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Mind tacky with dreams fading at the edges, Hong Lu stirs from a mid-afternoon nap he wasn't even aware had happened. Lethargy has begun lapping at his heels as soon as he slows down however, so it's no wonder he drifted off when he had split from the others. Various tasks scattered them to different places within Daguanyuan, and Hong Lu filled the time going through personal effects to take back on the bus. Clothes mainly, since he wasn't the type of child to keep hold of or be gifted trinkets and souvenirs even when Daiyu and Xichun tried for months after he shut everything out. They learned fast how futile it was, however, when he did not accept them, and if he did accept them, he failed in giving them the rightful enthusiasm they were due. Just empty thanks and emptier eyes and the item tucked in a far away corner in a far away room.
He needs to make it up to them in a thousand different ways and then a thousand more for good measure. Maybe look into getting gifts for them on his travels while also beginning his own collection.
Idly, as he rises from the tangled piles of bright patterned silks, he thinks it might be nice to start both those endeavors soon, something small and meaningful for all of them. Perhaps he'll ask Yi Sang and Don Quixote for help. Those two have an eye for such things to the point where it's not unusual for them to gift small items that catch their eyes to the other Sinners. Hong Lu has also been a recipient of such thoughtless kindness in the form of hair ties and hair ribbons in case he ever felt the urge to swap out the cyan one he always wears. He hasn't yet. He should start.
An idea to tuck away for later when he sees them again around dinnertime if they aren't too busy or tired from whatever they've gotten up to today. That's a few hours away still, however, and Hong Lu knows he missed the time for an appropriate lunch. The beginnings of hunger gnaw gently at his stomach, not enough to be uncomfortable yet, but he sees no reason to wait if something can satisfy him between now and then.
Hong Lu smooths the sleep rumpled layers of his hanfu and loosens his hair before a headache from sleeping with it tied has a chance to form. He makes his way to the private, personal kitchen that is now seeing proper use with the twelve other Sinners and Saude clamoring in his building at odd hours. It's not far from his room and kept stock with various snacks and foods at the others' behest mainly because Ishmael and Gregor didn't want everyone hassling the staff more than necessary during their extended time here. Given the disarray Daguanyuan is still in, Hong Lu is sure some of the servants appreciate less work to worry about.
It's only a mild surprise to see Heathcliff already in the kitchen seated on the counter near the fridge. A steaming cup sits in the curl of his hands. He acknowledges Hong Lu's presence with a brief glance and whatever greeting stopped short by a wide yawn. The scent of coffee hangs heavy in the air, something that Hong Lu has gotten used to over the months of traveling with the company.
It's comforting seeing someone around.
He makes his way farther into the kitchen and towards the fridge.
"Did you also take a nap?" Hong Lu asks, even though he's sure he knows the answer to that already.
Heathcliff grunts a noise, made slightly muffled by his cup now being near his mouth. He must realize that it's not much of an answer because he then says, albeit still muffled, "Yeah."
"That's good." Hong Lu nods and means his words genuinely.
They all deserve rest after everything, after dealing with him and everything he put them through inadvertently and due to his own choices. It wasn't easy, it never is. Hong Lu wonders if the guilt is a common feeling after it's all said and done either way. He can ask someone later if he's brave enough for it, maybe all of them even, in time. Yi Sang seems like a good person to start with if he really does go through with the task.
Hong Lu opens the fridge and gets a face full of chilled air that helps end his spiraling thoughts. There's much to choose from, but his eyes immediately settle on one of the bowls of fruit. Easy, simple, already made.
"You gonna start getting mad about stuff now?" Heathcliff asks suddenly, followed by another yawn.
Hong Lu lets the confusion show on his face, fridge door still open and hand around a small bowl filled with neatly chopped pears, as he looks at the other over the open door.
"What do you mean by that? Did something happen?"
Heathcliff raises an eyebrow and gives him a look Hong Lu recognizes as the 'I-can't-believe-you-just-asked-that' one.
Violet eyes slide shut and Heathcliff lets out a soft scoff. "Mate, your whole life happened."
Ah, that's what he means. Nothing recent for Hong Lu to worry about then.
Fruit in hand, he closes the fridge door and grabs a fork. After a split moment of deliberation, he takes a seat on the counter next to Heathcliff, something he wouldn't have even dreamed of doing before a few days ago lest he get a lecture. He brushes his hair over the front of his shoulder so it's spilling across his lap instead of on the countertop.
Comfortably situated, Hong Lu pops off the top of the bowl. "Why do you ask?"
He isn't really sure how much he does or doesn't like pears, having not paid much attention to his food preferences in the past. Might as well take the time to find out.
Heathcliff shrugs, something that's felt instead of seen given that they're close enough for it. A couple of seconds and an exhale later, he finally says, "Just curious. You got a lot to be mad about, yeah? Gotta start somewhere."
Objectively true. It's not as though Hong Lu hasn't felt any sort of anger recently either. He's feeling a lot of emotions these days, sometimes individually and oftentimes all at once. Sometimes he'll loop back around and feel nothing at all once he finds that the feelings have run their course for the moment. It's exhausting, if he's being honest.
Maybe he needed that impromptu nap today more than he originally thought.
Hong Lu spears a piece of pear on his fork. "Do you think being mad fits me? The kind of mad you and Sinclair get anyway."
"I've seen your IDs." Heathcliff sounds a touch amused when he adds, "Reindeer's a right fucker even if he does have an excuse, and Dante can't use Fanghunt on the same team as the bloodfiends for a reason."
Hong Lu quirks a small smile around the fork in his mouth and chilled pear on his tongue. There's a subtle sweetness to it that he finds himself enjoying.
He hums some form of agreement at Heathcliff's examples; he supposes IDs do count in a way since they are a potential and reality all at once. But that isn't really what he meant and maybe Heathcliff picks up on that because he keeps going.
"No such thing as being fit at getting mad anyway. You get hurt, you get mad about it, simple as. Can't really mess up how you feel about things, I don't think."
Still, Hong Lu has a hard time imagining himself as he is now being angry in the face flushed and weapon posed to strike sort of way. He'd probably look silly compared to the others, like a child puffed up and playing at something they're obviously not.
"It wouldn't be strange?"
There's a sound of tapping against ceramic and a sigh. "Uh, prolly? But only 'cause it'll be new. If anyone has a problem with it, just tell 'em to fuck off."
Hong Lu allows himself a wider smile and a small exhale of laughter. He's not surprised by Heathcliff's advice, but it's still nice to hear someone being so unabashedly candid and simple with their words.
"Then who do I get mad at?"
He has an answer already, has already felt that anger deep and cavernous and threatening to overflow completely, but he wants to hear Heathcliff's thoughts on the matter since he seems so invested in it.
"Your nan and those old coots for one. They've been using you for..." He trails off, cup clinking on the counter as he sets it down. "How old are you again?"
"Thirty."
"Thirty fucking years." Heathcliff's tongue clicks behind his teeth. "I'm mad just thinking about it."
Hong Lu chews on another piece of fruit and thinks of the observation log he wrote for Dante about the monstrosity his grandmother turned into. The final words to her and the Elders he was sure they couldn't see due to the viewing mirror being shattered, not that it mattered. He needed to get them out somehow.
He put his feelings down and then handed them off, not caring of who saw them next. He hasn't thought about them much since either, has been trying not to, honestly. There are better things to think about now, but he isn't naïve. They've been too entwined in his life for him to ignore that influence forever just because he doesn't have to deal with them anymore.
"Ah, thank you for being mad about it on my behalf. It's..." fine, he almost says but stops himself. He doesn't owe himself that disservice, and Heathcliff will probably have choice words to say if he he's caught so blatantly falling into old, bad habits even if they are slow to break.
It hasn't been fine in a long time, never has been fine, really. Hong Lu can accept that about his situation even if it is uncomfortable.
"It isn't like they're able to do anything to me anymore though. It's over." Hong Lu finally settles on, and hopes it doesn't seem as though he's deflecting. He's just stating a fact.
Heathcliff scoffs harsh enough to sound like a curse. "So? You think just because Hindley and Linton and Josephine are dead I don't get mad at them remembering all the shit they put me through?"
Hong Lu does well not to show his shock, eyes trained on the pale fruit in the bowl. Heathcliff doesn't often mention Wuthering Heights and the people they met there so openly, not that he can be blamed for it. Hong Lu doesn't blame him anyway, understands him on some level, even.
Sometimes he wonders if that's why Heathcliff sleeps so much these days—the relief of not having those people in his life anymore or if it's something else entirely. With how complicated everything surrounding their time dealing with that Golden Bough was, he figures it's he can wait for an answer.
He gives a small hum acknowledgment and busies himself with eating more pear slices as he lets the words roll around in his head like a pearl.
"It lingers," Heathcliff starts again, softer in a way he doesn't often do unless it's important. "And it fucking sucks when it does. Some days you'll feel fine and other days you'll remember something they said or did that leaves you wonderin' if anything's actually changed even with them dead and gone." He heaves a sigh. Their arms barely brush together. "That's why I say get mad if you want to since they took that away from you too. You're long overdue for it."
The vulnerability of it all unmoors Hong Lu in that moment. Makes him feel briefly lightheaded and glad he's sitting down. Heathcliff's right, unsurprisingly, but it's almost funny how he keeps catching Hong Lu off guard with his words. He didn't expect anyone to voice thoughts he's just barely started to entertain. But he supposes, out of anyone, it would be Heathcliff and not just for his usual candor with more uncomfortable topics.
They have enough similarities to match hurts. They are dissimilar enough that Hong Lu sometimes feels ashamed for comparing even for the briefest moments.
"You're much better at it than I am though."
It's a compliment though he doesn't know how well it comes across as such. Heathcliff's capacity for feelings and allowing himself to feel have always been something that Hong Lu has admired and found interesting. A clear antithesis to himself and his upbringing.
"Yeah, well," Heathcliff shrugs. "That's what was easiest for me. Like how it was easiest for you to shut down. Good at what we know best. But I'm calmer these days, trying to be anyway. I don't think anyone'll be mad if you start raising your voice if someone starts saying you should die or somethin'." He gives Hong Lu a light nudge with his elbow. The tone that settles into his voice reflects a grin. "Kinda the same innit? Just learning a new thing about yourself."
"I guess that's one way to put it." Hong Lu says slowly as he turns the idea carefully around. He nods once, deciding that he likes putting it that way. "You're right. I have a lot still to learn about myself."
"You and everyone else on the damn bus. Don't worry about it, mate. You'll be fine."
Hong Lu lets himself smile. He sets his bowl down out of the way and properly turns to face Heathcliff, not surprised to find him already looking.
"You think so?" He swings his feet a little, flinching and stopping that when his socked heel bangs against a cabinet door and causes it to rattle loudly.
Heathcliff nods and grins and blessedly does not laugh at Hong Lu's fumble. "Clockhead'll look out for you if nothing else. They're good at that whether you need to talk or just need to sit. Pretty sure most of the others want to make sure you're okay even if they're piss poor at showing it."
He sounds so sure of his words, that Hong Lu feels as though he has no choice to believe them. To have that sort of buoyed hope about it all.
Apparently satisfied, Heathcliff hops of the counter and stretches. "Finish up your fruit. We'll go bother Dante into letting us in an EXP Lux so you can bash some heads and let off some steam."
Hong Lu grabs his fruit, though he does also state, with some amusement, "I don't think that's the sort of steam I need to let off right now, Heathcliff. I think my nap dealt with it."
"Eh, practice for later then," Heathcliff says, completely unbothered. "I'll even let you swing my bat around a bit."
Hong Lu would be lying to himself if he said the idea of swinging Heathcliff's bat has never crossed his mind. He likes the lack of finesse it requires, just swing and go. It's a good weapon for Heathcliff if it does really help with his emotional outlets—even better since he no longer threatens any of the other Sinners with it.
"Hm, okay! You can use my guandao." Hong Lu decides to add, just to make it a fair trade, and because it sounds like fun to swap even for a few minutes.
Heathcliff grins, looking pleased at the idea. "Great! We gotta figure out where Dante is in this huge place now."
Humming around his fork, Hong Lu thinks. Dante briefly mentioned they were going to look around a bit now that the threat of assassinations has dropped to a neat little zero percent thanks to Xichun. Hong Lu thinks about the best place he can conjure in the Donguanyuan, and immediately the gazebo by the water under the shade of pink petaled trees comes to mind.
The place from his childhood memory rarely visited these days, but he's been stopping by with increased frequency as of late.
Hong Lu swallows and decides that he does like pears a lot actually.
"I have an idea where Dante might be. I'll take you there."