Chapter Text
‘Was he? What you needed?’
‘No. I mean, sort of. But…’
‘Did he hurt you?’
Shane didn’t answer. Instead, his gaze dipped to the floor.
The blood drained from Ilya’s face. ‘Shane?’
‘Um.’
Ilya’s fingers dug into the desk he was leaning on. He watched Shane’s face. That beautiful fucking face. The one he had to force himself not to stare at on the ice in case he got distracted. The face he had known since he was eighteen years old. Whether Shane believed it or not, there were few people who could read his face like Ilya Rozanov could.
And he was reading the truth on it now.
‘Fuck. He hurt you?’
Ilya didn’t want to hear it. Couldn’t bear the thought of it. But he had to know.
‘He probably didn’t mean to.’ Shane was still avoiding Ilya’s gaze.
Ilya crossed the distance between them and hooked Shane’s chin between his thumb and forefinger, moving his face upwards. Shane tried to pull away but Ilya kept him there, his strong fingers holding Shane still.
‘No, no, look at me. Look at me, please. This is important.’
Shane managed to shake his head out of Ilya’s grip. ‘I really don’t want to talk about it.’
‘I know,’ Ilya cupped Shane’s jaw, but gently this time. He did not try to move his face again and contented himself with the lack of eye contact. ‘And I promise I’m not doing this to make you uncomfortable. I just need to know. Was it consensual?’
Shane exhaled shakily. He flicked his eyeline up, meeting Ilya’s gaze. ‘At first… Yeah. But I wanted to stop because-…’
Ilya shook his head. ‘It doesn’t matter why you wanted to stop,’ he said, so kindly and quietly it was almost a coo. ‘You wanted to stop so he should have stopped. He didn’t?’
Shane sighed. His hands moved up to rest on Ilya’s waist. His fingers clung to Ilya’s shirt. ‘The thing is, I wanted him to stop because he wasn’t you. It didn’t feel right. And so when he wanted to keep going, it didn’t feel fair to make a fuss about it. It was my fault.’ Shane’s voice cracked and Ilya saw tears shining in his dark eyes. ‘I should have known I wouldn’t like it with someone else.’
Ilya lifted his other hand so that they were both cupping Shane’s face. His beautiful, sad, face. ‘‘Shane, is not your fault.’
Shane sniffed, trying to blink away the tears that were prickling in his eyes. ‘I feel really stupid right now.’ He huffed out a laugh that held no humour.
‘No, no, you are not stupid.’ Ilya wrapped his arms around Shane, placing one hand on the back of his head and cradling him against his chest. ‘Come here,’ he whispered.
Shane relaxed against him, collapsing his body weight against Ilya, knowing he would hold him up. ‘You just know how to make me feel good,’ he said, his breath warm on Ilya’s neck. ‘I’m never-… I’m never scared with you.’
‘Is familiar with me. We have known each other a long time.’
Shane shook his head. ‘It’s not just that. Even the very first time we did-… penetration. You were so careful and gentle. You cared whether it hurt or not and you made sure it didn’t.’
‘He should have done that too.’ Ilya’s jaw tightened. ‘Is good manners if nothing else.’
‘I don’t want to do it with anyone else.’
‘You don’t have to.’ Ilya kissed Shane’s temple fiercely. ‘Ever.’
Shane lifted his head. ‘But-…’
‘I mean it, Shane. Just-… just be with me.’
‘Really?’
‘The thought of you with someone else… it has never been nice thought for me but at least when I could imagine you were enjoying yourself, I could live with it. Knowing what has happened-… I can’t do it. I can’t-… I need to be able to make sure you’re okay. I need you to be-… just mine. I can’t think of the proper English.’
‘Would you be… just mine, too?’
Ilya paused, just for a moment, and then nodded. ‘Yes. And not just because I think it’s what you want. I want it too.’
‘It is what I want. I’ve wanted it for a long time.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘For what?’
‘For not being there. For making you feel like you had to go elsewhere.’
‘It’s not your fault.’
‘I’m going to be there from now on. I promise you. I-...’
‘What?’
‘I love you, Shane.’
‘Oh my god.’
‘You don’t have to say it back.’
‘I want to. Fuck, yes, I love you too.’
‘It has been killing me.’
‘Me too.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I’m sorry too.’
~
They sat on the edge of the bed and talked about their entire time of knowing one another. Who fell first. Who made the first move. How hard it had been for both of them each and every time they left each other’s side.
After an hour of talking, they moved into kissing. Slowly, tenderly, they both lay back. Shane’s leg was hitched up, locked onto Ilya’s hip. He ground his groin against Ilya’s thigh.
Ilya looked seriously at Shane. ‘Do you want to have sex?’
Shane nodded. ‘Yes,’ he breathed.
Ilya stroked a strand of Shane’s hair away from his face. It was longer than he had ever seen it. He loved it. ‘You are feeling okay?’
Shane tugged on the front of Ilya’s shirt. ‘I want you, Ilya.’
‘I know and I want you too. But I have to be sure you’re in a good place.’
‘How could I not be? You love me. I’ve never been happier.’
Ilya’s face broke into a smile. ‘Okay, this is true. But remember. You want me to stop, I’ll stop. Doesn’t matter how far in we are. I could be about to come and you still have the right to stop me, okay?’
‘I won’t want you to stop.’ Shane leaned in for a kiss, but Ilya stopped him before their lips could touch.
‘I need you to promise that if you do that you will tell me.’
Shane scanned Ilya’s face and, noting the solemnity in his expression, nodded. ‘I promise.’
‘Good boy.’ The phrase made Shane shiver with anticipated pleasure. He loved this version of Ilya. The new and improved version of the dominant but tender creature he had always been when they cane together in this way. ‘We’ll use a safe word. You know what that is?’
‘Yes.’
‘Good. What will it be for you?’
Shane blushed and looked down at his hands, which were still knotted in Ilya’s shirt. ‘Can-… Can I say it in Russian?’
Ilya narrowed his eyes. ‘You know Russian? Since when, Hollander?’
‘No, I don’t. I’d like to learn but-... I was hoping you would teach me a word.’
Ilya’s eyes sparkled. ‘I can do that. Will you be able to remember it?’
‘I think so.’
‘Okay. If you forget in Russian just say red, or tell me to stop twice, I will get the message. In Russian, you can say, krasnyy. It means red but I think is more personal to us if it is in Russian, no?’
‘Sure.’
‘That way, if you ever need it outside of here, I will know you really mean it.’
Shane paled. ‘Outside of here?’
Ilya chuckled and tapped Shane’s cheek with the flat of his palm. ‘Don’t look so worried, Hollander, I’m not going to try and fuck you on the ice.’ He gritted his teeth and pressed his forehead to Shane’s, as if the idea turned him on more than anything. It probably did. ‘I mean, if I am ever flirting with you before a game, y’know texting, and you don’t want me to, you can use the word and I will stop, no questions asked. That goes for anything I do. I know I am asshole sometimes. Maybe I don’t always see the effect it can have on you, especially when you are not actually in front of me. If you don’t want it, tell me to stop, with our word. Just don’t use it when we’re playing against each other.’ He winked. ‘It won’t work.’
Shane smiled and then asked, ‘What if I’m doing something you don’t want?’
Ilya shrugged. ‘You never could.’
‘But shouldn’t it go both ways?’
Ilya considered this and then conceded. ‘Okay, yes. I will use kransyy too.’
‘Okay. I’ll remember.’
‘I’ll test you on it a couple of times tonight.’
‘I’ll remember.’
‘Good boy. Take off your clothes.’
~
At first Shane was so tight. Clenched, his body remembering pain and fear. It was understandable. Ilya took his time, reminding Shane in every way that here he was safe. He would not let it hurt. He would look after him.
He started with his tongue.
He had laid Shane back on the bed and began to kiss and lick him from his forehead to his feet. When he made his way back up Shane’s thighs, Shane’s knees raised to make room for him. But when Ilya pressed the flat of his tongue to Shane’s hole, his knees came together reflexively.
‘Sorry-…’
‘No need. It’s okay. We try different position. Less exposed. Lie on your belly, baby.’
The sound of the petname made a breath shudder through Shane. He crawled around and lay on his stomach. Ilya spent a few minutes massaging Shane’s back and shoulders, unwinding each tight muscle. When Shane had relaxed, Ilya licked his hole again. This time, Shane’s legs did not move.
Ilya spent the next ten minutes luxuriating in eating Shane while Shane moaned and writhed into the mattress below him.
‘Do you think you want some fingers?’
‘Yes. Please.’
‘I’ll go slow.’
He started just with one, probing carefully at Shane’s entrance. The time on Ilya’s tongue had loosened him slightly, but Ilya was still cautious as he pushed his finger inside, alert to any discomfort, physical or otherwise, on Shane’s part. Shane focused on his breathing, on remembering who he was letting inside him. He wanted Ilya. He was glad he was there. He awaited his pleasure.
When the first finger was all the way inside and working in and out smoothly, Ilya added a second. After a few minutes, this too was slipping in and out without issue.
Ilya’s fingers were so gentle even as they firmly entered Shane. It felt so good to be back like this, to have Ilya inside of him. What Shane said next rushed out of him before he could think better of it.
‘He didn’t bother with this bit,’ Shane said, then bit down on his lip and shook his head. ‘Sorry, I shouldn't be talking about him right now.’
‘Is okay, keep talking if you need to.’ Ilya’s fingers maintained their steady rhythm ‘It might help. What bit did he not do?’
Shane stifled a moan of pleasure. ‘Any of the foreplay really. No kissing once we got to the bed. And he didn’t take his time with his fingers.’
Ilya made a face that was equal parts horror and disgust. ‘He went straight in with his dick?’
‘Yes,’ Shane muttered into the pillow beneath him.
‘Did he use lube?’
Shane hesitated and then, burying his face in the pillow, replied, ‘Not-… not enough.’
‘Jesus, Shane. That must have been really painful.’
‘Y-yes…’
Ilya’s fingers maintained their rhythm, but he slowed ever so slightly as he checked in with Shane. ‘You are not in pain now?’
‘No pain. Pleasure.’
‘Good boy. Tell me your safe word, I want to see if you remember it.’
‘Krasnyy, Ilya.’
The sound of his name in Shane’s mouth made Ilya’s cock twitch.
‘That’s a good boy. My good boy.’
When Ilya had brought Shane almost to the edge, he carefully removed his fingers and asked Shane to flip back onto his back. He watched Shane as he moved, keeping an eye out for any wincing or fear in his face. There was none. Shane was relaxed, almost floppy, yet clearly eager for more. His cock was standing to attention and Ilya gave it what it wanted the second Shane had settled.
Ilya’s tongue circled the head of Shane’s cock as his fingers worked their way back into him. It was almost too much. Shane was going to come, but he didn’t want to. Not yet. He wanted this to continue, wanted more of it. Wanted Ilya inside of him.
‘I-…’ He tried to speak, but he was overcome with pleasure.
Ilya removed his mouth and said, ‘Remember your word, Shane.’
Shane shook his head. ‘I need another word.’
‘What do you mean, baby?’
‘Slow down, but don’t stop. Please don’t stop.’
‘Zheltyy. Is yellow.’ Ilya licked up the shaft of Shane’s cock but did not put it back into his mouth yet. His fingers slowed but stayed deep inside of Shane.
‘Zheltyy, zheltyy.’
‘Okay, we go slow. How’s that?’
‘Good. Good.’
Ilya flashed his a wicked grin. ‘I would teach you green but is so close to zheltyy maybe will be too much for tonight’s lesson.’
‘Tell me.’
‘Say please.’
‘Please tell me, Ilya.’
‘Green is zelenyy, baby.’
‘Zelenyy…’
‘Good boy.’
Ilya spent the next few minutes slowly teasing Shane’s cock as his fingers continued to play with his hole. When his mouth was full of spit and precum, Ilya shifted so that he was hovering above Shane. When he removed his fingers, Shane whimpered.
‘Open.’ Shane’s mouth fell open. He was so pliant. So obedient. It drove Ilya crazy.
He placed the head of his cock on Shane’s outstretched tongue. ‘You want it?’ Shane nodded. ‘Tell me.’
‘I want it.’
‘Sir.’
‘I want it, sir. Please, sir. I fucking need it.’
Ilya drove his cock all the way in and let it rest there at the back of Shane’s throat. Shane gagged but did not push Ilya’s cock out. Like he wanted it there. Needed it there. Needed to feel used. Needed his throat bruised. Needed to be owned. Tears leaked from Shane’s eyes but still he held Ilya’s cock in his mouth, in his throat.
When Ilya finally pulled out, Shane gasped for air, spit and precum leaking from his pink mouth.
Ilya wrenched his chin up. ‘What do you want, baby? Tell me.’
Shane’s eyes were half-lidded. ‘Want… you.’
Shane had dropped so far in subspace, Ilya wasn’t entirely sure he would ever manage to claw him back to reality. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to. Having Shane like this, completely under his control, completely at his mercy, was the closest Ilya had ever come to godhood. He did not take it lightly.
‘Want me to do what?’
‘Fuck me.’ Ilya reached for the box of condoms, but Shane put a hand on his arm. ‘Wait.’
‘What’s the matter? Are you okay?’
‘I want-… without… if you’re okay with it.’
Ilya’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. ‘You want me to fuck you without a condom?’
‘If you are okay with it…’ Embarrassment flooded into Shane’s face, pinking his cheeks. Ilya ran his thumb over one, chasing the colour.
‘I don’t mind. I was tested before I flew here, just in case. You got tested after you were with that guy, right?’ He turned his hand and stroked Shane’s cheek with his knuckles. He looked almost unbearably beautiful in that moment, strung out on pleasure and submission.
‘Yeah, straight away. All clear.’
‘The only thing is I want to come inside of you.’ Ilya said it so matter-of-fact, and it made Shane’s whole body contort with lust. ‘Could be messy. I know you do not like mess.’
Shane’s eyes rolled back in his head. ‘I want it today. Please.’
‘Okay. If you change your mind, you know what to say?’
‘Kransyy.’
‘That’s my good boy.’
~
Ilya drove into Shane. The looser Shane got, the more he moaned and begged for more, the harder Ilya ground his hips against him. Their fingers were entwined, their hands on either side of Shane’s head, as Ilya pinned him down.
Shane turned his head and sank his teeth into Ilya’s wrist. Ilya yelped with surprise. Shane immediately let go, trying to mumble an apology even as Ilya kept fucking him.
Ilya shook his head. ‘Do it again. Harder. Leave your mark on me, baby.’
He had wanted always wished they could leave hickeys on one another. Wanted to claim Shane that way, but never could. This was different. The next day, the teeth marks would fade but, with any luck, tiny bruises, imperceptible unless you looked for them would appear. Ilya could press on them and remember how it felt to have Shane Hollander at his mercy.
He brought them both to climax, emptying himself into Shane while Shane sprayed strings of white between them. Ilya did not immediately remove himself. Instead, he took hold of Shane’s cock and milked another orgasm out of him. Shane writhed, almost screaming with pleasure as Ilya stroked him. When Shane had come a second time, Ilya collapsed on top of him, smearing Shane’s come between their bellies. Shane was so far gone, he didn’t even complain about the mess.
Ilya stroked Shane’s face. ‘You are perfect, lyubov’ moya.’
‘What does that mean?’ Shane mumbled, his eyes closed as he caught his breath.
‘Love of mine.’
A soft smile flickered onto his face. ‘Fuck. How did this happen? I’m so in love with you.’
Ilya’s eyebrows furrowed. ‘Do you wish it had not happened?’
‘No. Never.’
‘Good. Do you need help?’
‘Help?’
‘Getting up? Getting clean. Your legs are shaking.’
‘Oh. Um.’
‘Is okay. You need me to keep making the decisions? I can do that for you if it is what you want.’
‘Yes. Please.’
‘Okay, lyubimyy. Up you get.’
Shane’s arm was slung over Ilya’s shoulders, as he lifted him with an ease that should not have been possible for the close-to dead weight that was all of Shane Hollander.
‘You will have to write all of these Russian words down for me. I can’t keep up with the lessons.’
‘You have years to get fluent.’
‘Years.’ Shane repeated to himself. ‘Yes. I want your years.’
‘You are very cute like this. Is maybe my favourite version of you. Is hard to choose between this and the guy that wants to murder me on the ice.’
‘You find that cute?’
‘Adorable. Here we go.’
They had reached the shower. Instead of making Shane stand up, Ilya fetched a plastic stool from the corner of the bathroom and placed it under the running water. He waited for the water to get to a good temperature, dangling one hand under it while the other held onto Shane. Then, he lowered Shane onto the stool.
While Shane leaned his head against Ilya’s stomach, Ilya bent to clean every inch of Shane with the luxury hotel soap. Then, he used the shampoo and conditioner to wash Shane’s hair, massaging his strong fingers into his scalp.
By the time Ilya had finished, Shane was soft and pliant, unravelled by the warm water and Ilya’s strength.
‘Come on, let’s get you dry.’
Ilya wrapped Shane in a fluffy towel and steered him back into the main room. He set Shane down on the end of the bed and immediately began rustling in his duffel bag.
‘I know you will not want to wear it, but I don’t have anything else that will work. We have to keep you warm.’
He handed Shane a blue hoodie. It unfolded to reveal the Boston Bears logo on the front and Ilya’s last name and number on the back. Shane rolled his eyes and Ilya expected a protest. But Shane just pulled it on over his head. The sight of him in Ilya’s clothes, especially after what had just happened between them, was almost too much to bear.
Shane crawled back into the bed and snuggled up to one of the pillows. The hood cushioned his head and he moved his cheek against the inner fabric. ‘Smells like you.’
‘Good, I hope.’
‘Best.’
‘Do you need anything else? Are you in any pain?’
Shane hummed contentedly. ‘No. Just want you.’
‘You can have me, all night. I want you to drink some water though. Should I call down for some food?’
Shane shook his head. ‘Not hungry.’
‘Water then. Here.’ Ilya had fetched a bottle from the mini fridge. Shane did not much feel like drinking anything. He just wanted to fall asleep in Ilya’s arms. But Ilya was watching him and Shane still had the desire to be good. He unscrewed up cap and sipped from the bottle. ‘Good boy. As much as you can.’
As Shane tipped the last of the water back, Ilya held his hand out for the bottle and threw it away. In the next instant, he was back with Shane.
‘Sleep now?’ Shane asked. His head was so fuzzy, it felt like it took a year for the words to get from his head to his mouth.
‘Yes, moya lyubov'. Sleep now.’
‘I stay?’ He wasn't sure if he could have made it back to his room no matter what Ilya's answer had been.
‘You stay. Right here with me.’ Ilya lay down beside Shane and tugged him to his chest, cradling him. ‘Thank you for trusting me.’
‘Thank you for looking after me,’ Shane mumbled, sleep already beginning to claim him.
‘I will never let you go again.’