Chapter Text
Zenitsu Agatsuma is a crybaby. Everyone knows this, it's an undeniable fact… as common knowledge as water being wet, or Tanjiro Kamado being the kind of person who would help old ladies cross the street while apologizing for not doing it sooner.
Listen, Zenitsu is an honorable man… considering all circumstances and despite several “issues”. He is fair, just, and when someone is deserving of praise, he will bestow it upon them. And Tanjiro Kamado is more than deserving of such praise! He’s reliable, humble, respectful, beautiful (in a platonic, aggressively heterosexual kind of way) and frankly, it’s terrifying.
So of course, this is why he dreams of Tanjiro’s kind eyes sometimes…
Zenitsu liked girls. He liked them so much that he had been in love with approximately forty-seven of them in his second year of middle school alone. He liked their hair, their smiles, their laughter, their everything. He has always liked girls.
He dreams of marrying a beautiful woman, settling down in a cozy house on a grassy hill, raising well-behaved children who will inherit his slightly above-average bone structure. This is a well-known dream. A noble dream. A dream passed down by his ancestors, probably.
So why…
WHY does the sound of Tanjiro’s laugh make Zenitsu’s thoughts dissolve into static?
Why does Tanjiro’s smile hit him like a roundhouse kick to the soul?
Why does hearing Tanjiro say his name feel like receiving divine enlightenment directly to the face?
The answer was simple.
It’s because they’re best friends.
Obviously.
Of course! What else could it be anyway? Tanjiro is such a nice guy and a great friend that his body would react this way! Afterall, Zenitsu is in love with Nezuko, Tanjiro’s beautiful younger sister! Nezuko was very similar to Tanjiro, with them both being the eldest son and daughter of their large family of seven siblings!
…He wondered if Tanjiro wanted a large family of his own one day… NO! He meant Nezuko! If she wanted a large fam… you get the point!
Tanjiro and Nezuko shared the same gentle nature, the same warm eyes, even the same sunshine-like aura that made flowers probably bloom when they walked by.
So being near Tanjiro must have reminded him of Nezuko! That's probably why his heart does that! His silly little heart can’t even distinguish between the two siblings!
completelyignoringthefactthatheheartdoesn’tbeatthesamewayforNezukoasitdidforTanjiro—
Huh? Did you hear something? Must have been the wind…
Or
Possibly the sound of Tanjiro Kamado laughing in the courtyard below.
Zenitsu froze.
There it was, clear as a bell and twice as devastating. That soft, warm laugh that sounded like it had never known cruelty. A laugh that probably cured seasonal depression. A laugh that made Zenitsu’s neurons fire in random directions and his will to live both vanish and return at the same time.
He wasn’t eavesdropping. No. Absolutely not.
It wasn’t his fault that Tanjiro is so loud that it’s the only thing he could hear with his extremely exceptional hearing! If anyone should be blamed, it should be Tanjiro!
Zenitsu casually (violently) ripped open the dorm window and leaned halfway out.
Tanjiro stood in the courtyard below, sun rising behind him like the world had scheduled the golden hour specifically for his existence. He was talking with some underclassmen, smiling kindly while adjusting the practice wraps around his forearms.
Again: best friend feelings. Totally normal. Perfectly standard. Nothing to report.
Nothing at all.
Zenitsu began to close the window. Slowly. Casually. As though he had not just torn it open like a man possessed. As though his heart was not currently attempting to blast its way through his ribcage using the First Form of thunder breathing: Thunderclap and Flash…
He hoped Tanjiro didn’t notice his little incident early—
“OH! Zenitsu! Good morning!”
Zenitsu’s entire soul evacuated his body.
Tanjiro, still glowing like the human embodiment of morning warmth and moral integrity, waved up at him.
Gripping the windowsill, Zenitsu considered his options:
Jump.
Fake his own death.
Flee the country and change his identity.
None of these options sounded appealing at the moment… Gramps still needs him to take care of him and he still needs to marry a pretty girl… UGH! This is so frustrating! Tanjiro is frustrating!
“MONITSU! Come down so I can kick your ass!”
And here came a voice that sounded like someone had duct-taped a roar to a wild boar and set it loose, the owner of said voice, Inosuke Hashibira.
Bless Inosuke. If only all heroes arrived like a tornado with attitude. He’s slightly functional again which in itself is a miracle.
“WHY WOULD I COME DOWN JUST TO LET YOU ASSAULT ME?! What part of ‘good morning’ translates to ‘voluntary physical suffering’ in your brain, you wild PIG?!” Zenitsu screams back, ignoring his currently pounding heart.
Whatever, he’s better off getting it over with, the morning spar is always the worst part of the day. He’s mentally stable and mature enough to handle this situation with utmost grace and dignity! That is until—
“Zenitsu! Are you okay? Do you need me to help you get down?”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is Tanjiro Kamado’s gentle voice, and it sounded concerned and genuine… ugh!! Get yourself together, Zenitsu Agatsuma!
“I-I’m o-okay! I can go down on my own!” A timid voice, too loud in his ears but probably too soft to others. He tried to sound assertive and calm but he’s pretty sure it has the opposite effect…
Zenitsu hopes he survives the morning with no heart attack… which is unlikely considering, with just a little head turn, he could see Tanjiro’s sunlight-like smile… is this what they called, “The Tanjiro’s effect”?
Some upperclassmen were talking about “The Tanjiro’s effect”, he thought it was stupid because what even is that… but now he’s starting to believe them…
Maybe he should ask them about it and how to survive this terrifying world-crushing effect. He can only foolishly pray that he can make it through this morning without having a heart attack first of course…
Zenitsu got to the courtyard faster than he would have liked. There, he could hear so much noise, it drowned out his own worries which he is incredibly very grateful for! Except for one sound, the sound of Tanjiro’s steady heartbeat… Screw Tanjiro and his unreasonably loud heart! It’s all his fault!
“MONITSU! FIGHT ME!”
That was the last thing he heard before a force comparable to that of a truck crashed into his side…
Zenitsu did not remember flying. One moment, he was a human being with bones and dreams, and the next—he was airborne, horizontal, and spiritually detached from reality.
He crashed into the dirt in a somersault of pure anguish.
“WHAT THE HELL, INOSUKE?!” Zenitsu shrieked, flailing like an upturned crab. “ARE YOU TRYING TO COMMIT PREMEDITATED MURDER BEFORE BREAKFAST?!”
Inosuke loomed over him, shirt ripped from too much enthusiasm, fists clenched with righteous fury.
“MY FISTS ARE HUNGRY AND YOUR FACE LOOKED EDIBLE!”
“That’s not—even—WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!” Zenitsu screeched back, clutching his ribs in betrayal.
He ran as fast as he could around the courtyard with bruised (maybe even broken) ribs, amidst all the screaming and crying (from him), he could still hear the concerned heartbeats of Tanjiro Kamado…
Screw you eldest son…