Chapter Text
In this universe, everyone has a soulmate.
Legend has it that when a person was about to be born, they were made out of one powerful soul. Perfect and complete, this entity was powerful in its own way. They were strong, intelligent and talented but their strength was too much for a mere Earth. It could not bear the magnitude of it.
And so when the entity reaches Earth, their soul was split into half, creating two souls functioning in two different bodies and with half the strength that they once were.
But they knew that they could not function as one body, one soul, forever. They needed to be together, in any way, shape or form. They must be reunited. In order to find each other again, they carve a mark on the other’s body. A shape of a flower, a symbol of their togetherness so that one day they will be reunited. And when they do, their life will once again be complete.
In this universe, everyone has a soulmate and to recognize one’s soulmate, you must look for the soul mark carved on their body. Each mark is unique to each pair of soulmates and each soul bond could be different from one another. Some were destined for romance; some were merely platonic; and in special cases, some souls were split into three.
There were many ways to find your soulmate, many figures taking place. Your soulmate can be just about anyone; a stranger, a friend, an enemy, a baker, a teacher, a police officer.
An idol.
“Hey, did you see ŹOOĻ’s performance last night?” The girl whispered to her friend, walking down the bustling streets of Shibuya.
“I did! Someone said they saw Haruka-kun’s mark.” Her friend answered.
“They did? Seriously? Are there any pictures?”
“There isn’t. But they said they only saw a glimpse of it. Something like a flower stalk? With pink and blue.”
“Ugh, that’s really vague though. Anyone can have pink and blue flowers.”
The friend laughed. “What? You think you can have a chance with an idol?”
“I’m just saying… Perhaps my soulmate has been an idol all along.”
The two laughed together before disappearing into the crowd. Someone watched them quietly, tugging his hat down before splitting from the crowd and entering a fancy, high-end building. As usual, he bypassed the security gate and got on the elevator, reaching one of the top floors in Tsukumo Production’s building.
“Is Haruka late again? Another strike and he will need to pay up.” Torao said, swinging in his chair.
“Wasn’t he late previously too? If that’s the case, he will need to pay up today.” Minami chimed in.
“I’m here.” Haruka said, entering the meeting room. “You don’t have to make me pay all the time. Minami, you were a child actor and Torao, you’re the third son of a rich company. Spare me some, would you?”
He huffed out before taking a seat on his usual designated chair. “Sorry I’m late, traffic.”
“It’s fine, Haru.” Touma comforted him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Where’s Utsugi-san?” Just as Haruka said that, the door opened again and their manager entered with a stack of files. They eyed him quietly as he took a seat at the far end of the table.
“Morning, everyone. Glad that you could make it. I’m sure everyone is well aware of what is to be discussed today.” Utsugi said, starting off the meeting as he opened his book and flipped through it.
Haruka melted into his seat, head hung low. “I’m sorry.”
Utsugi looked up, an eyebrow arched. “Why are you sorry, Isumi-san?”
“It’s about me, isn’t it? Someone wrote a forum about my soul mark. I’m sorry. I should have been more careful about it.” Haruka muttered quietly.
The room was quiet. Haruka didn’t even dare to look up, oblivious to the concern looks thrown at him by his members and his manager. It was his fault after all, to be so careless, to be so unprofessional. A soul mark is sacred. For an idol to carelessly have their soul mark exposed like that was basically a work of unprofessionalism.
Utsugi cleared his throat. “Well, anyways, I’m here to talk about your upcoming collaborations and endorsements.”
Haruka’s head shot up. “Eh?”
“The company recently received a few contracts from different brands and would like to see which one would have your interest.”
“Wait a minute-!”
“Of course, the company will still have a final decision in a way but if we deem the brand contract good for you then we will still take into consideration your opinions.”
“Stop!” Haruka exclaimed, standing up. “Are you gonna ignore what I just said?”
“I don’t think the matter proves to be of any serious concern.”
“My soul mark was leaked! People are talking about it!”
“And so? Is there a picture of it anywhere?”
“Well… No…” Haruka mumbled.
“Did you intentionally remove your makeup that concealed your soul mark?”
Haruka scoffed. “Of course not. I’m not stupid.”
“Were you the one that made that forum post?”
“No!”
“Then, I do not see any issues with it.” Utsugi replied.
“But, shouldn’t you be more concerned? Wouldn’t there be more reporters hoarding us about this? Wouldn’t fans be mad? Are there no people suddenly claiming I’m their soulmate?”
“Well, is there anyone who has been claiming to be your soulmate in the last 24 hours?”
“No…”
“Then again, I do not see the issue.”
Haruka sighed. “Is the management not mad at me for this? I know that it was very careless of me.”
“No. The management is less than mad. If anything, they are more worried in case anything happens to you. Right now, they are working to hire better makeup artists to conceal your soul mark during performances and outside of that.” Utsugi explained.
“They are?” Haruka asked, surprised.
“Yes. We acknowledge that this is also a fault on our part. Unlike the other members whose soul marks could easily be concealed by clothing, your soul mark will require more care to it. We can't let our artists’ privacy be leaked over our own incompetence.”
“I guess… I still feel bad, if only I had a less visible soul mark like everyone else, then it wouldn’t have posed such a big issue.” Haruka sighed out.
One of the top requirements to sign a contract with an entertainment company is to reveal where your soul mark is to allow them to protect it on behalf of their artists. Tsukumo Productions were well aware of their soul marks and had taken extra care in protecting those. (Even if Tsukumo Ryo acted like he didn’t care if their soul marks were exposed.)
He was aware of the members’ soul marks too. Touma has a pink bougainvillea on his hips. Minami has two white flower buds on his ankle. And while Torao’s might be the second hardest to conceal, the white dahlia on his shoulder blade could only be seen if he had his back shown – which the company made sure he rarely did.
Haruka has a bouquet on the palm of his hand – literally. His soul mark was three stalks of delphinium in the colour pink, blue and white, tied together by a mint green ribbon.
They said that soul marks used to be simpler, easy to look at. But now the design has become more intricate and complex, making each mark unique. They were all different in shapes, sizes and designs. Each mark had their own meaning too and for some cases, the mark and meaning changes with passing time.
Haruka had heard of wilting flowers. His grandma had two stalks of orange blossoms on her forearm; one had wilted and left petals in its wake while the other still bloomed.
He looked down at his palm. The soul mark wasn’t as big as Touma’s but it covered the entirety of his palm. It was a difficult thing to cover, especially considering how sweaty one’s palms can get. It was probably one of the reasons why Haruka accidentally exposed his mark. The makeup had faded away, revealing the secret underneath.
Thankfully, outside filming was not allowed during live performances so no one secretly took a picture of it. Plus, the makeup only slightly lifted up, revealing barely a quarter of the design. But still, someone had managed to see it and took it to the internet. Now somehow, everyone was talking about ŹOOĻ’s Isumi Haruka and his soul mark.
“We’ve contacted the company in charge of the forum site and had them take down the post. The news would surely die down soon.” Utsugi told them.
“You can do that?” Touma asked.
Utsugi nodded his head. “Tsukumo Production has connections with everyone. Even if we did lose half of it momentarily.”
“You’re showing off, Utsugi-san.” Minami said as he smiled amusingly.
Utsugi grinned. “I can brag about my efforts sometimes. But well, as I said, nothing to worry about Isumi-san, and for the rest of you too. The company will make sure that no soul marks are leaked.”
Haruka scratched at his mark worriedly. “Thanks, I guess.”
“Minami, you must have it easy, don’t you?” Haruka commented as he watched Minami, already done with his makeup and ready to perform.
He sat quietly with a phone in his hand while the other three were now preparing to have their makeup done for their soul marks.
“Whatever do you mean?” Minami asked.
“Well. I thought it would be nice to have your soul mark at a non visible place. I wish I could always hide mine.” Haruka said. The makeup artist placed the cold tip of the concealer on his palm and Haruka resisted the urge to jump away.
“A soul mark is sacred, Isumi-san. It is proof of your existence and wellbeing. Why would you want to hide it?” Minami questioned.
“I never knew Mina was really passionate about soul marks.” Touma commented.
Minami merely smiled. “They mean a lot to me.”
“Well, work aside. I just think this whole soulmate thing is bullshit. I don’t ever want to meet my soulmate.” Haruka huffed out.
“Why not?” Torao asked.
“Because what if it’s someone I hate? What if it’s someone who hates me? I never want that. It feels like I will suffer. Meeting someone who is like another half of me… That sounds ridiculous.” Haruka said.
“Of course, I would still hide it for work too but to hide it because I hate it, I’ve never thought of such things.” Minami stated. “Isn’t it nice to know that somewhere out there, there is someone waiting for you?”
Haruka frowned. “Sounds creepy.”
“Never knew Minami was such a romanticist,” Torao said.
Minami gave him a pleased smile. “I think a soulmate is a wonderful thing. I haven’t found mine so I won’t know what it will be like but I hope they will make me happy.”
“You sound so sure of that, Mina. But I’ve never seen your soul mark before. I wonder what it looks like.” Touma questioned.
“That is a secret.” Minami answered.
“I’m sure whatever it is, it’s beautiful.” Torao said absentmindedly.
Minami tucked the loose strand of his hair behind his ear. “Thank you. I hope it is as beautiful as yours, Midou-san.”
Unlike the three of them who had their soul marks at very visible places, Minami was hidden at his ankle. You could never see it unless Minami walked around barefoot and he had never done so. Haruka had merely seen a glimpse of it, one time. Two tiny flower buds. For someone who was very proud of their soul marks, he surely knew how to keep it hidden.
“Must be nice, huh, to find your soulmate. I don’t know who’s mine either.” Touma said. “What about you, Haru?”
“Of course I’ve never met mine. And I don’t want to meet them at all.”
“That’s harsh.”
“Like I said, a soulmate sounds so ridiculous. I don’t want to fall in love with someone I don’t know or someone I hate. I would rather not know who my soulmate is.” Haruka grumbled.
“Be careful what you wish for. That pessimism could be dangerous, Isumi-san. You don’t know what lies ahead.” Minami warned him.
“Yeah? Well, then it will be great if I never meet my soulmate at all.”
The concept of soulmate to Haruka has never been fascinating or interesting. To him, it was burdensome.
Why must he dedicate his life to looking for ‘the one’? As if there was nothing else in this life that carries more meaning than finding your soulmate. (Though, Haruka couldn’t lie and say that he had been doing anything meaningful previously.)
But soulmates were burdensome and troubling. There was nothing about it that could ease his heart, like the tales have been saying. What can one person do that Haruka had not done by himself? All this while he had survived on his own and then suddenly his life would change for the better because of some millenium old legend? Sounds bullshit, too good to be true.
Haruka didn’t need a soulmate. He was fine on his own.
“Good work today.” Haruka blinked at the sudden greeting. His golden eyes met garnet ones.
Haruka quickly hid his hands behind his back and bowed. “Good work today, Kujou-san.”
“I heard your performance that day went well. Good job.” Tenn praised him. Haruka nodded his head. “But I also heard something happened. Be careful, Isumi-san. That carelessness of yours is very unprofessional.”
Haruka clenched his fists. “I understand that. You don’t have to berate me about it, Kujou-san. I am capable of taking care of myself and I will ensure nothing like this will ever happen again.”
“Well, I was just-”
“I am rushing to my next schedule. Please excuse me.” Haruka said before leaving hastily. Tenn quietly watched his retreating figure, unable to voice out anything else.
“Did you scare Isumi again, Tenn?” Gaku said accusingly when he came over and saw Haruka running off.
Tenn frowned. “I didn’t.”
“You said something, didn't you? Or else he wouldn’t have run off like that.”
Tenn clicked his tongue. “Maybe he did have a schedule and was running late. It’s not like he hates me.”
Gaku shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe he just felt your presence burdensome. You’re not as your image portrays, you know? Too blunt sometimes.”
“Well, if it’s for a good cause.” Tenn said, still gazing at where Haruka had run off.
He must be rushing to his next schedule.
Tenn smacked his lips together, feeling his throat run dry out of a sudden. Weird, the air conditioning didn’t seem like it was on full blast. He cleared his throat a few times.
“You okay?” Gaku asked.
“Yeah,” Tenn answered. “Just a little thirsty, I think.”
“Are you okay, Tenn?” Ryuu asked, voice worried as he looked at their center.
Tenn blinked, looking over at Ryuu. “Yeah. Why do you ask?”
“You look a bit pale. If you’re not feeling well you should take a rest.” Ryuu said.
“I’m fine. I just need to get out in the sun more. I’ve been cooped up lately.” Tenn said before taking a bottle of water and chugging it down. His members stared at him.
“That’s the third bottle this hour alone.” Gaku pointed out.
Tenn looked at him, an eyebrow arched. “Problem?”
“No. It’s just… you’re drinking a lot. Is everything okay? Maybe you have a fever after all.” Gaku said, walking over to him to check his temperature. Tenn weakly pushed his hand away.
“I’m fine. Just really thirsty. The weather has been really hot so my throat gets dry quickly.”
“If you say so… But go see a doctor after our schedule, okay? In case you really don’t feel well.” Ryuu said.
“I’m fine. Really, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about me.”
“Because it’s you, we worry. You like to push yourself too hard sometimes.” Gaku said, scoffing.
“Well, I’m not. Don’t worry.” Tenn said sternly. The other two stared at him a while longer before they returned to their earlier activities.
Tenn swallowed thickly, feeling his throat itch. He excused himself to the toilet, picking up the pace until he finally reached his destination and locked the door. He checked the stalls, made sure it was all empty before standing in front of the sink.
A cough, two. Tenn hackled quietly, covering his mouth. He cleared his throat, feeling the itch nudging at him. He took a deep breath before letting out another deep cough, heaving once it ended. The corner of his eyes were tearing up. Thank goodness his makeup was waterproof.
When Tenn removed his hand from his mouth, all he could see was pink and blue.
Quickly, he took a bunch of tissues, wrapping the few petals inside, making sure that they did not peek out before throwing them away. Tenn stared quietly at the lump of white in the garbage bin. He shook his head, washed his hands and left the toilet.
The colors of pink and blue were vivid in his mind as he performed on stage. If Tenn clenched his fist, he was sure he could still feel the soft texture of the petals.
There was a knock on his bedroom door.
“Tenn, Gaku and I are going out with Mitsuki-kun and Torao-kun. We’re probably going for drinks too so we’ll be back late.” Ryuu said from the other side of the door. It was quiet for a moment.
“He didn’t reply? Is he okay? Should we knock down the door?” Gaku asked.
“Alright! Sorry, I was drinking my water.” Tenn called out after clearing his throat.
“Oh, okay then. Call us if you need anything alright? You’ve been in your room since breakfast so Gaku and I were a little worried.” Ryuu said.
“No. I’m fine. Have fun and don’t drink too much.” Tenn replied.
“Okay. We’ll head out first.”
Tenn waited quietly in his room as he heard their retreating footsteps. There was muffled shuffling and then a distant sound of the front door closing. Tenn exhaled deeply before he was interrupted by a fit of coughs.
He picked up his box of tissue, plucking out a piece and coughed into it. Tenn wheezed with every breath, trying to get enough oxygen in while he coughed his lungs out. When he finally calmed down enough, he removed the tissue. A mix of thick saliva with pink and blue petals.
Tenn cringed. He wiped the saliva slightly before putting the tissue side by side with the other infected tissues that he had been collecting since he woke up.
The petals had grown in numbers.
It was only two or three petals every once in a while a week ago. But now, he had a handful of them in one cough.
That was starting to grow concerning.
The petals had not taken shape yet so Tenn couldn’t tell what type of flowers they were. But with the rate he was going, he was sure that he would find that out sooner or later.
Crumpling up the tissues, Tenn threw it away into his trash bin. He would need to throw them out when Gaku and Ryuu weren't around. Couldn’t have them know about this.
Right now, he needed to make sure his schedules ran smoothly. The issue with these flower petals can just wait.
In this universe, everyone has a soulmate.
To recognize one’s soulmate, you must look for the soul mark carved on their body, usually a splitting image of your own soul mark. Each mark is unique to each pair of soulmates. Only they would recognize each other’s mark. Flowers that were meant to bloom together.
Flowers that were unique and meaningful.
Flowers that tell a story that connects the two souls.
Flowers that breathe life into each other.
Flowers that could also kill.
To meet one’s soulmate is a blessing; to lose one is a lesson; but to be rejected by one, is a curse.
When one half of the soul rejects the other, they will receive the brunt of the stick. The rejected soul could only suffer at the mercy of their other half. They will start to fall ill, coughing up the flower that connects them and soon fall into their own demise.
Hanahaki.
It was uncommon but not unheard of. Many cases of soulmates rejecting each other, causing the other to lose their life, choked up by the flowers that were supposed to save them.
Of course, there were ways to prevent death, ways to cure hanahaki. But not every cure means freedom.
“You’re just entering your second stage.” The doctor said, looking at his test results. “It will only get harder from here on out.”
Tenn stared at him. “Is there any medicine I can take? A cure to this?”
“We are in modern times so a medicine has been found but it’s not a cure. It is merely a painkiller of some sort. It helps you remove the pain that comes with the flowers and slows down the blooming process.” The doctor explained. “Looking at your x-ray here, it hasn’t taken root yet. The medicine will help in decelerating the process. But again, it is no cure.”
“How long until it blooms?”
“Looking at the x-ray… and if you take the medicine then maybe, eight months to a year? It could be less, depending on how well the medicine works for you. There could be side effects.”
“And if I don’t take the medicine?”
The doctor pursed his lips together. “Three months.”
“Three? That’s quick.” Tenn pointed out.
“It is a plant grown from feelings, Kujou-kun. Water only makes it grow faster.”
“So I can’t drink water?”
“Well, you can but it will speed up the process.”
Tenn sighed. “Is there no cure to this?”
The doctor smacked his lips together. He tapped his pen on his desk slowly, thinking. Tenn could see a leaf poking out of his white sleeves.
“Surgical removal.” The doctor said after a long pause. “It is possible but risky. Too risky.”
“This is the modern times. Is there no advanced medicinal technology?” Tenn asked.
“There is. But as I say, Kujou-kun. Too risky. We can remove the plant from your lungs but if your soulmate continues to reject you, a new plant will regrow. You can’t keep going for surgery then, could you?” The doctor explained. “The only way to stop regrowth is by removing your soul mark as well.”
“Removing my soul mark?” Tenn frowned. “And then what will happen to my soulmate?”
“You will lose your soul bond.” The doctor said, “It will be as if you two were never soulmates in the first place.”
“But then we will get a new soulmate, right? A new soul mark will appear, creating a new soul bond, right?”
“No. Soulmates are created for one another. There can never be a new soulmate or a different soulmate. There can be more than one, sure but never a new one. Once a soul mark is removed, so will the soul bond, and you will no longer have a soulmate.”
“And there is no other way?”
“Unless your soulmate starts accepting you then there is no other way.”
Tenn let out a deep exhale. He didn’t even know who his soulmate is so to start asking them to accept him would be impossible. But Tenn couldn’t proceed with the surgery either. Too many things to factor in. His career, the recovery process, if it will work. And to remove his soul mark too… Tenn traced his palm absentmindedly.
“Please prescribe me the medicine.” Tenn said. “I will fight my way through this disease one way or another.”
Before he was known as the Kujou Tenn of today, Tenn was a young kid who loved the idea of soulmates.
Him and Riku would always talk about meeting their soulmates. They would draw their soul marks on pieces of papers, decorating their fridge with images of blooming flowers.
“Tenn-nii, did you know, the other day I read something.” Riku said.
“What is it?” Tenn asked him.
“They say that if someone rejects their soulmate, the rejected soulmate will start coughing up petals and flowers. They will slowly die out.”
Tenn frowned. “That doesn’t sound pleasant.”
“It doesn’t! But I thought it’s hauntingly beautiful that rather than hating the person who rejects you, you are willing to die. It is better to die than to be hated by the person meant for you. Something like that.”
Tenn’s frown deepened. “I don’t like that. It sounds scary.”
“I don’t like it either. But don’t worry! It will never happen to us.”
“And how are you so confident about this?”
“Because…” Riku drawled out, walking over to his twin and hugging him. “Tenn-nii is so kind, your soulmate will never reject or hate you. I’m sure that they will love you with all of their might! And I’m sure my soulmate will be a great person who will love and cherish me.”
“Well, I hope they do. Riku deserves to be loved.” Tenn said.
“Tenn-nii too!” Riku exclaimed. He hummed quietly. “But, if that thing happens, do you think you will hate your soulmate for rejecting you, Tenn-nii?”
Tenn gave it a thought. “No. After all, they must have their reason. If I can’t make them accept me, then I’ll make myself accept the situation I’m in. I’ll fight my way through it.”
“That’s so cool! As I thought, Tenn-nii is the kindest and coolest!”
“Good morning, Kujou-san!” Tenn blinked slowly. His eyes flickered from Riku’s neck to his eyes.
He smiled. “Good morning, Nanase-san.”
“I haven’t seen you in a while! I hope you’re doing well. It’s been some time since our paths crossed.” Riku said, grinning. He looked at Tenn, blinking a few times before he tugged his twin away into a corner. “Are you okay, Tenn-nii? You look a little pale.”
“I’m fine. I haven’t been tanning much.” Tenn said.
“You should go out more! It’s not good to stay cooped up, you know?” Riku chided.
Tenn could only smile at his concern. Out of the two of them, Tenn was certainly paler even though Riku was the sickly one. His tanned skin is a clear contrast to Tenn’s pale complexion.
Even now, as they stood close to each other, the difference was jarring. Tenn’s eyes skimmed over Riku’s figure. He looked healthy, glowing in a sense. He seemed a little tanner than the last time Tenn saw him as well. His eyes fall on the juncture connecting Riku’s neck and shoulder.
It was hidden by makeup now, but Tenn remembered the red and white carnations that bloomed on that skin.
Riku had already found his soulmate, and Tenn envied the fact that he possibly could not experience the same joy his twin was in.
“But you really do look unnaturally pale. And skinny too. Are you sure you’re okay? You always tell me not to push myself but you do that too.” Riku said with a pout.
“I’m seriously okay. I’ve just been busy lately. Don’t worry about me.”
“Well, if you can worry about me then I can worry about you!” Riku huffed out. He held Tenn’s hand, finger gently tracing his palm, making him ticklish. “Don’t push yourself too hard, okay? We still need to do a rematch at Black or White.”
“Of course, I won’t give up on that. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of myself.”
“Good.” Riku said, grinning. “I’ll go now but text me, okay?”
“Sure.” Tenn replied as he watched Riku run off to his dressing room, waving him goodbye.
He let out a cough, quickly covering his mouth. The petals are down to a few, but the colors seemed more vivid than ever.
“There’s a new job offer for you.”
Tenn’s eyes flicked away from the script he was reading. He met eyes with Anesagi briefly through the rearview mirror.
“A new job?” Tenn asked.
Anesagi hummed. “Well, I say for you but TRIGGER as a whole would be involved too.”
Tenn arched an eyebrow. “It’s not like you to beat around the bush like this. What is it?”
“TRIGGER is being asked to perform at a festival together with Re:Vale, IDOLiSH7 and ŹOOĻ, similar to what you guys did for the Rainbow Arena live.” Anesagi explained.
“And..?”
“They are asking for you to do a round of shuffle unit songs.” Anesagi continued. “They want to pair you up with Isumi-san from ŹOOĻ.”
“Oh…” Tenn mumbled, eyebrows furrowed. “Do you think I shouldn’t do it?”
“I don’t mind. I think it will be a good opportunity. I was just wondering if you’re okay with it. I still have no idea what is going on between the two of you but Isumi-san doesn’t look like he enjoys being left alone with just you.” Anesagi stated.
“I don’t think it’s anything serious. I’m not bothered by it and I’m sure when the time comes we’re professional enough to handle it.” Tenn said. “I don’t mind doing the song.”
Anesagi nodded her head. “Then, there’s no objection from me. I’ll inform you later once there are more details.”
“Sure,” Tenn said before stifling a cough. He pulled out a tissue, coughing into it.
Anesagi glanced at him briefly. “You’ve been coughing a lot lately. Everything okay?”
“It’s fine. Just some allergies I think. I got cough medicine ready.”
Anesagi hummed quietly, nodding her head. “Don’t push yourself. If you need a break don’t hesitate to tell me. Can’t have you running around while you’re sick.”
“I’m fine,” Tenn said, waving her off. “It will pass soon.”
Delphinium symbolizes protection.
It was an aged old plant that has a history of nurturing and healing, dated back to the 50s. Whenever he looked at his soul mark, Tenn believed that a part of him was healed. Maybe not entirely, but looking at the soul mark gave him strength to move forward.
Looking at the petals he coughed up, not so.
Tenn let out a heavy sigh, wrapping up the petals into tissue like he always did and threw them into the garbage bin. He left the washroom and headed over to the practice room.
Today was the first day of practice for their shuffle unit collaboration. As briefed by Anesagi, Tenn was paired up with Haruka, together with IDOLiSH7’s Rokuya Nagi and Yotsuba Tamaki. They’ve decided to gather at the practice room in Takanashi Production, while the other units had scattered about at the other agencies.
“Oh! TennTenn, you’re here already!” Tamaki greeted as soon as Tenn entered the practice room.
Tenn smiled at him. “I see you’re here too, Tamaki-kun.”
Tamaki pulled down his mask, surprising Tenn. The younger idol didn’t seem to be bothered much as he grinned at Tenn. “I had the morning off. Hehe, I’m the first today!”
“Good afternoon,” Another voice greeted as the door opened. Tenn turned around to see Haruka coming in. He gave a nod at Tenn before eyes flickering towards Tamaki. “Ah! Yotsuba! You didn’t wear your makeup again today.”
“Again?” Tenn wondered.
“It’s fine, it’s fine!” Tamaki shrugged him off, pocketing his face mask. “I had no schedule earlier so I came straight from the dorms. I was also wearing a face mask and was in the car on my way here. There’s no way anyone would notice!”
“They would if they look, you fucking idiot. Your soul mark is in a visible place.” Haruka hissed, rummaging through his bag.
Tenn glanced over at Tamaki’s face. His soul mark is completely visible. In a place that was way more obvious than his twin brother’s. But the blue and white daisies decorating his cheekbones was pretty. It looked like freckles and complemented his face really well.
“Here. At least put on some powder and cover them up.” Haruka said, handing over his compact powder.
“Eh? But it’s fine, isn’t it? There’s no one here except Isumin, TennTenn and later, Nagicchi. Nagicchi and Isumin already know what my soul mark looks like. Now that TennTenn knows, it’s useless to hide it.” Tamaki whined. “Besides, the sweat from practice is gonna remove my makeup anyway.”
“So what? You’re an idol, be mindful of your surroundings regardless! Also, this is transfer proof and waterproof so there’s no way the coverage will be gone.” Haruka stated. “I know Izumi wouldn’t be happy to know you’re walking around with your soul mark exposed.”
“Ugh, don’t tell him. I already had an earful the other day from him and So-chan.” Tamaki said, taking the compact powder from Haruka and applying it.
Tenn watched their interaction quietly, not knowing when he could chime in. He didn’t have to when Haruka turned to look, eyes meeting him.
“Good afternoon, Kujou-san.” Haruka greeted.
Tenn nodded his head. “Good afternoon, Isumi-san.”
“Sorry for that… I just needed to remind Yotsuba. He always runs around with his soul mark visible.”
“I don’t really care much.” Tamaki stated.
“Because you’re an idol you should care!” Haruka hissed at him.
“Isumi-san is right, Tamaki-kun. Hiding your soul mark is one thing, but being presentable is important too.”
“Eh… I don’t want to hear a lecture from TennTenn!” Tamaki whined.
“Maybe hearing a lecture from Kujou Tenn would smack some sense into you.” Haruka huffed out, arms crossing over his chest. He briefly glanced at Tenn. “Well, someone told me that it’s also unprofessional to be careless. So, you should probably care a little about your soul mark being visible, Yotsuba.”
Tenn blinked in surprise at the unexpected jab. He didn’t expect that Haruka would take that to heart. His careless words had somehow left an impression on the younger idol.
“Professionalism aside, soul mark is sacred, isn’t it?” Tenn said. Haruka and Tamaki looked at him curiously.
“It’s something that is personal and private to the person. You can’t simply let anyone see, especially not strangers. You don’t know what other people can do when they get information on something so private. Of course, I’m not saying that your fans may do that. But you are a public figure, and there are more to the public than just your fans. There’s non-fans, anti-fans, rumors flying about.”
“So, hiding your soul mark isn’t just about professionalism nor is it just to protect your group, image or fans, but rather to protect yourself.”
Tamaki stared at him. “Wow, TennTenn just said something really impressive.”
Tenn smiled at him. “It’s nothing at all.”
“Well, I don’t really care much but I guess it’s important to protect my soulmate, right? I don’t want him to get hurt because of me.” Tamaki mumbled as he finished covering up his soul mark.
The room was quiet, saved for Tamaki’s quiet mumblings. Tenn glanced over at Haruka, who was staring at him quite intently. He arched an eyebrow.
The door opened again, Rokuya Nagi bursting into the room, taking away from their earlier moment. Now that everyone was gathered, they could finally start. There was an itch at the back of his throat, a cough always threatening to spill, but Tenn ignored all of it in favor of practice.
There was a saying that goes ‘it gets worse before it gets better’.
Tenn hoped that the same was applicable to his hanahaki disease.
He had been taking the medicine regularly for a month now. It was all going well until a week ago where he had started coughing up blood alongside the petals. It was an eerie sight.
Tenn didn’t even think Riku’s health condition was that bad for him to cough up blood. Seeing himself coughing up blood however, was entirely new and somewhat frightening.
The doctor said there might be side effects. But this felt more like the disease accelerating at a concerning rate. That would be a problem for sure. It was also getting harder and harder for him to hide this from his members and manager.
Ryuu has suspected something was going wrong, keeping a close eye on his habit and meals. Gaku tried confronting him several times in which Tenn pushed him away. Anesagi had attempted to cut back on his schedule too.
But it was futile, really when the problem lies around someone else and not something Tenn himself could fix.
Tenn let out a deep sigh, leaning against the wall of the practice room. He was about to close his eye, maybe take a quick nap before someone was dangling something in front of his face. Tenn’s eyes flickered upwards, seeing Haruka holding out a King Pudding cup. He arched an eyebrow at him.
“You look pale.” Haruka pointed out. “And… I don’t know, tired? You just don’t look really well. I thought something sweet might help. Don’t worry, I didn’t steal this from Yotsuba so he wouldn’t come at you.”
They were practicing for that joint festival with the four groups today. Not everyone was here, only several from either groups attending today’s practice to brush up on the choreography individually. Since they were idols, it was hard to match everyone’s schedule. Gaku and Ryuu weren’t here today either. Which makes it easier for Tenn to hide away from the scrutinizing gaze; but harder for him to pull himself together without additional support.
“Thanks.” Tenn mumbled, taking the King Pudding from Haruka. “You wanna sit?”
Haruka nervously glanced at the spot beside Tenn. It took him a minute longer before he finally decided to just sit down, back leaning against the wall. Tenn smiled as he opened the pudding.
“Want some?” Tenn offered after taking a bite.
Haruka flickered over the pudding cup, then Tenn’s face. “I gave that to you.”
Tenn shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t mind sharing. I don’t think I can finish it either. Or rather, I can’t. It will mess up my calorie count.”
Haruka scoffed. “You look like you’re at the brink of death and you still worry about calorie count?”
Tenn let out a dry chuckle. Well, at the brink of death was one way to put it.
He continued eating from the cup, silence engulfing the both of them. The other idols who were here today for practice had scattered about. Some went to get a quick bite, others went to cool down. The 15-minute break given to them was slowly reaching its end.
“You confuse me, Isumi Haruka.” Tenn voiced out suddenly.
“What?”
“Some days, you avoid me like the plague. But other days, like today, you offer me a cup of pudding.” Tenn stated. “What is it that you think of me?”
“I don’t think of you.” Haruka said in a deadpan tone.
“Well, I certainly crossed your mind when you bought me this pudding.” Tenn said, gesturing at the pudding cup. “Do you want to be friends?”
“No.” Haruka scoffed.
“Really? I thought we could be good friends.”
Haruka looked at him, eyes wide. “You want to be friends with me?”
Tenn tilted his head to the side. “Yeah? I can’t?”
Haruka squinted his eyes at him, gaze scrutinizing. Tenn returned the gaze. Not bothered at all by the fact that his junior was looking down at him. In fact, Tenn found it all too amusing.
Haruka shook his head.
“You don’t want to be friends?” Tenn asked.
He glanced briefly at Tenn before standing up and leaving him all alone against the wall. “You’re ridiculous.”
Tenn didn’t realize he didn’t have an itch to cough at all throughout the rest of the day.
Gaku has a bouquet of peonies on the left side of his chest. They were beautiful and befitting for the man. Fiercely loyal, someone who would surely hold their soulmate close to their heart.
Ryuu has a stalk of sunflower across his thigh. Tenn felt that it fitted Ryuu’s image as well. Encompassed the bright and warm personality of their beloved oldest member.
They were aware of Tenn’s soul mark too of course. Being shown to it on their first day as TRIGGER. To provide a symbol of trust towards each other. To ensure that they would protect each other in case their soul mark leaked to the public.
Neither of their soul marks were in obviously visible places. It could be well hidden as long as they don’t undress themselves in public. But it wouldn’t hurt to be careful.
“What do you guys think of soulmates?” Tenn had asked one day out of nowhere. When they were sitting together in the living room after a day of running around to clean up their tarnished name.
“I like the idea of it. I think it’s wonderful to know that there is someone out there made for me.” Ryuu had answered.
“I can’t wait to meet mine.” Gaku said, typical.
Tenn hummed quietly. “What if your soulmate hates you? Or someone you hate ends up being your soulmate? What would you do then?”
A momentary pause as they thought about it.
“If… they hate me, there must be a reason, right? There might be resentment over something. I would like to know their reason because they can’t hate me over something silly. A soulmate is someone meant for you, there must be a reason why fate created us together and so, I would like us to understand that reason before deciding that we’re actually not meant for each other.” Gaku stated.
They stared at him in quiet surprise. Tenn chuckled. “Wow. As expected from the romanticist, huh?”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!”
But Tenn wondered too how he and his soulmate could be a perfect match.
“Medicines? Are you sick?” Gaku asked when he caught Tenn taking his medicated pills in the green room.
Tenn glanced at him before swallowing down his pills with water.
“Supplements.” Tenn answered.
Gaku couldn’t tell branded loafers apart from each other, but Tenn was pretty sure he could at least tell the difference between medicine and vitamins. Though, he liked to pretend that he still had this secret under wraps.
“Tenn, you’re being very weird.” Gaku stated, looking at him intently. “Ryuu, Anesagi and I are getting really worried. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Tenn looked at him. He breathed in deeply and then let out a long exhale. “Gaku, do you trust me?”
Gaku’s eyebrows furrowed. “That goes without saying.”
“Can you trust that I will be able to get through this on my own?”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you but-”
“I know that you want me to rely on you, to rely on Ryuu and Anesagi. But at this moment, I don’t think it is something that I can confide with any of you. This is personal.” Tenn explained. Gaku’s eyebrows furrowed deeper. “I appreciate your concern but I would like to deal with this on my own. I can only deal with this on my own.”
“Does it have something to do with your adoptive father?”
Tenn shook his head.
“Nanase?”
Tenn shook his head again.
Gaku sighed. “Okay. Then I won’t push further. But, you won’t disappear right, Tenn?”
Tenn looked at him in surprise. He chuckled. “You’re worried about that?”
Gaku shrugged his shoulders. “I can’t be too sure.”
“I won’t disappear.” Tenn said, smiling softly. “And, if, when it gets too much, I’ll tell you guys.”
Tenn wondered if the sudden shiver he got down his back was similar to the fear he had around seven years ago when he thought his brother wouldn’t make it.
He took a deep breath. Gargling his mouth, Tenn tried his best to remove the metallic taste. He could still see the mix of red, pink and blue in the sink no matter how many times he had tried to wash it away. If this went on, maybe he wouldn’t even make it to eight months.
Aside from throwing up more petals mixed in with blood, nothing else had physically changed. His schedules ran smoothly as usual. Perhaps he looked a bit paler, noted by his members and manager. But that was probably due to the blood vomit. Tenn compensated for it through his food intake, consuming more meals that could help keep up his stamina.
He still sang well and he was still in practice for the joint festival.
Tenn raised his head from his slouching position when he felt a presence beside him. In between them was a King Pudding cup.
“Eat it. I stole it from Yotsuba this time.” Haruka told him.
Tenn chuckled, picking up the dessert. On the other side of the practice room, there was conversation. On this side, there was silence. Tenn took a bite of the pudding. The smooth texture glided through his throat, cooling the burning sensation he had a minute ago from throwing up before practice.
“Do you like pudding, Isumi Haruka?” Tenn asked him.
Haruka shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t have strong feelings for it like Yotsuba does. It’s easy to eat though. Especially when you can’t stomach any food.”
Tenn nodded his head.
“Do you like pudding?”
“They are nice.” Tenn answered. “The ones given to me for free are especially tastier.”
Haruka snorted. “You do like desserts, don’t you?”
Tenn hummed, nodding slightly. “And pickled foods.”
“Pickled foods? What a weird combination.”
Tenn rolled his eyes at him. “I don’t eat them together. I like it separately.”
“Still, there are two different food palates. It’s weird to think that you would want to eat it.”
“Well, I like it.”
“Do you like donuts?”
“I do.”
“There’s a new donuts shop near our school,” Haruka said. “I’ll bring it next time.”
Tenn glanced at him. “Are we friends now?”
Haruka looked back, scoffing. “You wish.”
Tenn finished his pudding just before the break ended. The sweet caramel lingered longer in his mouth than he would like.
Haruka and Tamaki came to their shuffle unit practice the next day with two boxes of donuts.
“Nagicchi doesn’t like sweet things so these are all mine.” Tamaki announced proudly, ignoring the fact that Tenn was there in the room.
“You can have some of mine,” Haruka mumbled, pushing his box of six towards Tenn. “I’ll offer some to Rokuya-san too.”
Tenn chuckled, picking up a donut. “You’re a good kid, Isumi Haruka.”
Haruka glared at him. “Shut up.”
Tenn picked up the strawberry donut, munching on it slowly. He usually wouldn’t indulge in desserts before practice but he had a particularly bad day with the disease earlier today. The white petals that were tainted with blood still vividly appear in his mind. Tenn just wanted to wash it away.
Beside him, Tamaki and Haruka were quietly chatting about their school day. Tenn could barely pick up on the conversation, jumping from one topic to another. He tuned them out, eyes closed as he munched on his donut. He might have dozed off a bit before opening his eyes, the donut no longer in his hand and Tamaki nowhere to be seen in the room.
“Yotsuba went to the toilet,” Haruka explained when he saw the confused look on Tenn’s face. “You were dozing off while eating so I put your donut away.”
“Sorry.” Tenn said, picking up a tissue and wiped his hands off. “I think I’m a little tired.”
“Rokuya-san is going to be here late again. Apparently he’s being held back from filming.” Haruka said. “How about you take a nap? I’ll wake you up when he arrives.”
“Is that okay?” Tenn asked.
Haruka snorted. “No one is going to scold you for it. I’ll tell Yotsuba to keep quiet.”
Tenn hummed quietly. He made himself comfortable, leaning further against the wall and propping his knees up, hugging them to his chest. Finally, he leaned his head on Haruka’s shoulder.
“Wha-? Hey!”
“Just until Tamaki-kun comes back,” Tenn whispered before immediately dozing off.
Tamaki must be taking a long time, Tenn thought, drifting between conscious and unconsciousness. Haruka still hadn’t woken him up and Tenn was getting far too comfortable sleeping on his shoulder.
There was a sudden shout coming from somewhere. Tenn’s eyebrows furrowed. He wanted to open his eyes and see what the ruckus was about but he was too tired. And this position made him want to drift into sleep longer.
“Yotsuba, shut up.” Tenn could hear a faraway, muffled voice.
“Ah, sorry.” Tamaki whispered quietly.
Oh, so Tamaki was back. Yet Tenn was still comfortably sleeping on Haruka’s shoulder. He opened his eyes slightly, seeing that the younger was on his phone with his other hand, scrolling through his Rabbitter timeline. The other arm that was not holding his phone laid idly on his lap, unmoving.
Tenn’s eyes closed shut again, drifting back to dreamland. The tainted white petals as if forgotten from his mind.
The instability of his disease truthfully scared Tenn a little.
Sometimes, he felt good. Almost like he could save a world or something. The petals do not appear and his coughs were minimal to none. Other days, Tenn had to will himself to get up. The color red stained his mouth, lips and hands. The petals that were supposed to be soft and beautiful were rough and hideous. It was so suffocating that Tenn wondered if there was any end to this.
But after a while, he did notice one thing.
The disease flared up whenever Tenn had a schedule for the joint live with the other idols. It will, however, calm down so drastically by the time practice is in session. It was almost as if Tenn didn’t have hanahaki at all.
A weird phenomenon, but one that Tenn was somewhat grateful for. Hiding from his members was already proving difficult. He didn’t know what to say if his disease was exposed to everyone during their joint rehearsal.
He made do with how he navigated the illness. Anything for as long as he could hold on. The doctor did say he had around a year anyways so Tenn was going to stretch that time into the thinnest possible.
Just enough until he almost breaks.
He was grateful that his members and manager had given him their support. Even if they had no idea what Tenn was going through. The gentle and silent approach works better for him than having to deal with pitiful gazes.
Another person that Tenn couldn’t help but be grateful for was Haruka.
Somehow, the younger idol managed to be attentive towards him. Providing Tenn snacks and sweets whenever he was having a particularly bad day. He would also let Tenn rest a bit longer before they resume practice.
But he couldn’t let himself fall behind as much either. On days that Tenn felt better, he would help Haruka out as much as he could.
“You will lose breath control that way.” Tenn pointed out as he watched Haruka from the sidelines.
The younger idol paused his steps and turned around. “Didn’t you say you’re going back?”
“I left something.” Tenn said. “You’re still going to practice?”
“I have nothing else to do.”
Tenn hummed quietly before taking a seat in front of the mirrors. Haruka arched an eyebrow at him.
“Carry on.” Tenn said.
“With you here? No way!”
Tenn grinned. “What? Embarrass to mess up in front of me?”
Haruka clicked his tongue together. Not willing to back down, he started up the music again. Their shuffle unit song was more on the pop side, energetic and had a routined choreography to it. They have been practicing together for a few times so now it was all up to them to polish the dance individually.
Haruka had sharp and precise movements. He doesn’t dance much in ŹOOĻ’s choreographies, being one half of the double center. But his dance skills aren't lacking in any way. Tenn’s eyes trained on him, seeing familiar techniques by a dance teacher in the States, a distant reminder of what initially connected them.
Sometimes, Tenn wondered if Kujou Takamasa was not in the picture, would things be different between him and Haruka.
Maybe TRIGGER wouldn’t exist, nor did ŹOOĻ. Maybe Tenn wouldn’t have left home. Maybe he wouldn’t have been an idol. Maybe they wouldn’t meet at all.
Somehow that thought did not fit right into Tenn’s mind.
“Shit..!”
Tenn snapped out of his thoughts at the sudden yelp from Haruka. He looked to see the younger idol had fallen flat on the floor. He shook his head before standing up and walking over.
"Are you okay?" Tenn asked as he loomed over Haruka. “Be careful or you’re going to hurt yourself badly.”
"Yeah." Haruka grumbled, patting his arms. "Just missed a step."
Tenn shook his head, a smile of amusement decorating his lips. He held his hand out. "Come on, I'll help you out."
Haruka stared at the outstretched hand. Usually, he would just ignore it and stand on his own. After all, he would rather fall than admit that he needed help from Kujou Tenn.
But today, he didn't feel like putting up a fight.
And so Haruka took his hand, ready to be pulled up.
As soon as their palms touched, a static-like feeling coursed through their body. Tenn hissed before pulling away suddenly. His eyes were wide in shock.
"You..!"
"What..?"
Before any other words could be exchanged, Tenn heaved loudly. Haruka watched in surprise as he started coughing uncontrollably. The older male tried his best to conceal his coughing fit. But it proved futile as he continued to heave and wheeze. The coughs were so loud and gruff, it resounded throughout the practice room.
Tenn tried his best to reel it all in, curling up his body. But a slip of the moment caused him to let out another cough and Haruka could finally see a pink petal flying out.
His eyes widened. "Kujou-san, this is..."
"Don't!" Tenn heaved, raising a hand. "Don't touch it, it's dirty."
Haruka's eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the flower petals that decorated the floor. The mix of blue, pink and white that surrounded Tenn was both beautiful and eerie.
"This is... It's hanahaki, isn't it?" Haruka asked quietly. Tenn didn't answer, still quietly coughing away. And then, the realization hit him. "This... Did I do this to you, Kujou-san?”
Tenn inhaled deeply, his expression tired. “Depends. Are you my soulmate?”
He showed his right palm, the three stalks of pink, blue and white delphinium tied together with a mint green ribbon was unmistakable. An exact replica of the one on Haruka’s left palm. His eyes widened.
“Kujou-san…” Haruka muttered, scrambling over to Tenn’s side.
“Don’t.” Tenn said, pulling away which made Haruka stop. His breathing was heavy, like he had just ran a marathon when he was fine a minute ago. “It might… get worse if you come closer.”
“But we need to get you to the hospital… A treatment..!”
“It’s fine. I have my medicines in my bag.”
Haruka clenched his fists. “How long..?”
Tenn closed his eyes briefly. “Almost three months?”
“And you have just been enduring it!?”
“Not much else I can do. I didn’t know who my soulmate was.”
Haruka clenched his fists tighter. The soul mark on his left palm was stinging slightly, possibly an aftershock of what happened. He hung his head low.
“I’m sorry…” Haruka whispered, tears building up.
Tenn chuckled softly. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”
Haruka shook his head. “I’m so, so sorry.”
He met eyes with Tenn who only looked at him with a gentle expression. There was a smidge of red on the corner of his lips. The pink, blue and white petals mixed around and surrounded him. Hauntingly beautiful.
“I’ll get better.” Tenn told him with a small smile, ever so kind. “It’s not your fault. So don’t worry about it.”
Haruka didn’t know how to tell Tenn that he was far from the truth.