain best friend forever of his. Min swore that one breakup song on My Oeuvre could have been about him…
God, he was so freaking obsessed. Ryan's coming out and all he could think about is that maybe he had a chance.
“I've been to New York. I had no gigs there though. I met some people… and figured out some stuff. It’s not– it’s not as magical as I thought it was when we were kids. I thought maybe you still held on to some of that magic, though…” Ryan was still acting like there was something very interesting on the ground.
“Oh…” was all Min could think to say. After all they’d been through he didn’t have the heart to be mad at Ryan for lying about the gig in New York.
“I guess you were able to grow out of New York and packed stadiums and adoring fans without needing reality to run you over with your dad’s shitty van. And lack of gas money… food money, clothing money, money money. I'm proud of you for that. You’ve got a good life ahead of you.”
“You’re such a fine young man.”
Min felt horrible. People always acted like he was better than Ryan. Like he was more grown up, like he had more potential to succeed. Just because he stayed quiet, did what was expected of him. That wasn’t true, Ryan was so much braver than Min. Ryan couldn’t think that was true.
“But– I guess I selfishly thought you’d never grow out of me. Of making music with me.” Ryan’s voice was so, so small. The breeze was gone. Maybe the night was holding its breath just like Min was.
Min stupidly attempted to lighten the mood. “Dude– I thought we resolved this. If a mystical green portal opens up right now I swear to God–“
Ryan stayed so, so quiet. Not knowing when to shut his mouth was meant to be Ryan’s thing.
“I’m sorry–“ Min started.
Ryan smiled, just a bit. “You would get so pissed off when I'd do that,” he laughed. Min could recall countless arguments that stemmed from Ryan not taking a serious conversation seriously.
“I guess you’ve rubbed off on me. We did apparently spend three months together… God, it only felt like a couple weeks…”
Ryan still wasn’t talking. Which was so un-Ryan-like.
“I think… I think it’s pretty cool you’re an ‘AIDS warrior,’ Ryan.” Min was getting a bit worked up, talking with his hands. “Standing up for what you believe in– that’s pretty cool. Man, I’m gonna go into business to end up like– scamming the elderly into buying timeshares or some shit. You’re making change.”
“Not enough change. It’s never enough.”
Ryan looked off into the distance, and Min knew there would be things he’d never understand about Ryan's time in New York. He knew there was pain that came with not waiting on the sidelines. With going out and living and fighting.
Shit– Ryan was gay. That was amazing news! Min did have a chance. And he was totally obsessed but who cares? He just had to make a move, do something big. And maybe Ryan would be totally offended that Min-Gi made his coming out double as an opportunity for a major love confession and maybe he would leave him forever and maybe he would have to go back to moping around Dumpty’s like a heartbroken schoolgirl but– he wasn’t gonna sit around and do nothing anymore. He wasn’t gonna be the guy who still let his mom do his laundry.
“Ryan– I will never grow out of you.”
Okay– now what? Do I kiss him?
“Yeah man, I was just being insecure… I know.”
Shit, maybe I should ask first? Like… ‘Can I kiss you?’ That’s romantic… I think.
“Honesty, we should be thinking about what we’re gonna tell our parents I mean– I don’t think you wanna go with the runaway gay lovers thing… or the bear fighting thing…”
“We should kiss!” Min blurted out, like an idiot.
“What!?”
“We should kiss right now– I mean. Can I kiss you? Right now?” Ryan was no longer looking at the ground. He was staring straight at Min-Gi like he couldn’t decide whether to run or punch Min in the face. Fight or flight.
“Dude, don’t fucking mess with me…”
“I am serious! So serious!” Min wasn’t going to backtrack, he was going to stand his ground, make Ryan understand. Even though it was going so, so horribly.
“What!?” Ryan repeated.
“I’ve kind of been madly in love with you since I was sixteen!?” Min was talking in an octave that could only be heard by dogs, he thought.
“Really!?”
“Yes! On my life!” Ryan looked at Min for a moment, probably trying to figure out if this was the world’s most insensitive prank.
Then finally, “Okay. I believe you. Fuck, yeah I believe you. For me, it’s been since I was fucking– fourteen!? I think we should kiss. I really want to fucking kiss you.”
“Oka–“
Ryan’s stupid red glasses dug into Min’s face. His hands eventually found their way into Min’s hair. What should Min do with his hands? In fact– what should he do with his lips? Oh my God– when was the last time Min had brushed his teeth? That dentist’s office car? Shit, he probably tasted so gross–
“Ah!”
Ryan pulled away immediately. “Shit, did I do something wrong?” he asked.
“You just put your tongue. In my mouth.”
“Yes… that I did. Isn’t that… what you do?”
“I don’t know? Yes!? I’ve just never–“
“Okay, maybe I should have considered the fact that you’re a total virgin who obviously can’t handle my expertise…”
“Shut up!” Min got out in between giddy laughter. He and Ryan had just freaking kissed!
“Make me,” Ryan said, laughing too.
Both Ryan and Min burst out into hysterics.
Ryan had such a nice laugh. He looked so nice under the moonlight. Min-Gi was so in love.
“Okay not a block from the freaking police station, okay?” Min said as they both began to calm down.
“We definitely need to talk... later. But right now let’s focus on the whole ‘how the fuck do we explain our mysterious disappearance to our parents’ thing.” Ryan had a lightness in his voice Min-Gi hadn’t heard in ages.
“I say we tell them exactly what I told the police. I mean– the truth would result in them assuming I’ve been doing acid or some shit so…”
“And running off to go be an ‘AIDS warrior’ with your childhood best friend is better how?” Ryan had a point.
“They’ve always liked you, Ryan. And I'm tired of trying to live my life the way I think is expected of me. I wanna look into the future for once. Red goes into the future.” God, that stupid freaking time dial didn’t seem real anymore. None of it did.
“It’s gonna be a pretty tough future, Min.” Ryan took Min-Gi’s hand. Min could get used to this. Ryan’s fingers were calloused from playing guitar and he was wearing a bajillion gold rings.
“I’m prepared to take that risk. Honestly, as long as they’re under the impression I’m the man in the relationship I think they’ll come around…”
Ryan snickered. “So your mom’s into that uber traditional ‘man of the house’ shit but won’t let you wash your own clothes.”
“She's a very conflicted woman, okay! She can’t decide whether to please her ancestors or to force me to reenter her freaking womb.”
They shared another laugh.
“Your mom’s great,” Ryan finally said.
“Yeah… she is.”
“The man in the relationship? One kiss and we’re dating? I dunno Min… I thought those love confessions were setting up more of a friends-with-benefits kinda thing...” Ryan teased.
“Shut up, dude!”
Min noticed Ryan looking at the ground again.
“I don't know– I don't know if it’ll even be necessary to tell my parents. Unless your parents are still in contact with them… I mean, they knew I was going on the road. Three months no call? That's pretty standard for us.”
Min was well aware of Ryan’s rocky relationship with his parents. Ryan had spent many a night staying over at Min’s after particularly bad arguments with his dad.
“We’ll figure it out,” Min sighed.
“We will.”
Min gripped Ryan’s hand just a little bit tighter. The breeze had started up again.
“Wait… you were joking about the friends-with-benefits thing? Right?”
Ryan laughed. “Min-Gi. I am madly in love with you. We are going to get fucking married and raise like– seven cats together. Of course I was joking. We will also have tons of gay sex though, after I teach you how to kiss.”
Yeah, this really was nice. Red into the future, blue into the past, purple in the present.