Chapter Text
"Shoutaaaaaaa," Hizashi called, knowing that his best friend's homeroom just ended. Breaking the school rules, he ran down the hallway to meet Shouta. He needed to talk to Aizawa about something important.
When he felt the tell-tale glare of his best friend, Hizashi slowed down. He was so excited!
"What is it, Mic?" Shouta asked, disinterestedly.
"Shouta! Remember that dating app I downloaded a few days ago? I finally got a match! Look," Hizashi explained while pulling out his phone and fumbling with it. He managed to open the app and show the profile to Shouta.
"Hizashi, that profile looks fake," his best friend deadpanned. Shouta’s accusation confused him. There's no way it could be fake.
"Shouta, you must be mistaken. They're real. My match is a model who listens to my radio show and volunteers at animal shelters. Plus, they're super cute. Look," Hizashi said, pulling up one of the profile photos.
"That's a stock photo Hizashi. Look at the watermark," Shouta sighed, before trying to leave the conversation. Hizashi pouted. It was just like Shouta to be so negative about everything.
"How do you know that's not just a part of their modeling career? Look at more of their photos," Hizashi insisted. He wasn't going to let Shouta win. His match is definitely real, no matter what pessimistic thing Shouta believes.
"Hizashi, this is a stock photo of a completely different person," Shouta said, taking Hizashi's shock as an opportunity to leave.
Shouta was just mean. Hizashi’s match is so kind and has similar interests to him. Shouta is probably just jealous that he doesn't have the app or any matches. So what if Hizashi's match only has stock photos up? They're a real model that wants to talk to him.
Then again, he could never be too careful. Maybe the kids know more about online dating than he does. Class 1-A is more tech savvy than him. He decides to check with them during their English lesson. Putting his phone away for the time being, Hizashi gets back to work.
When it’s time to teach class 1-A, he rushes to the room. He probably shouldn’t make a habit of running through the halls, but today is an exciting day for him.
"Hello class 1-A! Before we start today's English lesson, could I ask you all for some help?" Hizashi asked, hoping the students would be willing to provide some input on his situation.
The students responded in very predictable ways. Those who were helpful like Midoriya's group of friends nodded and quietly waited. The more nosy students like Ashido stood up and immediately asked for clarification. Bakugou set off an explosion. The more standoffish students didn't say anything.
"Would someone lie about their identity on a dating app?" Hizashi asked. Most of the kids started laughing, as if he traded quirks with Ms. Joke or something.
Midoriya, being polite as ever, raised his hand before saying, "Ah, well Present Mic, a lot of people lie on the Internet because it's a lot easier than face to face. You should be very careful on dating apps, especially since you're a pro-hero."
"Who said this was about me?" Hizashi asked them, feeling embarrassed. Maybe Shouta was onto something. "Okay, fine. It's about me. Can you look at this and tell me if the person is lying?"
The students pass Mic's phone around the room, going through the profile of his match. Some of them looking at the phone thoughtfully and others looking like they're trying not to laugh. This was so embarrassing. Here he thought someone actually cared about getting to know him. The person on the other end could be a murderer or someone throwing a prank.
It was unanimous. All of the students believe that the profile is a fake. That's fine. He just wouldn't tell Shouta. Hizashi begun the class without his usual enthusiasm.
After class, Hizashi blocked the fake user and tried his best to act normally around Shouta. It couldn't be too hard to lie to his best friend.
“How is your imaginary date?” Shouta asked, staring into Hizashi’s soul. That's how it felt anyway. Shouta’s eyes were boring holes into him, pressuring him into telling the truth.
“They're fine,” Hizashi responded coolly. He could do this. All he had to do was play it off and then Shouta wouldn't make fun of him anymore.
“Is that so? I've heard otherwise,” Shouta said, once again sounding disinterested. It was a trick! Shouta is trying to get him to reveal things by acting like he already knows.
“What have you heard?” Hizashi asked, trying to uphold his facade. It was getting hard to do this. Shouta has barely said anything and Hizashi is already tensing up. He's trying so hard to keep himself in check so Shouta doesn't know he's lying.
“I heard that you blocked them. I also heard that the kids are making fun of you on social media,” Shouta asserted. No way. The kids wouldn't make fun of him. Sure, Hizashi might be gullible, but he's still the cool teacher, right? He couldn't help but start twitching at the thought.
“What? They wouldn't make fun of me. You're… You're playing a trick on me. Isn't that right, Shouta? You're trying to scare me into admitting something,” Hizashi barely managed to get the words out without screaming. Being humiliated by Shouta was normal, but the kids? No way.
“I would say that you would only feel that way if you had something you were trying to hide,” Shouta replied with a small smile on his face. Fuck. Hizashi got caught while trying so hard not to get caught.
“Fine, you win. I blocked the fake profile. Are the kids really making fun of me?” Hizashi sighed. Hopefully part of Shouta’s deception was untrue.
“In the teacher’s lounge, I overheard Thirteen and Snipe discussing the newest meme, ‘gullible internet user Present Mic,’ which is a pretty wordy name for a meme,” Shouta explained. Many of the teachers had become memes this year, but this is the first time it's happened to Hizashi.
Hizashi likes memes. He thinks they're funny and enjoys being in tune with the kids. Arguably the funniest and most distasteful UA meme is the act of captioning any picture of All Might with “What do you mean Detroit isn't a state?” Hizashi’s favorite meme has to be “Catepillarhead” which is just pictures of Shouta in his sleeping bag with various captions. It's normal to laugh at pictures of your best friend sleeping, right?
Looking up the Present Mic meme on his phone, Hizashi took note of the captions put on his image.
“Of course I'll give you my credit card information!”
“Sexy ladies in my area want to meet me? That's fantastic!”
“What do you mean I can't google things from Facebook?”
“Malware is my favorite emoji from YouTube.”
These memes are so hurtful. Hizashi has to live with it though; it's his fault for being so gullible. He handles social media well enough, but the mistake he made with the dating app really escalated things. Who would be the cool teacher now? Definitely not Shouta. Hizashi is sure that he's the only one who thinks Shouta is cool.
He spent the rest of the day after work dramatically sulking. Sure, he has papers to grade and work to do for his radio show. Hizashi could also go out and do hero stuff, but what's the point if no one thinks you're cool on the internet anymore?
Hizashi hadn't moved from where he flopped down on the couch hours before. It was dark and he should probably be getting ready for bed. He forgot to eat dinner. Hizashi sighed to himself.
Getting up to find a snack before bed, Hizashi noticed a blue glow on the other side of the room. His phone had a notification. It was a new match on the dating app.
He shouldn't be this excited. It's probably someone playing another prank on him. It's the first time Hizashi has had the will to live in hours. Opening up his phone, he's faced with a photo of a pretty girl with long dark hair and dark eyes. Not only are they matched up personality wise, this woman is exactly Hizashi’s type. Her username was Astral.Sky_118. It's cute, even though Hizashi has no clue what it means.
Hizashi carefully looked over the profile. There were multiple pictures of the same person. Hizashi found a link to a social media account under the same name. He’ll get the kids to check this out tomorrow if he becomes suspicious. Hizashi might be a laughing stock now, but this profile is definitely real. He quickly types out a message to his new match before returning to the kitchen.
H.Yamada_PM: Hey gorgeous!!! How are you doing? :)
He might be overly eager about this. Why shouldn't he be? Hizashi is potentially speaking to the love of his life. After putting some food in his system, he goes back to check his phone again.
Astral.Sky_118: I'm trying to sleep.
Hizashi chuckled while reading her response. That's such a Shouta way to respond to someone.
H.Yamada_PM: Goodnight then, my dear listener! I'll talk to you tomorrow!!
Hizashi hopes he's not coming off the wrong way. He knows that he has scared people away with his strong personality before, but really can't help being the way he is.
Astral.Sky_118: Who said I was listening to you? I might talk to you if I remember to care.
She's so cold. Hizashi is positively giddy. He's talking to a cute girl with an adorable personality. Hizashi goes to sleep, determined to rub this in Shouta’s face the next day.
Waking up earlier than usual, Hizashi checked the news on his phone. The main article in the heroics section was about the Present Mic meme. It had blown up overnight. His personal email was also full of Present Mic memes. This, of course, made for a bad start to anyone’s day. With the extra time he had, Hizashi became consumed by the negativity. Hizashi was able to brush most of it off on his way to work, but not all of it.
“Shoutaaaaa,” Hizashi called out, repeating the previous day’s events. Shouta was ready for him this time, waiting outside of the classroom for Hizashi.
“What is it now, Hizashi?” Shouta asked with the same disinterested look.
“Shouta, I got a new match. She's beautiful and funny. She's a real person!” Hizashi explained with pride, handing his phone to Shouta.
“You're right. This does look real,” Shouta said, after barely inspecting the profile. He gave Hizashi his phone back. That's odd. Yesterday, Shouta was more thorough.
“Are you sure you don't want to look more?” Hizashi asked, offering the phone again.
“No. Even if I didn't think it was real, you wouldn't believe me. Try asking the students again,” Shouta suggested before walking away.
Hizashi typed a quick message to his match before heading to the classroom he was going to teach in.
H.Yamada_PM: Good morning, beautiful! I'm at work now, so I might not respond right away.
He knew that he had to make the first move again. If this girl is anything like Shouta, she won't do anything unless he talks to her first. Hizashi put his phone away and prepared himself for a day full of teaching.
“Good morning class 1-A! Are you ready for English?” Hizashi asked upon entering the room. The groans in response made Hizashi feel almost a bit guilty for what he was about to do.
“We're going to have a short pop quiz! Just take a quiz from this stack,” Hizashi said, motioning towards a face down stack of papers. “Then translate the statement on the paper to English and turn it in.” Hizashi had prepared a quiz during his bad mood earlier; he had printed off copies of the most offensive memes of himself that he could find for this. It was petty as hell, but he refused to be the laughing stock of his own class.
The idea had come to him earlier that morning. Being a famous radio personality, he should really be better at dealing with people saying mean things about him. Hizashi can't help wanting to be well liked.
It was a very Shouta thing for him to do. He could see the students getting uncomfortable looks on their faces as they realize what's going on. Some of the more well behaved students look like they might start crying. Just seeing them like this makes Hizashi feel uncomfortable and full of guilt. Unlike Shouta, Hizashi doesn't enjoy seeing his students looking distraught. He’ll have to come up with a way to make them feel better. Hizashi probably won't grade the quizzes. He might even throw in an extra credit essay about the importance of being nice to people.
Most of the papers he gets back say something along the lines of “I'm so sorry Present Mic,” under their work. Iida practically wrote an essay apologizing for the entire class on his quiz. It doesn't feel nearly as good as he thought it would when he was half asleep.
“I feel really bad for doing this to you all,” Hizashi sighed. “It's just the memes that got put out there were hurtful and I'm weak when it comes to negative press. I guess I'll give you all an extra credit opportunity as an apology for my overreaction.”
The class looked immediately more relieved. He doesn't know how Shouta can be so numb when it comes to how he pushes the kids. Hizashi is so used to pleasing an audience that he just can't stand when the kids are upset with him.
Hizashi assigned a short group reading to the students before checking his phone. He had a message from his new match and it wouldn’t hurt at all to write back.
Astral.Sky_118: Why are you messaging me while you’re at work?
H.Yamada_PM: I was on a break! I'm not now but the kids are reading together. It's fine, the rules aren't that strict.
Astral.Sky_118: I know where you work. I can report you.
H.Yamada_PM: You’re really bad at flirting. ;)
“Present Mic, we’re all done reading the passage,” Uraraka announced, tearing Hizashi’s attention away from his phone. He would love to just banter with his match all day, but teaching is one of his jobs.
“Alright! Let’s have a class discussion on what we all learned from and thought about the passage. Don’t be shy to bring up any difficulties you and your groups had,” Hizashi explained, jumping up from his seat.
Hizashi was so excited about how well he was doing with his match that he didn’t even notice that Shouta avoided him for the rest of the day.