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Yuna couldn’t sleep. She was sitting up in bed, in the dark, leaning against the headboard, while her mind whirred. Where had she gone wrong? How did she not see it? Was she a terrible mother?
Earlier that afternoon, or really, yesterday at this point, Shane had stopped by the cottage. This wasn’t unusual. He often popped over during the summer, especially if he needed to grab a carton of almond milk and didn’t feel like driving the hour and a half to and from the store. David did a good job of keeping their cottage well-stocked, but he occasionally stopped at Shane’s when the dishwasher tablets were out.
But this time, Shane brought something with him. Or rather, someONE.
Ilya Rozanov. Boston’s brash, ballsy star center, Rozanov. Although he didn’t look anything like that today. He stood in the entryway with his hands awkwardly clasped in front of him, a meek, contrite expression on his face.
What the hell is he doing here?
But then David was rambling apologetically about a phone charger while Shane winced. Had Rozanov hurt her baby? That fucker! Yuna was going to murder him, right here in the living room, and dump his body in the lake. Any goodwill she felt after learning he visited Shane in the hospital evaporated.
Who does he think he is anyway?
Shane’s voice cut through her violent thoughts.
“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have found out that way.”
Found out what?
If David witnessed Rozanov hurting Shane and didn’t stop it, she was going to have to lug two dead bodies down to the lake. Thank god it wasn’t a pond.
But David wouldn’t allow that. He may have been quieter about it, but he was just as fierce when protecting Shane as Yuna. No, he must have seen something else, something these boys were afraid to tell her about. Did THEY kill someone? It must have been an accident. Shane would never…
Yuna realized she needed to jump in before Shane and David talked awkwardly in concentric circles and never addressed what actually happened.
“Found out what, exactly?”
***
Holy shit. Shane was gay. Shane and Rozanov were lovers. Shane loved his archrival.
Yuna needed a drink. Truthfully, she needed several drinks. She couldn’t remember having been so shocked.
And now, Ilya Rozanov was sitting at her dinner table, answering questions about his involvement with Shane, which apparently spanned years?
“Since your rookie season?”
Yes definitely more drinks.
How had she missed this? She’d been with Shane for every major step of his career. From mites to the International Prospect Cup. At the draft, when he signed for Montreal. His first commercial. His first MLH game. The All-Stars. The Cup wins. His terrifying injury. How had she not seen what was blatantly obvious now, staring back at her across the table? Shane had been falling in love with Rozanov for his entire adult life, and Yuna had missed it.
The drinks weren’t going to be enough. She needed to get some air.
***
Her baby, her sweet, beautiful boy had been going through this alone. She thought she’d done a good job as a mom. After all, her son was the best player in his sport, with significant wealth from sponsorship deals, modeling, even real estate. He was also a good kid. Never got in trouble at school, never picked fights on the ice. (Scott Hunter must have provoked him that one time.) He had grown up to be a role model for Asian-Canadian kids, for young hockey players, and now for the gay community, she supposed.
But apparently, he’d been struggling, and Yuna hadn’t known. She’d guessed he might be gay, as he’d never been obsessed with girls unlike some of his teammates.
And Rozanov, her brain helpfully supplied.
Really, Shane hadn’t been boy-crazy either. At the time, she’d been glad that Shane didn’t suffer from any of those distractions. His singular focus was hockey, and he was the best. Yuna made sure of it. He worked hard, was dedicated to his craft, and the Hollanders supported him in his pursuits.
Well, obviously not all his pursuits.
Ilya Rozanov hadn’t even been on their relationship radar. Sure, Yuna knew him to be lethal on the ice, and she knew Shane thrived on competition. Despite his cocky personality, Rozanov was a worthy opponent.
Yuna glanced in the direction of the opening door. Shane approached with her sweater, draping it across her shoulders.
This sweet boy. What have I done to make you so afraid?
She struggled to hold back the sob that threatened to escape as Shane began apologizing, for being different, for not trying hard enough. At first, she was confused, until with dawning horror, she understood. He was apologizing for being gay. He was apologizing for his very existence, for his capacity to love, and Yuna could not let that stand.
Gathering her courage, she spoke through tears:
“You have nothing, NOTHING to apologize for. Look at—look at me. Look. At. Me. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me. Hey. I’m so, so proud of you. Okay? Please forgive me.”
She gathered her son close and held him as they cried. Shane choked out his forgiveness as Yuna rocked him like she did when he was a child. Their tears mingled as they mourned the loss of his fear and her shame, until she said, “Enough. What’s the plan?”
***
Yuna blinked rapidly as she turned to check the clock on her nightstand.
14:10
Ugh, she should have taken her contacts out hours ago, because that was definitely not the time.
A few more blinks and the numbers 4:10 settled into focus.
Why did her brain always perceive extra digits when she was tired? Was there some secret significance to that number, something buried in her subconscious that she just couldn’t grasp? She mentally shrugged and went back to thinking about the plan.
Rozanov…uh, Ilya (that’s going to take some getting used to)...is moving to Ottawa, playing for Shane’s childhood team. What a downgrade from Boston. I hope he doesn’t resent Shane for this in the future…
Shane isn’t ready to come out publicly, but he’s going to test the waters by telling a few of his close friends in Montreal. If that goes well, he’ll tell the rest of his teammates. Hopefully, we can find a good time to talk to management.
Shane and Ilya are starting a charity, more specifically, a hockey camp that will raise money for suicide prevention. When Shane told us about Irina, I just wanted to wrap Ilya in a hug. That poor boy lost his mother when he was so young…
Ilya could probably do with some extra attention. No wonder he acted out. The rest of his family sounds like something out of a gothic novel. He’s not gotten proper care since his mother died.
Yuna sighed.
Oh well, he has us now. David really seems to like him. And Shane obviously adores him. We’ll just make him part of our little family.
Oh, speaking of family, I wonder when they’re going to want kids. The Pike children are a lot, but so adorable, and Shane is so good with them. I wonder what kind of father Ilya will be?
And now that I know I have a gay son, I really should be more active as an ally. We’ve always believed that love is love, but we obviously haven’t been outspoken enough about it. How do we join PFLAG?
I’m sure Shane is engaging in safe sex. He’s too responsible not to. Although when we had The Talk, I don’t remember if I addressed the things that are more relevant to him. I’m sure I can find some resources…although since he and Ilya have been together since rookie season…no, wait. The summer before…
THE SUMMER BEFORE?!
Yuna flicked on the light and shook David’s shoulder excitedly.
“David, wake up! I figured it out!”
“Huhnhgh, wha—?” David smacked his lips and blinked blearily at his wife. “What is it honey? What’s wrong?” His speech was slurred with sleep, but he jolted upright when he saw Yuna’s face.
“Sorry, I’m fine,” Yuna was quick to reassure him.
“Well, not fine,” she continued. “Do you remember Shane’s first commercial shoot for CCM? I had traveled with him, but you had to stay in Ottawa for work. Remember how I called you the night after shooting wrapped and told you about my awkward run-in with Rozanov in the elevator?”
“Ilya,” David interrupted.
“Yes, yes, Ilya.” Yuna was getting exasperated. “Do you remember when that was?”
David tilted his head, eyes narrowed in thought. “Well, it was after the draft, so it must have been Shane’s rookie season,” he reasoned.
“No!” Yuna hissed excitedly. “The summer before!”